美式主妇
American Housewife
第二季
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美式主妇
American Housewife S02E15
Part 3
Dec. 10, 2019, 2:24 p.m.
那都是我的错
and it'll all be my fault!
-不会有事的 -有事
- It's gonna be okay. - No, it won't!
所有人都会恨我 真的恨我
Everyone will hate me! Like, really hate me!
我会失去所有朋友
And I'll lose all my friends!
金发对金发 你现在真让我失望
Blonde to blonde, you're failing me right now!
我已经尽力了
I am doing the best I can!
你为什么吼我
Why are you yelling at me?!
我只是在配合你
I'm just matching your energy!
至少你有老公可以照顾他们
Well, at least you have a husband to take care of them.
亚当 他连打印机都装不好
Oh, Adam. He can't even set up a printer.
两年来 一直放在他的办公室没动过
For two years, it has sat in his office untouched.
这不是跑步机
It's not a NordicTrack.
这是打印机 装起来
It's a printer! Set it up!
凯蒂 别跑题太远
Katie, come back to me.
抱歉
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
今天重点是我
Today's about me.
妈妈模式下线了
The mom switch is turned off.
你把完美皮肤的模式打开了
And you left the flawless-skin switch turned on.
亚当 自从我发现
Oh, Adam, I have loved you
你在高中时重300磅
ever since the moment I found out
我就爱上了你
you weighed 300 pounds in high school.
我给你看过我的赘肉皮吗
Have I ever shown you my excess skin?
没有
No.
格雷格 你和凯蒂打算什么时候告诉我
Greg, when were you and Katie planning on telling me
你们的孩子很可怕
your kids were completely horrible?
我已经跟11个人谈过了
Okay, you're about the 12th person I've talked to.
别再叫别人接
Do not transfer me.
我已经完成了所有步骤
I've done all the steps --
拔插头 重插 恢复出厂设置
unplugged, replugged, factory reset.
依然出现J5错误
I'm still getting a J5 error.
我谢谢你觉得遗憾
Well, I appreciate that you're sorry to hear that,
但我知道"我帮你转其他人"
but I know the "I'm about to transfer you" Voice
的口气 你别
when I hear it, so don't you --
主菜单
Main menu!
你在地狱J5错误去吧
You're gonna have a J5 error in hell!
太搞笑了
It's so funny!
大家都说凯蒂是暴♥力♥家长
Everyone says Katie is the dangerous parent.
维芙 我去买♥♥打印机
Viv, I'm gonna go get a new printer.
你照顾孩子
You've got the kids.
什么 我
Wha-- I...
我是凯蒂 留下口信
It's Katie. Leave a message.
凯蒂 你孩子快要了我的命 你老公疯了
Katie, your kids are killing me and your husband's gone crazy
没有佣人让我骂了出气 所以
and there's no hired help to yell at, so...
你能回电吗
can you call me back?
你在哪里
Where are you?
我不懂为什么孩子喜欢这个
I don't see why kids love this so much.
如果我们在侏罗纪时代 恐龙呢
If we are in Jurassic times, where are all the dinosaurs?
凯蒂 在你后面
Katie, behind you.
跑
Run!
安娜凯特 怎么样了
Oh, hey, Anna-Kat. How's it going?
不好
Not good.
我来解释下学校作业的规矩
Let me explain how school projects work.
好的
Okay.
我做四分之一
I do a quarter of it.
家长要做完四分之三
A parent gets fed up and does the other three quarters.
好的
Okay.
线粒体
Mitochondria.
我大学时得过一次这个病
Oh, I think I had that in college once.
喝蔓越莓汁可以好
Y-You drink cranberry juice to get rid of it.
我要果冻配香蕉
I want Jell-O with banana medallions.
好的
Okay. Okay.
我没看到果冻
I don't see any Jell-O.
那是因为你得做出来
That's because you have to make it.
我可以挑出胡萝卜
I can scoop out the carrots.
这是你的错 维芙
That was your fault, Viv.
我的天 你还好吧
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
我焦虑时就会这样
This is what happens when I get anxious.
如果你能找到我的队服
If you could just find my jersey,
就会没事了
everything would be fine!
不 你需要纸巾
No, no, you need paper towels.
你长得像吉娃娃
Just because you look like a Chihuahua
并不代表你有着超窄的注意力范围
doesn't mean you have to have the attention span of one.
现在开始帮我
Now start helping me.
老天
Aah! God!
太恶心了
That's so gross. That's so gross!
够了 够了
That's it! That's it!
够了 去找你们妈妈
That's it! We're going back to your mother.
我们走 上车
Let's go. Get in the car!
我的天
Oh! Oh, my God.
我不能保护你 我太美了做不来这个
I can't shield you! I'm too pretty for this!
我太美了做不来这个
I really am! I'm too pretty for this!
看 迷你防锈剂
Oh, look, a mini WD-40.
这个将解决好多问题
This is going to solve so many of our problems.
我喜欢这里
I love it here.
可以逛几个小时
You can stroll around for hours
同时帮助并无视家人
while both helping and neglecting your family.
她懂
She gets it.
对不起
Oh, I'm sorry.
凯蒂
Katie?
你来我的礼拜堂做什么
What are you doing in my house of worship?
你在买♥♥新的打印机
Are you buying a new printer?
旧的新打印机怎么了
What is wrong with our old new printer?
我想装好 但最新的软件更新
I tried setting it up, but the latest software update
令它和我们的电脑不兼容
basically made it incompatible with our computer.
我们浪费了150块
So we wasted 150 bucks
因为你两年没装好打印机
because you didn't set up a printer for two years?!
-他烦着你了吗 -她没事
- Is this guy bothering you? - She's fine.
我没和你说话
I'm not talking to you.
亚当 这是格雷格
Adam, this is Greg.
原来是老公格雷格
Oh, as in "Husband Greg"?
他在买♥♥新的打印机
He's buying a new printer.
他装不好原来那个
He couldn't get the old one set up?
这是谁
Who is this?
你有两年时间
You had two years!
打印机在盒子里两年
That printer was in the box for two years.
她连一张食谱都打不出来
She even couldn't print out a single recipe.
这是什么情况
What's happening right now?
她为你做了那么多事 你居然说她唠叨
Everything she does for you, and you call her a "Nag"?!
我没说她唠叨 我说她正在唠叨
I never called her a nag. I said she was nagging.
咬文嚼字
Oh, semantics!
你是圣人
You are a saint.
这个女人是圣人
This woman is a saint!
交给我吧
I got it from here.
我打印了你的邀请函样本
Oh, I printed out your sample invitations,
我用了咖喱角字体
and I used a font called "Samosas."
瞧啊 格雷格
Look at that, Greg.
他只是离开了不到两年的时间
He was gone just a little less than two years.
我们能私下聊聊吗
Can we speak someplace a little more private?
好 谢谢你 亚当
Fine. Thank you, Adam.
圣人
A saint!
你把我们的生活点滴都告诉了超♥市♥员工
You shared every detail of our lives with the Hideaway guy?
他有名字 他叫亚当
He has a name! Adam.
亚当什么
Adam something.
你知道这令人多生气吗
Do you know how infuriating this is?
你做什么
What are you doing?
我不知道
I don't know.
我们站在床前吵 感觉上来才对
We're fighting in front of a bed. It just felt right.
妈妈
Mama!
凯蒂 谢天谢地
Oh, Katie. Thank God.
你怎么找到我的
How did you find me?
美式主妇
American Housewife
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