美式主妇

American Housewife S02E03

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 2:22 p.m.

怎能不爱公立学校免费的保姆
You got to love public school -- free babysitting
又方便我扔掉车里的垃圾
and a convenient place to throw away my car garbage.
你毁了我儿子的人生
You ruined my son's life!
泰拉·萨莫斯
Ah, Tara Summers --
我女儿男友的妈
my daughter's boyfriend's mother.
如果在这世上我能随便揍一个人
If I had one free punch for anyone in the world,
我会揍布莱恩特·冈贝尔
it would be Bryant Gumbel.
如果能揍两个人第二个就是泰拉·萨莫斯
But if I had two, it would be Tara Summers.
埃约不想成为麻醉医师了
Eyo doesn't want to be an anesthesiologist anymore.
他想做卡♥通♥画家
He wants to be a cartoon artist.
在你家待了一天
‭He spends the day at your house,
现在他就想"追求他的梦想"
and now he wants to "Follow his dreams."
听起来真是一粒坏种
Sounds like a real bad seed.
-妈妈 -宝贝
- Hi, Mom. - ‭Hi, honey.
妈妈奥托姆可以和我一起玩吗
Mama, can Autumn and I have a playdate?
为什么我们的孩子一定要坚持合得来
Why must all of our children insist on getting along?
当然可以宝贝
Of course you can, sweetie.
行一定得在我家
Fine. But it has to be at my house.
如果奥托姆和你待一天她回家后
If Autumn spends a day with you, she'll come back wanting
可能会说长大了想做可怕的职业
to be something awful when she grows up --
比如说老师
like a teacher.
我们走
Come on.
妈我今天坐朋友的车回家行吗
Hey, Mom, is cool if I catch a ride home with my friends today?
好真不错能打进受欢迎的小圈子
Yes. And nice job joining the popular clique.
你知道吗我曾经是五千人高中里
Did you know I was the most popular girl
最受欢迎的女生
in a high school of 5,000 people?
我知道因为你经常提起
I did, because you talk about it constantly.
某人听起来有些嫉妒哦
Well! Somebody sounds jealous.
你看到奥利弗了吗
Have you seen Oliver?
他坐巴士去练芭蕾了
Yeah, he took the bus to ballet practice.
我已经和我妈聊天太久了
I've been seen talking to my mom for a really long time,
我得趁还有朋友时赶紧撤
so I'm gonna go while I still have friends.
拜拜泰勒玩得开心
Bye, Taylor! Have fun!
第一天不带安全小毛毯真为你骄傲
First day without your blankie! I'm so proud of you!
有没有可能我来学校一个孩子也没接到
Is it possible I came to school for nothing?
我实现了所有全职妈妈的梦想
I've achieved what every stay-at-home mom dreams of --
拥有一个自♥由♥的下午
a free afternoon.
我要去百货公♥司♥坐在草坪家具上
I'm going to Target to sit on the lawn furniture!
美式主妇第二季第三集
所以任何团队体育运动选人时我从没被第一个选上
So that's why I was never picked first for any team sports.
总之感谢倾听
Anyways, thanks for listening.
凯蒂
Katie.
奥利弗学完芭蕾你不是要接他回家吗
Shouldn't you be picking up Oliver from ballet?
见鬼我忘了
Oh, crap! I forgot.
我在百货公♥司♥打盹醒来
I'm still a little disoriented
还有点迷糊
from getting woken up from my Target nap.
他们如果不想让你把三张草坪椅
If they don't want you to put three lawn chairs together
拼成床应该竖块牌子
to form a bed, there should be a sign.
你得小心否则人家会禁止你再去
You got to be careful, or they will ban you.
早想到了我每次去不同分店
Way ahead of you. I rotate Targets. ‭
-我得去接奥利弗 -等等
- I got to go pick up Oliver. - ‭No, no, no.
你先别走
Before you leave,
我要为即将出版的书举办一个读书会
I'm doing a reading of my soon-to-be-published book,
《约翰·斯图尔特·密尔
"John Stuart Mill and the Consequences
与彻底的经验主义展望的后果》
of a Thoroughgoing Empiricist Outlook" --
说出来真爽
I just like saying it --
我需要你帮助选章节
and I need some help choosing a passage.
这一章节
Now, this passage
他和哈莉特·泰勒的婚姻应该可以
about his marriage to Harriet Taylor works,
但感觉有点太过定位你觉得呢
but feels a little nichey. Don't you think it's nichey?
太过定位
So nichey.
然后我考虑这段
So then, I considered this passage
讲米尔在英国东印度公♥司♥
about when Mill was the colonial administrator
做殖民地管理人
in the British East India Company,
但我想预告片里
but then I thought -- you don't put
不能播出"卢克我是你爹"
"Luke, I am your father" in the trailer.
当然不行
No, you do not.
所以我想知道你最喜欢哪段
So I was wondering, what's your favorite passage?
老天亲爱的
Gosh, honey.
我喜欢的太多了
There are just so many that I love. ‭
显然第一章
The first one, obviously.
还有第二章真是...
And the second one... is just...
你还没读我的书对吗
You haven't read my book, have you?
你知道如果不是杂♥志♥模样
You know if it doesn't come in magazine form
上面有名人照片
and have pictures of celebrities,
我不可能保持清醒地看完
I have no chance of staying awake.
我现在不能看我得去接奥利弗
I can't read this right now. I got to go pick up Oliver.
大家都说疲劳驾驶和醉驾一样糟糕
And they say tired driving is just as bad as drunk driving.
你支持醉驾吗格雷格
Do you support drunk driving, Greg?
我想也是
I didn't think so.
开车快
Drive! Go, go, go!
你刚准备在退休前
Did you just try to pull off
完成最后一单大劫案
one last heist before retirement,
但你最信任的队友
but the crew member you trusted the most
原来一直为联邦调查局工作
turned out to be working for the feds the entire time?
什么不我只想离开快
What?! No! I just want to leave -- now!
快开车
Punch it!
说真的奥利弗出什么事了
Seriously, Oliver, what is going on?
芭蕾课上出事了吗
Did something happen in ballet?
不我只想离开
No, I just want to go.
如果你不说
If you won't talk...
我就去问你的老师
then I'm gonna ask your teacher.
好吧你赢了我们回家
Fine. You win. Let's go home.
真没用
Sucker!
就当一个教训不要相信任何人
Let this be a lesson to you -- trust no one.
-包括你妈 -这算什么教训
- Not even your own mother. ‭- That's a terrible lesson!
打扰下尼娜
Excuse me, Nina?
奥利弗表现有点奇怪
Oliver has been acting a little weird,
我想知道是否有我需要知道的事
and I was wondering if it's something that I should know about.
事实上的确有件小意外
Actually, there was...an incident.
奥利弗和吉娜·塔斯卡罗分成了一组
Oliver was paired up with Gina Tuscadero.
粉红塔斯卡罗的孙女
The granddaughter of Pinky Tuscadero,
那她岂不是皮衣塔斯卡罗的侄孙女
which would make her Leather Tuscadero's grand-niece?
粉红和皮衣是《快乐时光》中的虚构人物
Pinky and Leather are fictional characters from "Happy Days."
吉娜是真人
Gina is a real person.
你真没意思
Well, you're no fun.
奥利弗和吉娜在练习托举
Oliver and Gina were practicing lifts.
然后在全班面前
And right in front of the class...
他的裤子也在托举
...he kind of got a lift in his pants...
你懂吧
...if you know what I mean.
奥利弗的小弟起来了
Oliver chubbed out?
对我是这意思
Yes. That's what I mean.
我们不谈这事现在不谈永远不谈
We're not talking about this -- not now, not ever.
你在笑吗
A-Are you smiling?
没有
No.
你为什么这么烦躁
Why are you so uptight?
我是你妈我以前给你洗过澡
I am your mother. I used to bathe you.
后来我又长了东西
Yeah, well, I got new stuff since then.
奥利弗别这样我们谈谈
Oliver, come on! Let's talk about this.
没什么可谈的
There's nothing to discuss.
我再也不去上芭蕾课了
I'm never going to ballet again.
他怎么了
What's wrong with him?
记得我们决定要孩子时说好的吗
Remember the deal we made when we decided to have kids?
阴♥道♥问题归你小弟问题归我
You handle the vagina questions and I handle the penisy ones?
太对了
Exactly. ‭
我们刚刚度过了最棒的玩伴日
We had the best playdate ever.
安娜凯特告诉你妈妈
Anna-Kat, tell your mom about it,
别落下任何细节
and don't leave out any detail.
我们去了宠物乐园
Well, we went to the petting zoo.
听起来很有趣
That sounds like fun.
是很有趣然后我知道了令人相当不安的事