美式主妇

American Housewife S02E10

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:23 p.m.

看来圣诞老人忘了一块
Ooh! Looks like Santa forgot one.
礼物
Presents!
圣诞快乐亲爱的
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
你穿着新衣服真帅
You look handsome in your new outfit.
是吗今年我冒险全跟着人型模特走
Really? 'Cause I risked it this year and went full mannequin.
人型模特穿的我就买♥♥
Whatever the mannequin was wearing, I bought.
大家不要动你们知道程序
Everybody freeze! You know the drill.
首先生火然后吃顿丰富的早餐
First we build a fire, then we have a big breakfast,
然后爸爸发表"圣诞节真正意义"的讲话然后
then Dad gives his "True Meaning of Christmas" Speech, then...
奥利弗打断我说
Oliver cuts me off and says...
可以直接拆礼物吗
Can we just get to the presents?
然后你说
And then you say...
别逼我在圣诞节打你
Don't make me hit you on Christmas.
然后我发表完讲话我们拆礼物
And then I finish the speech, and we all open presents.
这就是我们的家庭传统
And that's our family tradition.
我们只需要等爸爸的季节性疑病症发作
All we need is Dad's seasonal hypochondria to kick in.
如果是真病了就是疑病
It's not hypochondria if it's real.
我的手有刺痛感
My hands are definitely tingling.
有可能是昨晚包礼物弄成了腕关节综合症
It feels like carpal tunnel from wrapping all those presents last night.
也许是关节炎我奶奶的手是这样的
Or maybe it's arthritis. My nanna had hands like this.
不是关节炎泰勒说得对
It's not arthritis. Taylor's right.
你的疑病症在圣诞节尤其严重
Your hypochondria flares up every Christmas
因为你知道医生都休息
because you know all the doctors' offices are closed.
街上的韦伯医生不休息
There's always Dr. Weber down the street.
他退休搬到俄勒冈了
He retired and moved to Oregon.
他现在只实施安乐死
He just euthanizes people now.
我们快点搞完这些愚蠢的传统
Let's just get through these stupid traditions...
有意义的传统
...that are so meaningful.
壁炉里的噼啪声
The crackle of the fireplace,
苹果和肉桂的味道
the smell of apples and cinnamon,
窗台上的雪都令圣诞变得特别
snow on the windowsill are all what make Christmas special.
-但是 -但是这间房♥里的人
- But -- - But the people in this room --
才是令圣诞节最特别的
that's what makes Christmas the most special of all.
礼物
Presents!
我希望圣诞老人给我带了《大结局
I hope Santa brought me volume two of "The Big Finish:
富有出名他们怎么死的》的第二卷
Rich, Famous, and How They Died."
我已经记得第一卷了
I practically memorized volume one.
匈奴王喝醉了
Attila the Hun got drunk
在新婚之夜死于鼻出血
and died of a nosebleed on his wedding night.
他被自己的血淹死了
He drowned in his own blood.
匈奴王
Attila...
我的芭蕾舞票呢
Where are my ballet tickets?
信封还是他们故意用这个大盒子骗我
Envelope or are they just trying to trick me with the big box?
我希望这些盒子中有爱
I hope love is in one of these packages,
因为我和埃约分手后就没有爱了
because I don't have any since Eyo and I broke up.
我希望这些盒子里有口套
I hope a muzzle is in one of those packages.
这是什么嗓音
What's making that noise?
听起来很熟悉
It sounds familiar.
是座机
It's the landline!
没人会打座机除非
No one calls the landline unless --
有人死了
Somebody's dead.
或是电脑想骗你
Or it's that computer that tries to trick you
以为它是真人
into thinking it's a real person.
你好我是艾米
"Hi, this is Amy.
给我点时间调整我的耳机
Give me a moment to adjust my headset."
我每次都上当
She gets me every time.
大家别动
Nobody move!
传统是我们一起拆礼物
The tradition is, we open presents together.
喂
Hello?
药给我用药混♥蛋♥
Drugs! Give me drugs, you hack!
-多瑞丝 -终于找到你了
- Doris? - ‭Oh, finally.
凯蒂你在哪里
Katie, where are you?!
我跟你发了无数短♥信♥
I've been texting you like crazy!
我没收到
I didn't get any --
我快生了我就一个人
I'm in labor, and I'm all alone!
你的家人呢
Where's your family?
阿斯彭我的预产期是两周后
Aspen. I wasn't due for another two weeks,
所以我让大家都离开因为我太胖了
so I sent everybody out of town because I'm huge,
我身体产生的气体臭得连狗都跑开
and my body's producing a gas that made our dog run away.
你想要我做什么
Okay, well, what do you want me to do?
快过来
Get your butt over here.
我才不会一个人生孩子我又不是少女荡♥妇♥
I'm not giving birth alone like some teenage crack whore.
我马上来我们只需要拆...
I'll be right there. We just need to open --
马上
Now.
好的我来了
Okay, I'm coming.
多瑞丝要生孩子了
Doris is having a baby.
大家别碰任何东西圣诞节先缓缓
Nobody touches anything. Christmas is on hold.
别担心这是她的第四个孩子
Don't worry. It's her fourth.
希望可以一下子就出来
Hopefully, it'll slide right out.
美式主妇第二季第十集
妈你不能走我们必须拆礼物
Mom, you can't go anywhere. We have to open our presents.
不我回来才能拆
No! Not until I get back.
太不像话了
This is madness!
你觉得我的手是蓝色的吗
Do my hands look blue to you?
你很好
You're perfectly fine.
无论怎样你都不要上网
And under no circumstances are you to try
自我诊断
to diagnose yourself online.
你知道会发生什么事
You know what happens.
你觉得我的眼睛黄吗
Do my eyes look yellow to you?
我感觉我的肝没工作了
I feel like my liver isn't working.
我的大便漂起来了
My poop is floating.
我确信我的胰腺不工作了
I'm pretty sure my pancreas is shutting down.
去看看
Take a look.
我闻到烤焦的吐司味
I smell burnt toast,
我想我中风了
so I think I'm having a stroke.
这是普通吐司
That's regular toast.
我闻到的是中风吐司味
I'm smelling stroke toast.
我知道了
I hear you,
但让我用谷歌♥搜索一次症状
but let me Google my symptoms just once.
必应都行
I'll even take Bing.
让我必应一下我的症状
Let me Bing my symptoms.
不准上网我会马上回来
No Internet. I'll be back as soon as I can.
无论怎样
And no matter what,
别让他们拆礼物
do not let them open their presents.
真不敢相信你要把礼物锁在你的办公室
I can't believe you have to lock our presents up in your office
因为你不信任我们
because you don't trust us.
我们是这种状态吗爸
Is that where we're at, Dad?
这是我的状态
That's where I'm at.
我只想确保你也是这种状态
I just want to make sure that's where you were at, too.
出去出去出去
Out. Out. Out!
没礼物没男友
No presents. No boyfriend.
过节时单身太难受了
Being single on the holidays is so hard.
有些问题连圣诞老人都无法解决
Some problems Santa can't even fix.
冷静阿黛尔我也有麻烦
Reel it in, Adele. I've got my own stuff.
我要知道我是否拿到了
I need to know if I got those tickets
-《胡桃夹子》的票 -为什么
- to "The Nutcracker." ‭- Why?
你可以带芭蕾课的女生一起去吗
So you can take that girl from your ballet class?
是的
Yes.
你喜欢她
Ooh, you like her?
-我想是的 -别这样
- I think I do. ‭- Knock it off.
你这种表现叫我怎么取笑你
How am I supposed to tease you when you're acting this way?
你有约她出去吗
Have you asked her yet?
那个我想知道
So, I was wondering --
什么
What?
我没招
I've got no game.
真令人沮丧
It's just so frustrating
因为我机敏
because I'm agile,
我聪明脸也长得帅
I'm smart, the face is working.
让我帮你
Let me help you.
你为什么这样做
Why would you do that?
因为这个圣诞节我没有爱