美式主妇

American Housewife S02E22

Part 2 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:25 p.m.

to go to Mexico to become a surf instructor,
就像她一直威胁的那样
like she always threatens.
你们选错了日子搞事
You two picked the wrong day for this crap!
我强迫你们合得来
I am forcing you to get along.
今天早上你们得绑在一起
The rest of the morning, you are attached at the wrist.
我自♥拍♥不想拍到他
I don't want him in my selfies!
你的浴室里怎么会有手铐
Yeah, and why do you have handcuffs in your bedroom?
变装舞会用过的别担心
It's from a costume party. Don't worry about it.
各位出什么事了
Hey, guys, what's going on?
为什么孩子们戴着我们的手铐
Why are the kids wearing our handcuffs?
我是说手铐
I mean handcuffs.
爸我想正确发言是瘦铐
Dad, I think they're called ham-cuffs.
-瘦铐 -手铐
- Yeah, ham-cuffs. ‭- Hand-cuffs.
对瘦铐
Right. Ham-cuffs.
又是老师规划日
It's Teacher Planning Day again?
你们为什么什么也没说
Why didn't any of you say something?
各位我们在自己养自己吗
Guys, are we raising ourselves?
不是
Nope!
因为你是老妈
It's because you're the mom.
和孩子们度过未经计划的一天
An unscheduled day alone with my kids?
知道吗我会好好利用
You know what? I'm gonna make the best of it.
我会把这泡尿变成柠檬水
I'm gonna turn this pee into lemonade.
应该是这种说法
I think that's the saying.
你为什么这样对我
Why are you doing this to me?!
我有重要的早餐
I have an important breakfast!
我今天不能和孩子们在一起
I can't be stuck with my kids today!
请别告诉我手铐钥匙
Please don't tell me the handcuff key
在那个钥匙圈上
was on that key chain.
是的
Oh, it was.
你很开心
You're happy about that?
是的至少现在我们都悲催了
Yes! At least now we're all miserable!
亲爱的学校今天不上学
Hey, honey. School's canceled because of
因为愚蠢的瞎编的老师规划日
stupid, made-up "Teacher Planning Day."
说得真好打击了公立学校的老师
Way to knock down public-school teachers.
那些家伙得意太久了
Those folks have been riding high too long.
老师规划日最差劲了格雷格
Teacher Planning Day is the worst, Greg.
但我会好好利用
But I'm making the best of it.
我带孩子们一起去见艾希莉
I'm bringing the kids with me to meet Ashley.
终身教职的第一天怎么样
How is your first day of tenure going?
既然你问到了
Well, since you asked,
我的大办公室和我想象的不一样
my new corner office isn't quite what I pictured.
有什么问题
What's wrong with it?
很小有三位清洁工
It's small, and three different janitors
进来找马桶塞
have come in looking for plungers.
我确信48小时前这里是杂物间
I'm pretty sure, 48 hours ago, this was a supply closet.
你不能要求新办公室吗
Can't you just ask for a new office?
规矩不是这样的
It doesn't work that way.
办公室是论资格的
Office space goes by seniority,
我必须等到有人死
so I have to wait till somebody dies,
可能需要很久
which could take a while.
贝利教授76岁了但去年
Professor Bailey is 76, but last year,
他参加了"美国忍♥者战士"大赛
he competed on "American Ninja Warrior."
连凹墙都上去了
He made it up the warped wall and everything.
你的新助理呢
What about your new assistant?
使唤别人一定很有趣
Bossing someone around must be fun.
我知道我是你的助理
I know I'm your assistant,
但我感觉到深厚的兄弟情在滋长
but I feel a solid bromance brewing.
那个小盒子应该放那个角落
You know what, the litter box should go in that corner.
我们要养只猫
We're getting a cat!
我感觉在建立界限方面我已经失败了
I feel like I've already failed to establish boundaries.
夫妻二人
In a relationship,
只能有一个经历可怕的一天
only one of you is allowed to have a bad day.
另一个日子过得不太可怕的得站出来
The one that's having less of a bad day has to step up.
亲爱的冷静
Okay, honey, calm down.
我们和艾希莉吃完早餐后
The kids and I will swing by to cheer you up
我带孩子们去看你
after my breakfast with Ashley.
现在这是教授的办公室
This is now a professor's office.
是
Yeah.
格雷格我经历了人生最可怕的一天
Greg, I'm having the worst day.
我带着三个生活杀手
How can I make Ashley think things are awesome
艾希莉怎么会认为我的生活非常好
if I'm dragging around these three life-killers?
还有我的车钥匙丢了
Also, I lost my keys.
而且
And to top it all off,
我们的出租车司机一看黄灯就停
our cabbie is stopping at yellow lights
一点用也没有
like a total wuss!
你以为不出声就不会被骂
You thought you could stay quiet and keep out of this tornado?
你错了
Well, you were wrong.
你第一天终身教职怎么样
How's your first day of tenure going?
有些小困难
A couple of little hiccups over here,
但你的问题更严重
but your stuff is worse,
所以别担心我
so don't worry about me.
我会早点回家为你打气
I'll come home early and cheer you up.
车上有喇叭是有原因的
They give you a horn for a reason!
普锐斯回到属于你的自行车道
Hey, Prius, get in the bike lane, where you belong!
你咖啡的糖
Sugar for your coffee?
谢谢你弟弟
Thanks, bro.
我们的亲情会延续一生
Our bond will truly last a lifetime.
多少钱
How much?
一人40块
40 bucks apiece.
别鄙视我
Don't judge me.
妈妈我买♥♥了果汁
Mama. I got my juice.
凯蒂·奥图
Katie Otto?
艾希莉·克拉克
Ashley Clark!
太久没见了
It has been way too long!
你真漂亮
You look amazing!
快跟我说说
Tell me everything.
说实话艾希生活很美好
Honestly, Ash, life is great.
这是我的小天使们
These are my little angels --
泰勒奥利弗安娜凯特
Taylor, Oliver, and Anna-Kat.
早
Morning.
-很高兴见到你 -女士好
- Pleased to meet you. - Madame.
凯蒂你有这么漂亮的一家人而且好有礼貌
Katie, you have a beautiful family, and so polite.
你的秘方是什么
What's your secret?
很多的爱不是钱
Lots of love. Not money.
妈妈我打不开
Mama, I can't get this open.
没问题宝贝
No problem, honey.
现在试试
Now try.
橡皮筋能让你抓得牢
The rubber band helps you grip.
又一个生活小窍门
Another life-hack! ‭
这位女士
This lady.
我的天
Oh, my God.
她太可爱了让我的宫内避孕器都掉了
She's so cute, she just made my IUD fall out.
你有孩子吗
Do you have kids?
没有我没有结婚
No, no, I never settled down.
我总是出公差
I'm always traveling for work.
这全是你的错
It's all your fault, you know.
你离开公♥司♥后
When you left the company,
我就开始向上爬从没停下
I started climbing the ladder, and I never stopped.
我有条船从来没用过
I have a boat that I never go out on.
码头费贵死了
Pier fees are killing me.
还有
And --
不是吧
Oh, come on!
我刚买♥♥的套装
I just bought this suit!
太可怜了
That was so sad.
是啊
Totally.
码头费越来越离谱
Pier fees are getting out of control.
-停下 -你停下
- Stop it! - No, you stop it!
你为什么同意在老师规划日
Why would you agree to meet her on Teacher Planning Day
穿着破毛衣见她
wearing a shredded sweater?
安吉拉老天为证
Angela, so help me, I will
我会把这罐果酱砸你额头上