美式主妇

American Housewife S02E06

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:23 p.m.

埃及千鸟和尼罗河鳄鱼
The Egyptian plover and the Nile crocodile
是共栖关系的最好体现例子
are an example of a symbiotic relationship at its finest.
现在和猪一起看电视吗
So...we're just watching TV with the pig now.
我的人生就是这样了吗
Is that it? Is this my life?
汉斯·格鲁伯有名字的妈妈
Hans Gruber has a name, Mama.
这个家不给食物取名字
We don't name food in this house.
我们会吃掉它
We eat it.
妈妈它不懂你在开玩笑
Mama, he doesn't understand that you're joking.
-我没有 - 我向你保证亲爱的
- I'm not. - I promise you, sweetie.
永远没人会吃汉斯·格鲁伯
No one is ever going to eat Hans Gruber.
它现在是家里的一员了
He's a member of our family now.
格雷格亲爱的
Uh, Greg, honey.
陪我来窗户边好吗
Can you come join me at the window?
为什么
Why?
我们能看向窗外
So we can look out.
-看什么 -我要私下聊聊
- Oh, at what? - I want to have a private conversation.
你怎么就是这么没眼力劲
Why are you so bad at this?
你留下
Okay, you stay.
你知道我经常幻想的事
You know that reoccurring fantasy I have
我意外被关在
where I accidentally get locked up
精神病院我能在病床上躺三周
in a mental hospital, and I get to spend three weeks
没人烦我
alone in bed with no one bugging me?
我知道你的疯人院休假计划
I'm familiar with your psych-ward vacation plan, yes.
我还差这么点就实施计划
Well, I'm this close to doing it.
我们俩都同意不养狗
How is it that we both said "No" To a puppy,
你却自做主张带只猪回家
yet you took it upon yourself to bring home a pig?
妈妈你猜
Mama, guess what.
汉斯·格鲁伯和我是共栖关系
Hans Gruber and I have a symbiotic relationship.
我给它食物它给我爱
I give him food, and he gives me love.
太棒了
Amazing.
猪得走
The pig has to go.
但我们习惯了有汉斯·格鲁伯在家里
But we've gotten used to having Hans Gruber around.
这事已经有段时间了快屈服吧
This has gone on long enough. Just fold already.
他屈服只是早晚问题
It's only a matter of time before he does.
这是什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
你总是最终会屈服
Well, you always give in eventually.
家里人都是这样想我的吗
Is that what everyone in this house thinks of me --
我总是会屈服
that I always give in?
你猜怎样这次我不会屈服
Well, guess what -- I'm not giving in on this one.
-永远不会 -永远吗
- Ever. - Oh, "Ever."
那就是明天
So, then, tomorrow?
搞什么那个枕头买♥♥不到了
What the hell? I can't get that pillow again.
那是超♥市♥里独一无二的
That's a one of a kind from T.J.Maxx.
这是我被迫吃下我的怒火
This is me -- forced to eat my anger.
把糖豆给它
Just give him the M&M'S.
休想
Never!
美式主妇　　第二季第六集
你为什么把性感表情发给你可爱男友埃约
Why are you sending slutty emojis to someone who isn't your nice,
以外的人
sweet boyfriend, Eyo?
-他是谁 -我不会告诉你的
- Who is he? - I'm not telling you anything.
没问题我和他视频
Not a problem. I'll just FaceTime him.
妈还给我
Mom, give it back! Mnh-mnh!
妈手♥机♥还我
Mom, give me back my phone!
算了
You know what? Fine.
他叫约翰·里斯
His name is John Reese,
毕业班的
and he's a senior.
毕业班的
A senior?
这就是他最大的优点吗
If that's the best thing that you have to say about him --
猪排堡回来了
Ah, the McRib is back.
这事我永远会揪着不放我就像疱疹一样
I'm gonna stay on you forever about this, Taylor! I'm like herpes!
有时候你说出来的真不是人话凯蒂
What the hell comes out of your mouth sometimes, Katie?
看妈妈养它不贵
See, Mama? He's not expensive.
它吃垃圾
He eats garbage.
农场动物在厨房♥吃垃圾
It's every mother's dream to have a farm animal
是每个母亲的梦想
consuming trash in her kitchen.
我训练好它之后你会改变想法的
You'll change your mind once I've trained him.
是这样吗
So, that's it?
这就是你的计划训猪
That's your plan -- train the hog?
是的汉斯·格鲁伯
Yes. Hans Gruber
是非传统的宠物
is an unconventional pet,
但安娜凯特与它建立了感情
but Anna-Kat has really bonded with him, and you know what?
我也是
So have I.
显然我不喜欢这种乡下元素
Yeah, I don't like the, uh, hillbilly factor, obviously,
但我钦佩你这次没屈服
but I'm impressed that you're not folding.
以前从没见过你的这一面
I've never seen this side of you before.
谢谢你奥利弗
Thank you, Oliver.
但妈妈不会忍♥受太久
But Mom's not gonna put up with it much longer.
如果你俩决定离婚
If you two decide to get divorced,
谁不要那辆迷你厢车我就跟谁
I'll go with whoever doesn't get the minivan.
凯蒂你在考虑离婚吗
Katie? You're thinking about divorce?
随便走进来维芙别管什么社会准则
Just walk right in, Viv. Don't worry about social norms.
我们没有闹离婚
We are not getting divorced.
谢天谢地凯蒂
Oh, thank God, because, Katie,
离婚没你想得那么好
divorce is not as good as you think it will be.
有格雷格这种丈夫总比没有好
Even Greg might be better than no husband.
-谢了维芙 -不客气
- Thank you, Viv. - You're welcome.
这是给你的
Hey. These are for you.
你给我买♥♥了礼物
You bought me things?
我倒想买♥♥东西但我没什么钱了
I wish I could buy things. I have very little money.
原来婚前协议是有法律效应的
It turns out prenups are legally binding,
哪怕你在仲裁中戏剧性地撕掉
even if you dramatically rip it up during mediation.
显然他们会复印
Apparently, they make copies.
你和艾伦签了婚前协议
You and Alan had a prenup?
是的我没有看上去那么富有
We did. I'm momentarily not as rich as I look.
我拿到了房♥子但没什么钱
I got the house but not a lot of actual money.
所以我希望你可以教我
So, I was hoping you could teach me
像穷♥人♥那样洗衣服
how to do laundry like poor people do.
维芙我不会教你做家务
Viv, I'm not gonna teach you remedial housekeeping.
你会帮我做太好了
You're doing it for me! Love it.
我需要拿收据吗
Oh, do I need a ticket or anything?
-不用 -好的拜拜
- No. - Okay. Bye!
所以有钱很重要
This is why having money is important.
斯宾塞·布利茨不用自己洗衣服
Spencer Blitz doesn't do his own laundry.
DCOB
D.C.O.B.
只要干洗宝贝
"Dry clean only, baby."
斯宾塞是典型的贪婪自私的人
Spencer is the type of greedy, self-centered person
我们不希望奥利弗变成那样
we don't want Oliver becoming.
真不敢相信你依然让他为那个前科犯干活
I can't believe you're still letting him work for that ex-con.
她想你屈服但别这样做爸爸
She wants you to fold on this, too, but don't do it, Dad.
坚强些
Stay strong.
青春期小子
Hey, puberty boy.
没人问你
Nobody asked you.
过来过来
Come on. Come on.
放下
Drop it.
汉斯·格鲁伯你是天才
Hans Gruber, you're a genius!
是的小猪
Ja, schwein!
你去哪里
Where you off to?
我去主街的餐厅
Uh, I'm picking up dinner
为我和斯宾塞取晚餐
for me and Spencer from Tavern On Main.
我非常激动
I'm really excited.
我从来没吃过非"红龙虾餐厅"的红龙虾
I've never had a red lobster from a restaurant that wasn't named "Red Lobster."
你似乎和斯宾塞发展了真正的友谊
You seem to be developing a real friendship with Spencer.
看起来是吗太好了这就对了
Seems like that? Good, then it's working.
很快他会把我当作儿子
Soon, he'll think of me as the son he never had,
我会成为巨大财富的唯一继承人
and I'll become the sole heir to a huge fortune
他的确很有钱
that he does have.
这副笑容还差这个
All that smile's missing is this.
我喜欢以后用
Ooh, I like that. I'm gonna use it.
妈妈你看
Mama. Watch this.
坐
Sit.
不动