美式主妇

American Housewife S02E14

Part 3 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:24 p.m.

I'm going back to school.
我的意思是看到你没事就好
What I really meant to say is, I'm glad you're okay.
乖儿子
Aw, sweetie.
你一只手指按着锁门钮
Are you holding your finger on the door lock
然后用另一只手抱着我吗
while you hug me with only one arm?
不知道啊
I don't know.
你有一只手试着开门
Are you trying to unlock the door
然后一边用另一只手假装抱我吗
while you hug me with only one arm?
够了我要一边开车一边锁门
That's it! I'm driving while locking!
我要边开边锁
I'm driving while locking!
去吧
There you go.
加入圈子
Just get in the circle.
慢慢混进去
Just edge your way in.
就是这样就是这样
That's it. That's it.
不是这样
That's not it.
巨人队粉丝吗
Giants fan, huh?
是啊他们得先处理好四分卫的问题啊
Yeah. They've got to figure out their quarterback problem, huh?
是啊是啊
Yeah. Yeah.
你喜欢邮票吗
You like stamps?
格雷格啊
Oh, Greg.
快看你们穿同款球鞋呢
Hey, look! You two have the same sneakers.
你们何不聊聊这事呢
Why don't you talk about it?
新百伦的
New Balance.
是啊全国各地老爸指定品牌
Yeah -- the shoe of dads everywhere.
我叫格雷格
I'm Greg.
-我叫查尔斯 -幸会
- Charles. - Oh, nice to meet you.
是啊幸会幸会
Yeah, it's good to meet you, too.
卡西迪我爸在聊天的人是你♥爸♥吗
So, Cassidy, is that your dad my dad's talking to?
是啊
Yup.
感觉他们挺合得来啊
They seem to be getting along.
你看
Look.
真有爱
So...cute.
你今天晚点有兴趣来我家
Do you want to come over to my house
一起玩耍吗
for a playdate later today?
行啊
Okay.
天啊
Oh, my God!
这有什么好笑的你现在浑身脏死了
Why is that funny? You're filthy now.
圣诞老人沙肚子
Sandy belly! Ho ho ho!
我为了他所做的牺牲啊
The things I do for him.
你敢说今天不好玩吗
You can't tell me this hasn't been a fun day.
我们混进去白看电影
We snuck into a movie,
去自♥制♥泰迪熊店做熊做到一半就跑
half-made a Build-A-Bear, then ran out,
还一起去逛了订婚戒指
and went engagement ring shopping
把店里的那个女人给吓懵了
and creeped out that woman at Zales.
这一整天毫无建树
This whole day had no productive outcome.
而且我的科学课笔记要得零分了
And I'm gonna get a zero on my science notebook entry.
那又如何
Who cares?
我会帮你写个解释信
I'll write you a note.
你得放松心情不然以后某一天
You have got to lighten up, or before you know it,
你就突然发神经跑去尼泊尔喝牦牛酥茶
you're going to be drinking yak butter in Nepal.
跟我们去戒指店的经历比起来
That sounds like Disneyland
那个简直就像梦幻般的迪士尼乐园
compared to the Zales experience.
克洛伊·布朗·米勒在我们家前院做什么
What is Chloe Brown Mueller doing in our front yard?!
如果我让你开车你愿意帮我碾她吗
If I let you drive, would you run her over?
-妈 -来嘛
- Mom. - Come on.
你会以非成人受审
They'd trial you as a kid,
关个一年半就能放出来了
and then you'd be out in 18 months.
我跟你说过我家前院不要你的标牌
I told you that I don't want your signs in my yard!
所以我才在你不在家时来插啊傻子
Yeah, that's why I did it when you weren't home, dum-dum.
那我要把它们全扯了
Well, I'm pulling them out!
随你我把照片传网上了
Go right ahead. I posted this all on Instagram.
穷♥人♥们会放下他们的速食店汉堡
The poors are gonna drop their Whoppers
还有巨号♥可乐
and their 40-ounce colas
来投我克洛伊·布朗·米勒一票
and vote Chloe Brown Mueller, baby!
你不能非法侵入我的土地
You can't trespass on my property
然后把你的傻♥逼♥标牌插在我♥草♥坪上
and stick your stupid signs in my lawn!
说到插在草坪上的傻♥逼♥东西
Oh, speaking of stupid things stuck in the grass,
你的火烈鸟"不错"啊
nice flamingo.
我挺喜欢的
Ull! I like it.
挺机智又出乎人意料
It's witty and unexpected.
才不机智与出乎人意料呢玛丽亚
It's not witty and unexpected, Maria!
是没品位兼垃圾
It's trashy and crappy!
你说的是这个意思吧
Isn't that what you meant?
这是我奶奶的遗物她以前搜集的
It belonged to my grandmother. She collected them.
所以我留了一只在我的草坪上缅怀她
And I like to keep one in my yard to remind me of her.
我要被你笑死了
Oh, you're killing me!
你奶奶搜集塑料的火烈鸟吗
Your grandmother collected plastic flamingos?
她还搜集什么鬼
What else did she collect?
玛丽亚快帮我想想还有什么没品位的垃圾
Quick -- Maria, give me some trashy and crappy things
我好问问凯蒂她奶奶有没有搜集那个
so I can ask Katie if her grandmother collected them.
我...
Um, I...
天啊你真是没用到爆上车吧
Oh, my God, you're useless. Get in the car!
我都不知道我♥干♥嘛帮你付健保
I don't know why I pay your health insurance.
我得自费12000
I have a $12,000 deductible.
不代表你不能花钱去整你的下巴啊
Doesn't mean you can't fix that chin!
奶奶来救场
Grandma to the rescue!
我们今晚就去火烈鸟
We are going to flamingo
克洛伊·布朗·米勒家的草坪
Chloe Brown Mueller's lawn tonight.
你这句子是什么意思啊
What does that even mean?
就是把火烈鸟插到人家的前院
You put flamingos in someone's yard.
插得满满
Like, a lot of them.
这算哪门子的好主意
How is that a good idea?
你在我们进戒指店前也这么说
You said that before we went into Zales,
但你看我们是不是蹭到了免费气泡水
and we got free sparkling waters.
你有朋友要来家里吗
So, you have a friend coming over?
是啊我们一拍即合
Yeah. We really hit it off.
谢谢你鼓励我出去交朋友
Thanks for making me get back out there.
打从斯坦走后...
Ever since Stan left --
给你个小建议
Piece of advice --
别在新男人面前提起斯坦
don't talk about Stan with this new guy.
他不会想脑海中出现你跟别的爸爸的画面
He does not want to picture you with another dad.
收到
Got it.
应该是你玩耍约会的人来了
That must be your playdate.
-是我们的玩耍约会 -行啊
- Our playdate. - Sure.
我不是那么喜欢这个卡西迪小姑娘
I'm not a big fan of this Cassidy girl,
我们先约好5点必须散会
so let's say we have a hard out at 5:00.
好来吧
Okay. Come on.
-你们好 -你好啊
- Hi. - Hi!
你♥爸♥爸呢
Where's your dad?
他去跟朋友们打网球了
He's playing tennis with his buddies.
我还以为...
Oh, I thought --
感觉很好玩啊
Sounds fun.
快请进
Come on in.
新计划我会跟她一起玩10分钟
New plan -- I'm gonna play with her for 10 minutes,
然后我会催吐我自己
and then I'm gonna make myself throw up.
这一定会让克洛伊·布朗·米勒气炸
This is going to make Chloe Brown Mueller lose her mind.
我为明天的玛丽亚先默哀
I would not want to be Maria tomorrow.
甚至是为她此生默哀
Or ever.
那姑娘好可怜啊
That is one sad lady.
说实话我不懂
Honestly, I don't understand
在别人草坪插满火烈鸟有何乐趣
why putting flamingos in someone's yard is fun.
如果你从我身上能学到一件事
If you only learn one thing from me,
那就是没有什么比整人更有趣了
it's that nothing is more fun than messing with people.
你认真的吗
Seriously?!
你希望我从母亲身上学到的唯一一件事是整人
That's the one thing you want me to learn from my mother?
这个嘛... 整人与...
Well...that and...
同情心吧我猜
compassion, I guess.
你继续插火烈鸟
You keep up with the flamingos.
我再去多画几个鸡鸡
I'm gonna go draw some more penises.
"米"字的撇捺要来个鸡鸡大战了
Ooh! The L's in "Mueller" Are gonna have a sword fight!
条子