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Modern Family S06E15

Part 3 Nov. 29, 2019, 11:33 a.m.

克莱尔你为什么要这样糟蹋自己
Claire, why do you do that to yourself?
你这么漂亮
You are so pretty.
菲尔几点了
Hey, Phil, what time is it?
怎么了
What's wrong?
我的手表不见了爱德华
My watch is gone, Edward,
你做了什么
what did you do?
吉莉安你中间名的开头是什么
Jillian, what's your middle initial?
C 代表凯瑟琳
"C," For Catherine.
菲尔你第一次跟女生接吻是什么时候
And, Phil, what age were you when you first kissed a girl?
12岁和表妹 14岁和不是表妹的女生
12 cousin, 14 non-cousin.
从不是表妹的那个算起吧
Let's stick with non-cousin.
如果你去到那边的14C座位
I think if you go to 14c, seat right over there,
你会找到你想要的[上发条]
you'll wind up with what you're looking for.
我的表是电池表
It works on battery,
不过我好激动
but, oh, my God, I'm excited!
借过
Excuse me.
-菲尔是我 -是你啊
- Phil. It's me. - Oh, hey.
-你在这做什么 -我需要逃离
- What are you doing back here? - I need a break
坐在我旁边的那个女人
from the woman I'm sitting next to up there.
-她是世界上最糟糕的人 -真遗憾
- She is the worst person on earth. - I’m sorry.
我想她对你可能不会这么咄咄逼人
I was hoping she might be a little less aggressive with you.
你愿意跟我换一下座位吗
Do you mind switching with me for a little while?
亲爱的你不会想跟我换的
Oh, honey, you don't want to.
这里简直是地狱
It's hell back here, too.
我左边坐着一位胖女士
I'm squished between this fat lady
一直撞到我的胳膊肘
who keeps digging into my elbow
右边坐着一位汗津津的老兄
and this huge, sweaty dude
一直拿自己的工作夸夸其谈
who won't stop blabbing on about his job.
能抱一下我吗我需要一个拥抱
Well, could I get a hug? I could really use one.
没问题他们让我们回座位了
Sure thing. They want us back in our seats.
我没听到提示声啊
I didn't hear the little ding.
你肯定是耳塞了
Your ears must be plugged.
感觉到了吗
Did you feel that?
什么都没感觉到
No, I-I-I didn't feel anything.
太恐怖了你还是回去吧
This is scary. You should go back.
太棒了
Amazing.
谢谢
Thank you.
大魔法师
Sorcerer!
还不错感受到你的力量了
Not bad. I felt that one.
很不错曼尼
So good, Manny.
这次再用力点
All right, really let one go this time.
想想那家伙让你多么生气
Thinks about how mad this guy makes you.
-他叫什么 -吉迪恩[犹太勇士]
- What's his name? - Gideon.
天呐
Oh, geez.
想想他对你做了什么
All right, think about what he did to you.
我还是不说了
I'd rather not talk about it.
不知道你傻笑什么你的茴香都糊了
I don't know why you're smiling. Your fennel's burnt.
我的奶油南瓜汤就要大功告成了
Whereas I made a perfect butternut squash.
你拿的只是黄油而已
That's just butter.
我忘了我要做的是奶油蛋蛋汤
Oh, yeah, I-I totally forgot the nut squash!
用力用力不错
Snap it. Snap it. Good.
-再来啊 -够了
- More. Good. - I’m done.
不打了不值得
I'm not fighting anymore. It's not worth it.
但你做得很棒啊
But you're doing so good.
就是要先把肩膀转过来
You just have to turn your shoulder first
这样出拳时就能把全身的重量一并送出去
so that you can throw your weight behind your punch.
如果你想的话
If you want.
我觉得你已经很威猛了
I already think that you're very tough.
这都是杰的主意
This is all Jay's idea.
好了继续让他们看看谁是猛♥男♥
All right. Come on, kid. Show them who's boss.
不比起斗殴我更喜欢走慈爱路线
No. I'm more of a lover than a fighter.
反正我的目标是这个
Well, that's the goal, anyway.
宝贝你开心就好
Okay, papi, whatever you decide.
不要让他离开这个房♥间
Don't let him leave this room!
也许该由你来教他
Maybe you should teach him how to hit.
天呐看这个
Oh, my God. Check it out.
罗思收到了你的分手短♥信♥ 给了回复
Rose got your breakup text and wrote back.
她发火了
She mad.
怎么发火了把手♥机♥给我
What? Give me that.
谢谢你发来史上最蠢的分手短♥信♥
"Thanks for the dumbest breakup text ever.
不要夸一个女孩很棒然后跟她分手
Don't call a girl awesome, then break up with her.
如果我那么好你为什么还要甩了我
If I'm so great, why'd you dump me?
别自以为是了冷血的禽兽
Get over yourself, you insensitive troll"?
她是什么毛病怎么能这样跟你说话
What is her problem? She can't talk to you like that.
不她是在跟你们说话
She's not. She's talking to you.
真不敢相信我原来还挺喜欢她
I can't believe I ever liked this girl.
我们的短♥信♥深情又礼貌
Our text was compassionate and respectful.
哪里蠢了
There was nothing dumb about it.
百分之一百万
A million percent.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
那个贱♥人♥惹到我这个贱♥人♥真是失误
This crazy bitch just messed with the wrong crazy bitch.
这不是真的
This is unreal.
我们都知道萨尔有点疯疯癫癫
We always knew Sal was unstable,
但她怎么能做这种事
but how could she do this?
我们还不知道她做了什么
We don't know that she's done anything.
假设她现在坐在一架
Okay, let's just suppose for a second
去往卡波的飞机上
that she's on a plane to Cabo.
然后呢
What then?
也许这一切是命中注定
Maybe this is part of a bigger plan.
也许在莉莉之后
You know, maybe the reason
我们没有领养别的孩子
we didn't adopt another baby after Lily
是因为上帝想让我们收养萨米
was because god wanted us available for Sammy.
这个上帝不让我们领养孩子
Who is this god that denies us a baby,
却让一个狂野女怀了孕
then gets a party girl pregnant,
最后抛弃自己的孩子
only to have her desert the baby
好让我们能收养他
so that we can finally get one?
就是这个上帝让处♥女♥怀孕
The same god that impregnated a virgin,
让摩西在篮子里顺河漂下
sent Moses down the river in a basket,
让亚伯拉罕杀死自己的儿子
and commanded Abraham to stab his own son.
上帝总是对小孩不太好
God only does weird baby stuff.
好吧我承认
Okay, yes, I'll admit,
其实我也想留下这个小家伙
there is part of me that would love to keep this little guy
像萨尔装出来的那样抚养他
and raise him the way Sal was pretending to.
没错也可以给莉莉添个小♥弟♥弟♥
Exactly. Lily could have a baby brother.
但还有制度管着呢
But there are systems in place here.
你总不能把他当作
You can't just keep him
一只院子里捡到的兔子留下吧
like a bunny you found in the yard.
那也太扯了
That's crazy.
听着我们讨论过了
Listen, we discussed it,
我们觉得孩子应该给我们
and we think we should take the kid.
我们该给他取啥名
What should we call him?
不确定但肯定不能叫萨米
Not sure, but definitely not Sammy.
萨米·萨尔茨曼听起来蠢爆了
Sammy Saltzman sounds so silly.
可以用上手洗牌法
We can overhand shuffle,
也可以用鸽尾洗牌法
and we can riffle shuffle...
但你知道吗
But, you know,
无论如何都躲不开暴怒的
there is no escape from the angry...
-皇后 -什么
- Queen. - What?
菲尔你在干什么
Phil. What are you doing?
苦中作乐
Making the best of a bad situation?
那女的为什么要揉你肩膀
Why is that woman rubbing your shoulders?
吉莉安是位按♥摩♥师
Oh, uh, Jillian is a masseuse,
这位就是大名鼎鼎的爱德华·罗格朗
and this, of course, is Edward LeGrand.
见到你很高兴
Pleasure to meet you.
能把黑桃A还我吗
Now, if you could just give me my ace of spades back,
就在你口袋里
it's in your pocket.
原来你那么着急回到这个地狱般的座位
This is why you had to race back to your hellish seat --
是为了享受背部按♥摩♥和纸牌魔术啊
for back rubs and card tricks?
你知不知道我旁边坐着个什么人
Do you have any idea what I'm going through up there?
那女的剪了自己的脚趾甲
She clipped her toenails