美式主妇
American Housewife
第二季
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美式主妇
American Housewife S02E22
Part 1
Dec. 10, 2019, 2:25 p.m.
周末太漫长了
The weekend is dragging.
什么时候才到周一
When is it gonna be Monday already?
陪审团义务最棒了
Jury duty's the best.
葡萄果仁麦片真好吃
Grape-Nuts are delicious.
怎么了 难道我们不是在说从没说过的话
What? Aren't we saying things no one has ever said before?
我想到一个
Oh, I have one.
妈 爸 我得了A
"Hey, Mom, Dad, I got an 'A.'"
周一将开始我获得终身教职后的第一周
Monday is the start of my first official week of tenure.
对 恭喜
Oh, that's right! Congratulations!
最棒的是 我得到了所有福利
Best part -- I get all these perks,
大办公室 助理
like a corner office, an assistant,
行政人员卫生间的钥匙
and a key to the executive bathroom.
不用再等到回家后上大号♥了
No more waiting to get home to poop!
我真为你高兴
I'm so happy for you.
你在看什么
Whatcha looking at?
我需要新衣服
I need a new outfit
因为艾希莉·克拉克会来这里
because Ashley Clark is coming through town,
我周一和她吃早餐
and I'm having breakfast with her on Monday.
谁是艾希莉·克拉克
Who's Ashley Clark?
她是我以前上班时的助理
She used to be my assistant at my old job.
但生你后 我太忙
But after I had you, I got so busy,
她升职了 我们变成同事
she was promoted, and we became co-workers.
我生了奥利弗后 只能做兼♥职♥
And then, after I had Oliver, I went down to part-time,
她成为我的上司
and she became my boss.
然后 因为你父亲对乳胶过敏
And then, because of your father's latex allergy,
我们有了安娜凯特 然后
we had Anna-Kat, and --
你妈妈没工作了
Your mom stopped working.
你依然在工作
You're still working.
做母亲是全世界最难的工作
Being a mom is the hardest job of all.
好样的
Attaboy!
现在艾希莉怎么样
What's Ashley up to these days?
她还在那家公♥司♥ 其他我就不知道了
She's still at the company, and past that, I don't know.
但我知道我的样子得比现在好看
But I do know I need to look better than this.
泰勒 我等着表扬呢
Taylor, fishing for a compliment over here.
"上吧 妹子"有用吗
Would a "You go, girl" Work?
-当然 -上吧 妹子
- Sure. - You go, girl!
好的 粉色毛衣
Okay, it's between the pink sweater
和蓝色毛衣中选一件
and the blue sweater.
哪一件能表明 我决定生三个孩子
Which one says "I decided to have three kids,
你拥有我想要的事业
and you got the career I always wanted,
但我对自己的选择很满意
but I'm happy with my choice"?
你后悔你的选择吗
Are you regretting your choice?
不 也许
No. Maybe.
要看是哪天
Depends on the day.
帮我选择正确的毛衣
Just help me pick out the right sweater.
谁知道呢
You never know.
可能让一切事不同
It might make all the difference.
好的 粉红的
Okay, the pink one.
见鬼
Crap!
我看起来像瓶胃药吗
Do I look like a bottle of Pepto-Bismol?
你不像胃药
You don't look like Pepto-Bismol.
你能听到我说话
Whoa, can you hear me?
如果你能听到我的想法
If you can read my thoughts,
抱歉我对克里斯·海姆斯沃斯各种意淫
sorry about all that dirty stuff with Chris Hemsworth.
别担心 你看起来很漂亮
Don't worry. You look great.
我和雷神的想象婚外情会继续
My imaginary affair with Thor continues.
帮我选择正确的毛衣
Just help me pick out the right sweater.
谁知道呢
You never know.
可能让一切事不同
It might make all the difference.
好的 蓝色的
Okay, then, the blue one.
别担心 你很漂亮
Stop worrying. You look great.
见鬼
Damn it!
今天会非常棒
This day is gonna be great!
今天一定糟糕透了
This day's gonna be crap!
美式主妇 第二季第二十二集
妈妈
Mama!
什么事 宝贝
What is it, baby?
你用乐高搭了辆火车
You made a train out of Legos
然后火车出轨了
and derailed it.
对 417名去夫勒斯♥诺♥的人 全死了
Yup, the 417 to Fresno. No survivors.
能帮我穿鞋子吗
Can you help me with my shoe?
鞋带打结了
The lace is all knotted.
安娜凯特 我跟你说过多少次了
Anna-Kat, how many times have I told you,
你需要好好打理你的衣服
you need to take better care of your clothes?
我不知道
I don't know.
5次 500次
5 times? 500 times?
你说话时全串在一起了
It all kind of runs together when you speak.
好在我今天心情好
You caught me on a good day,
所以我会告诉你
so I am going to show you
如果用信封做鞋拔子
how to use an envelope as a shoehorn.
这是生活小窍门吗
Is this a life-hack?
我爱死生活小窍门了
Because I love life-hacks.
有段视频 有个男人用太阳镜
The video where the guy uses his sunglasses...
作为手♥机♥座
...as a phone stand
令我大开眼界
blew my mind.
把信封放进鞋里
Take the envelope, stick it in the shoe,
把脚顺着信封放进鞋里 然后
and then put your foot on the envelope, and...
我没有想过你们会离婚
Not that I ever think you guys are getting divorced...
但如果你们离了
...but if you do,
我要和你住
I want to move in with you.
现实中 我没办法全天候应付她
Realistically, I can't have her full-time.
妈妈
Mama!
安娜凯特
Anna-Kat!
别把愚蠢的乐高散在愚蠢的地板上
Don't leave your stupid Legos on the stupid floor!
我拉不上鞋子 因为鞋带打结了
I can't put on my shoe because the laces are knotted.
-我需要帮忙 -我没心情
- I need help. - 'm not in the mood for this.
我的鞋带怎么办
What about my shoelaces?
那我的生活呢 安娜凯特
What about my life, Anna-Kat?!
我的生活呢
What about my life?!
我没想过你们要离婚
Not that I think you guys are ever getting divorced,
但如果你们离了 我要和爸爸一起住
but if you do, I want to live with Dad!
很好
Good!
说一个字 今晚你就待在衣柜里
Say one word, and you're spending the night in a closet.
准备好了吗 我要送你们上学
Are you guys ready? I have to drop you off
然后和朋友一起吃早餐
and meet my friend for breakfast.
我本来早就好了 但她一直霸着浴室
I'd be ready, but she's been hogging the bathroom!
你才霸着浴室 你洗澡洗了那么久
You're the one hogging the bathroom with your long showers!
我洗澡时间很短
I don't take long showers!
这么光滑的皮肤 要洗多久就洗多久
For skin this smooth, it takes as long as it takes.
好了 放轻松
Okay, guys, let's take a breath.
奥利弗 你洗澡时间的确长
Oliver, your showers are quite long.
没什么需要洗那么久
I mean, there's just not that much to clean.
换个话题好吗
Let's pivot to another topic, shall we?
好的
Fine.
我心情好
I am in a good mood,
所以我跟你们谈个条件
so I'm gonna make you a deal.
如果你们今天不吵架
If you two stop fighting for the rest of the day,
我给你们每人40块
I'll give you each 40 bucks.
我珍视我们共同度过的时光
I love and cherish these moments we have together.
有你这个弟弟是上天保佑我
I am blessed to have you as my sibling.
你没告诉我 就给孩子们吃药了吗
Did you medicate the kids without clearing it with me?
算了 别回答 我不想知道
Actually, don't answer. I don't want to know.
我需要厕所
I need the room.
你们怎么还没准备好
Why aren't you guys ready?!
你们会害我迟到
You're gonna make me late!
我得和朋友吃早餐
I have to meet my friend for breakfast!
我本来早就好了 但她一直霸着浴室
I'd be ready, but she's been hogging the bathroom!
你才霸着浴室 你洗澡洗了那么久
You're the one hogging the bathroom with your long showers.
妈妈什么都没说 她走了
Mom didn't say anything. She just left.
也许她终于要离开我们
Maybe she's finally leaving us
去墨西哥做冲浪教练
美式主妇
American Housewife
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