美式主妇

American Housewife S02E22

Part 3 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:25 p.m.

smash this tiny jam jar on your forehead.
砸她砸她砸她
Jam her! Jam her! Jam her!
妈让奥利弗停下
Mom, tell Oliver to stop it.
你们又在吵什么
What are you fighting about now?
我想喝咖啡但奥利弗不动
I want to drink my coffee, but Oliver won't budge.
泰勒用另一只手
Taylor, use your other hand.
你为什么没告诉我
Why didn't you tell me that?
别这样
Cut it out!
好给你吃
Okay, fine. You can have it.
我保证这次我这只手不会捣乱
I promise I won't jerk my hand this time.
贱♥人♥
Bitch.
妈妈我买♥♥了果汁
Mama, I got my juice.
你做什么安娜凯特
What the hell, Anna-Kat?!
我被鞋带绊倒了因为你不肯帮我
I tripped on my shoelace because you wouldn't help me!
你毁了我的毛衣
You ruined my sweater!
你毁了我一年级时做的立体模型
And you ruined my first-grade diorama.
没错我什么都记得
That's right. I forget nothing.
凯蒂·奥图
Katie Otto?
不把手铐藏起来就死
Hide the handcuffs or die.
艾希莉·克拉克
Ashley Clark!
注意情况
Keep an eye on things.
恶化了就带我离开
If it goes bad, get me out of here.
好久不见
It has been way too long!
瞧你
Look at you.
我也想拥抱但这是新套装
Oh, I would totally hug, but this is a new suit, so...
凯蒂
So, Katie. ‭
跟我说说
Tell me everything.
好的
Well...
说实话艾希生活很美好
Honestly, Ash, life is great.
但之前你说你讨厌你可怕愚蠢的生活
But earlier, you said you hate your horrible, stupid life.
她在玩说反话
She's playing opposite day right now.
我没有
No, I'm not.
这姑娘很固执
The girl's consistent.
这是你另外两个孩子
So, are those your other two?
我得去上厕所
I have to go to the bathroom.
我不会看你小便
I'm not watching you pee!
不在里面尿就是在这里尿
It's either pee in there or pee out here.
你自己选
Your choice!
不另两个孩子出去给流浪汉送餐了
No. The other two are out feeding the homeless.
妈他逼着我看他小便
Mom, he's trying to make me watch him pee!
他们在那里
There they are.
他们被手铐铐在一起吗
Are they... handcuffed together?
你呢
So, what about you? ‭
结婚了吗有孩子吗
Are you married? Do you have kids?
没有我有条船还有很多情人
No, I have a boat and lovers.
我有辆小厢式车还有格雷格
I have a minivan and Greg.
你在这里待多久
So, how long are you in town for?
我在西港待到周三
Well, I'm in Westport till Wednesday
给玛莎·斯图尔特做推介
to pitch to Martha Stewart.
然后去纽约做演讲
And then I go to New York to do a TED Talk.
听起来太棒了
That sounds amazing.
说实话凯蒂这都多亏了你
To be honest, Katie, I owe it all to you.
怎么说
How so?
本来要升职的人是你
You were the one in line for all those promotions.
想想看
I mean, just think,
如果你没生这三个孩子
if you didn't have these three...
你就会是我
‭...you'd be me.
你能想象吗
Can you imagine?
真好笑
That is so funny!
我们要插嘴吗
Uh, should we jump in?
不已经错过时机了
No. I think we already missed our moment.
我们还是走吧
We should probably leave.
那得由凯蒂买♥♥单
Yeah, but then Katie will be stuck with the check.
怎样她反正会生我们的气
So? She's already gonna be pissed at us.
说得好走
Good point. Let's bounce.
我知道你心情不好所以我给你带回来了
I knew you were in a bad mood, so I brought you
人物杂♥志♥的填字谜书
People Magazine's Crossword Puzzle Book.
总是能帮助你恢复自信
It always helps your self-esteem.
太对了我可以直接用钢笔填
Damn right it does. I could do it in ink.
-出了什么事 -不想说
- What happened here? - ‭Can't.
你照看孩子
You've got the kids.
我上楼
I'm going upstairs
想象我们的孩子是27英尺的游艇
to imagine our children are a 27-foot catamaran.
我想我正经历中年危机
I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
我的生活太棒了
My life is awesome!
我的生活太失败了
My life sucks!
早餐见面真的那么糟
Did your breakfast date really go that badly?
那是一场灾难
It was a disaster.
艾希莉是总裁环游世界
Ashley is a big CEO who travels the world.
她是成功者
She's a success,
而我失去了成功的机会
and I missed my opportunity to become a success, too.
凯蒂你是成功者
Katie, you are a success.
你的看法根本不重要
Your opinion doesn't matter.
我吃了洋葱花球后你都会觉得我性感
You think I'm sexy after I eat a Bloomin' Onion.
我爱你
Well, I love you.
你在牛排餐厅灯光下的样子
And the way you look in that Outback Steakhouse lighting,
拜托我只是普通人
come on, I'm only human.
我正为自己感到可怜呢
I'm trying to feel sorry for myself.
如果你不能同情我你就出去
So if you can't get onboard with the pity party, get out.
我能怎么帮你
How can I help?
造架时空机接受乳胶
Build a time machine and a tolerance to latex.
右手戴着手铐的人
It seems only fair that the person
失去拇指才公平
who has the handcuff on their right hand loses their thumb.
-安娜凯特快 -马上来
- Anna-Kat, chop-chop. - n it.
没人失去拇指安娜凯特
No one's losing their thumb, Anna-Kat.
妈妈今天很不顺我也一样
Okay, Mom's having a bad day, and so am I.
但我在解决她的问题前
But I'm not allowed to have my bad day
不能哀叹我的倒霉
until I first fix her bad day.
你们要帮我
And you're gonna help me.
我们戴着这个怎么做
How are we supposed to do that with these things on?
安娜凯特借我一个发夹
Anna-Kat, I need to borrow a bobby pin.
好了
That's it. There we go.
爸你在哪里学的
Wow, Dad. Where'd you learn to do that?
有晚我学会的你妈和我...
I figured it out one night when your mom and I...
网上学的
YouTube.
我们有客人
We have guests!
我知道你心情不好
I knew you were in a bad mood,
所以我给你带了不加盐的坚果
so we brought you some unsalted nuts.
因为这是你的最爱
Because they're your favorite,
你的快乐对我们很重要
and your happiness is important to us.
你给了他们多少钱
How much are you paying them?
-加到60了 -他做什么
- We're up to $60. - What is he doing?
他在竞争激烈的你比我猜联盟
He's in a highly competitive charades league.
他喜欢在空闲时练习
He likes to practice in his free time.
-《侏罗纪公园》 -对了
- "Jurassic Park"! - ‭Nailed it!
我以前总是很孤单
You know, I used to be lonely.
现在我有你们我的新家人
Now I have all of you. My new family.
现在我有地方过圣诞了
Now I have a place to go for Christmas!
我需要点空气
I need some air.
你的办公室带来幽闭恐惧症的感觉
So your office is a little claustrophobic.
你一直喜欢做核磁共振
You always love getting MRIs.
我那么努力拿到终身教职现在拿到了
I worked so hard for tenure, and now that I have it,
我感觉一切又从头开始
I feel like I'm starting at the bottom all over again.
我在脑海中对行政洗手间的期待太高了
And I built up the executive washroom in my head too much.
还行
Like, it's fine.
有高级香皂没有糖果
There are these fancy soaps that are not candy.
对
Right.
我去散步
I'm gonna take a walk.
《珍爱》根据萨菲尔的小说《推》改编
Precious, Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire."
我太厉害了
Yes! I'm so good!
我们要找个办法鼓舞你们爸爸的士气