美式主妇

American Housewife S02E14

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:24 p.m.

你知道克洛伊·布朗·米勒
Do you know Chloe Brown Mueller
要参选费尔菲尔德县议员吗
is running for Fairfield County councilperson?
我一直在琢磨怎么把她竞选标牌上的字母
I've been trying to think of a way to deface her lawn signs
改变一下顺序来羞辱她
by rearranging the letters in her name.
把克留下
Cross out the "C" and the "H",
划掉"洛与依"改成"夫相"
slip in an "S", add an "R".
就变成"克夫相"啦
It spells "loser".
感觉好麻烦啊
Ah. Sounds like a lot of work.
我就往她竞选标牌上画鸡鸡♥吧♥
I think I'll just draw penises on them.
安娜凯特要我跟你说多少次
Anna-Kat, how many times have I told you?
不要喂它餐桌上的食物
Do not feed Hans Gruber from the table.
它每天只长9斤肉
He's only gaining 10 pounds a day.
它都要瘦没了
He's wasting away to nothing!
汉斯走开
Hans, go!
奥利弗现在就来吃饭
Oliver, dinner table -- now.
我在等着我的中文课成绩呢
I'm waiting for my Mandarin grade to post.
为什么你对成绩这么上心
Why are you so worked up about this grade?
你不是总得全优吗
You always get straight A's.
是啊但杰里米·弗莱舍
I know I do, but Jeremy Fleisher's
会大大影响我中文课班级的分数曲线
gonna obliterate the curve in my Mandarin class.
何以见得
How do you know that?
他父母圣诞节
His parents just brought him
给他弄了一个12岁的中国男孩
a 12-year-old from China for Christmas.
他父母给他买♥♥了12岁的人类吗
His parents brought him a 12-year-old human being?
不是是对外交流计划的孩子
No, it's a foreign exchange program.
本来应该是他家教那孩子英语
They're supposed to teach the kid English,
但他们反过来要那个孩子教杰里米中文
but instead, they make him tutor Jeremy in Mandarin.
-我能再要一点... -这样不行你懂规矩的
- Could I please have more... - Unh-unh-unh! You know the rules.
你妈妈是一个坏女人
想象下她不吃维柯丁的话会怎么样
分数来了
Grades are in.
分数B+
我只得到了B+吗
I got a B-plus?!
我这辈子毁了
My life is ruined!
彻底毁啦
Ruined!
B+不错啦
A B-plus is great.
你当然觉得B+不错啦
Of course you think a B-plus is great --
你的人生也就是个C-
'cause your life is a C-minus!
给老娘冷静下来
Calm...down!
你才8年级 8年级的成绩不算数
You're in eighth grade. Eighth grade doesn't count.
都算数所有成绩都算数
It all counts! It all counts!
他真的很激动啊
He's really worked up.
他开始发作一句话说两遍了
He's doing that thing where he repeats everything.
亲爱的让我给你分♥析♥一下
Honey, let me give you some perspective.
就拿你♥爸♥爸跟我来说
Take your father and me.
他当年也对分数很执着
He was obsessed with grades.
而我成绩从不放心上尽情享受人生
Me -- I didn't worry so much and just enjoyed my life.
你猜怎么着
Guess what.
我们最后还是沦落到同一个地方
We wound up in the same place --
同一屋檐下
same house.
其实我混得还比他好
Actually, I'm doing a little better
毕竟老娘不用去工作
because I don't have to go to work.
而且如果你不想就可以不♥穿♥真正的裤子
And you don't have to wear real pants if you don't want to.
而且我不想就可以不♥穿♥真正的裤子
And I don't have to wear real pants if I don't want to!
这里是我人生康庄大道的起点
I'm on a track, and it starts here.
我必须得成为最优秀毕业生代表
I have to become valedictorian,
然后去哈佛大学沃顿商学院高盛投资公♥司♥
then it goes Harvard, Wharton, Goldman Sachs,
然后我的第二任娇妻
then a remodel in the Hamptons
就会忙着装♥修♥我在富人度♥假♥区♥的别♥墅♥
that my second wife can busy herself with.
我估计会比较喜欢你第一任妻子
I'm probably gonna like your first wife.
你们离婚后我跟她保持联♥系♥可别怨我
Don't be mad when I maintain a relationship with her.
他给自己添加太大的压力了
He puts way too much pressure on himself.
对啊有点失控了
I know. This is getting out of hand.
你觉得该找人去跟他谈谈吗
Do you think he should talk to somebody?
他也不听我们说
He's not listening to us.
找个能给他点真知灼见的人
Someone to give him a little perspective.
对
Yeah.
我知道谁是最适合的人选
And I think I know just the person.
我都不知道我为什么要来这里
I don't even know why I'm here.
你来是因为你需要我的帮助
You're here because you need my help.
你得学会怎么让自己从学业上放松
You need to learn how to take your mind off of school.
我在网上看过一个视频
I saw this YouTube video about this girl
是一个跟你一样很有干劲的姑娘
who was really driven, like you,
她最后崩溃了还被人改了首洗♥脑♥歌♥
and she eventually cracked up and got Auto-Tuned into a song.
那首歌♥超好笑呢
The song is really funny
只要你不去想这女的已经疯了
if you forget that she's dead inside.
行吧白♥痴♥版读心术大♥师♥
Okay, dumb Yoda,
那你有什么建议可以给我
what advice do you have for me?
开始疯狂看剧能让你的脑子停止运转
Start binge-watching something. It'll help turn your brain off.
对你来说当然简单你脑子就没运转过
Easier for you, 'cause yours was never on.
你应该听我的话
You should listen to me.
一次看个几季的"实习医生格蕾"
Watch a dozen seasons of "Grey's Anatomy" in a row.
看了以后你才不会在意上没上哈佛
You're not gonna care if you get into Harvard or not
毕竟你可是连
once you've seen a bomb
从人体里取出炸♥弹♥都看过好几次的人
get pulled out of a body for the fourth time.
我一定会上哈佛
Hey, I am going to Harvard!
我甚至都已经练习了假谦虚
I even practice that phony evasive thing
跟别人说我在波士顿读大学的招数
where I tell people I go to college in Boston.
"你是在波士顿大学读书吗"
"Oh. B.U.?"
"不是是在哈佛大学"
"No -- Harvard".
你爱我吗
Ni ai wo ma.
你爱我吗
Ni ai wo ma.
-你爱我吗 -你爱我吗
- Ni ai wo ma. - Ni ai wo ma.
你爱我吗
Ni ai wo ma.
奥利弗你为什么不睡觉
Oliver, why aren't you in bed?
我在练习中文
I'm practicing my Mandarin.
我用泰勒偷来的在线网站密♥码♥
I'm using Taylor's stolen Netflix password
在看中文肥皂剧
to watch a Chinese soap opera.
都半夜2点半了你不睡觉怎么行
It's 2:30 in the morning. You need to get some sleep.
你这么搞你高中毕业前就会倦怠
You keep this up, you'll burn out before high school ends
之后就只能去你的保底学校
and end up at some safety school.
我才不去康奈尔[顶级名校]
I'm not going to Cornell!
给我起来
Come on!
去睡觉
Bed.
我不想去睡觉
听起来感觉有点像"去你的"啊
That sounded a little like "Go yourself".
美式主妇第二季第十四集
我好担心奥利弗
I'm worried about Oliver.
他把分数看得好重搞得生活都不开心
He's obsessed with his grades and not enjoying his life.
他暑假还想去上高考冲刺营
He wants to go to SAT camp this summer.
你敢信居然有这种东西吗
Can you believe that's a thing?
知道啊我谎报了我孩子的年纪
Oh, yeah -- I lied about my kids' ages
让他们在6岁的时候就进去了
so they could start when they were 6.
里面没有任何娱乐活动只有学习
They have no fun activities -- just studying.
我还勾选了同意老师体罚选项
Oh, and I checked the box saying they could hit them.
还记得当年我们觉得生孩子会让你心软吗
Ugh. Remember when we thought having that baby would soften you up?
我们可真傻啊
We were so stupid.
姑娘们好啊
Hello, ladies!
千万别动毒蛇看不到静止的生物
Be very still. Her vision is based on movement.
您可真会说笑
You are so funny!
你介意把我的竞选标牌插到你家
Hey, would you mind putting one of my campaign signs
迷你袖珍的前院草地上吗
in your teeny, tiny yard?
你为啥会想插♥你♥的标牌在我家草坪
Why would you want your sign in my yard?
你从来没说过我家一句好话
All you ever do is insult my house.
那只是跟你嬉闹开玩笑嘛
That was just playfully joking around!
对吧玛丽亚
Right, Maria?
跟凯蒂说我很搞笑就喜欢跟人开玩笑
Tell Katie I'm funny and I like to joke around.
你很搞笑
You're funny.
还有我喜欢跟人开玩笑
And I like to joke around!
她喜欢跟人开玩笑
She likes to joke around.
天啊你不是吧玛丽亚
Okay. Seriously, Maria?
我付给你7.45美金的时薪与医保
I pay you $7.45 an hour, plus Obamacare
难道是为了这点三流的演技吗