飞出个未来（1999）

Futurama S02E11

Part 1 Feb. 14, 2026, 6:10 p.m.

Hermes申请重回正轨
How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back
注：诺♥查♥丹♥玛♥斯♥（Nostradamus）是16世纪法国著名预言家，以其著作《诸♥世♥纪♥》（Les Siècles）而闻名于世。
如诺♥查♥丹♥玛♥斯♥所预言
终于到今天最后一个表格了
finally, the last form of the day.
欢迎来到图章镇新增人口五个
welcome to stampytown, population five.
现在最后一步
and now for the finishing touch.
啊官僚制度的循环
ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.
可爱的马尼拉大猩猩啊！
sweet gorilla of manila!
居然有中♥央♥官僚的信
a letter from the central bureaucracy.
请注意 Hermes Conrad”
"attention, Hermes Conrad.
“你将收到来自中♥央♥官僚机构的信”
"you are about to receive a letter from the central bureaucracy."
我的天
my god!
真是来自中♥央♥官僚的
it's from the central bureaucracy!
我今晚要跟以前在冷冻中心的前同事们玩扑克
i'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job.
你们要来吗
you guys interested?
难说
i don't know.
我一般只和笨蛋赌博
i only gamble with chumps.
我参加
i'll play.
算我一个
i'm in!
Leela Fry 机器人
Leela, Fry, robot
不管你们今晚做什么我都有空
no matter what it is you're doing tonight i'm available.
我们要玩扑克
we're playing poker.
不过事先说明
but i'm warning you
我朋友都很厉害
my friends are serious players.
自以为是
bah, big shots.
对局中见胜负吧
i say let the dice do the talking.
哇你看起来很开心
wow, you look happy.
有人被开除了吗比那还好
is someone fired? better.
中♥央♥官僚机构明天要来审查
the central bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow.
我终于要晋升到35级了
i will finally be promoted to grade 35
这可是第35高的等级
the 35th highest grade there is.
Hermes 别走
Hermes, wait.
我们今晚有个扑克牌聚会
we're having a poker party.
留下来狠狠教训这群蠢货一顿
stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip.
不好意思我花了一整天收拾我的办公室
sorry. i spent all day putting my office in order.
我得回家以传统牙买♥♥加人的方式休息一下
now i got to go home to relax the traditional jamaican way.
喝上一杯热牛奶好好睡一觉
a glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.
牙买♥♥加人我以为你是什么外太空土豆人
jamaican? i thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.
啊你说的应该是我的前老板
ah, that must be my old boss.
你好 Leela 你被开除了
hello, Leela. you're fired.
我知道了
i know.
真遗憾但到目前为止你已经迟到了一整年了
i'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.
我们开始玩吧
let the games begin!
我当时跟Leela讲
so i told Leela
"你的约会邀请特别有吸引力但我必须拒绝”
"your request for a date is most flattering but i must decline."
“办公室恋情不会成功的”
"these office romances never work out."
“毕竟我就是这么和我的悍妻搞到一起的”
"after all, that is how i met my horrible wife."
说得好
that's a good one.
我从没见过你戴戒指
but you never wore your ring.
我都不知道你有个妻子
i didn't know you had a wife.
我的妻子也不知道我有工作
and my wife doesn't know i have a job.
我的个人和职业生活分得很开
i keep my personal and professional life separate.
我们下注吧
come on, let's deal.
等你变穷了有的是时间聊天
you'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor.
你为什么要带眼镜 Bender
what's with the specs, Bender?
这是我的幸运太阳镜
they're my lucky shades.
我从一个幸运儿那里偷得
i stole them off some lucky guy
当时他的导盲犬在打盹
while his lucky seeing eye dog was taking a whiz.
额？
eh?
嘿！
hey!
这一手烂牌
i can't spell anything with these cards.
我终于拿到一爪好牌你们看
finally, i have a good claw. see?
三个女人一个数字和一个给自己做脑部手术的国王
three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.
你有几个女人都没用
it doesn't matter how many human females you have.
Bender一直在赢
Bender's on a hot streak.
我能说什么
what can i say?
一定是因为我的幸运太阳镜
must be my lucky shades.
没什么牌没什么牌
nothing. nothing.
垃圾垃圾废牌
crap. crap. garbage.
看看我这手牌然后哭吧
read 'em and leak saltwater.
我把小孩的奶粉钱输了
my baby's milk money!
我破产了
oh, i am broke.
我要怎么跟我的悍妻解释
what will i tell my horrible wife?
如果我是你我会更担心那条正在
if i were you i'd be more worried about that tapeworm
进你肠子的绦虫
going to town on your intestines.
让我检查下你的眼镜
let me see those glasses.
额...额...
uh... uh...
我的天你这是X光透♥视♥眼♥镜♥
oh, my various gods, x-ray specs!
伙计们额我发誓那些只是个医疗设备
guys, uh, i swear those are prescription.
用来帮我看东西...
i need them for reading stuff...
看东西的背面
on the other side of stuff.
你作弊
you cheater.
把他的脖子掐断
break his neck!
不要伤害他
no, don't hurt him.
他是我最好的朋友
he's my best friend.
嗨你们不会欺负一个戴X光眼镜的人吧
hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with x-ray glasses, would you?
别打我的胳膊
easy on the arm!
哦我的屁♥股♥
oh, my ass!
可爱的莫斯科神牛啊！
great cow of moscow!
额是闹鬼
uh, it was ghosts.
很大的鬼
big ones.
还有龙♥卷♥风♥
and a tornado.
哦！我肯定不能通过审查了
oh! i'll never pass inspection now.
他们会把我的级别降得比林波舞嘉年华的横杆还要低
they'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time.
比最低的还要低
and that's as low as limbo sticks get.
拜托别担心
aw, hey, come on, don't worry.
我们会监督你清洁的
we'll watch you clean up.
来不及了
it's too late.
审查官1秒钟后就到
the inspector will be here in exactly one second.
你是谁
who the hell are you?
Morgan Proctor 官僚19级
Morgan Proctor, bureaucrat, grade 19.
Hermes Conrad 官僚36级
Hermes Conrad, bureaucrat, grade 36.
别寒暄了
enough friendly banter.
可以开始审查了吗
shall we begin the inspection?
这边请
this way, please.
啧 Hermes 你为什么这么平静
geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this.
别担心
don't worry.
我有个计划
i have a plan.
我要跳楼
i'm going to jump!
不要啊不要啊
no! no!
来个空翻
do a flip!
别这么做 Hermes
don't do it, Hermes!
你的生活还有很多意义
you have so much to live for!
我懂了是逆反心理
i get it. reverse psychology.
老朋友千万别跳啊
please, old friend, don't jump.
换个不会伤害你肝的方法
use another method that won't damage your liver.
还有人需要你的肝
other people need it, you know.
老公不要
husband, no!
你走开老婆
out of my way, wife!
我本来也不是做官僚的料
i wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway.
我只有78.36%时间在摸鱼
i'm only anal 78.36% of the time.
我不够格给表格盖章
i'm not worthy to stamp a form
我只能用我的肥胖身躯给马路盖章
so i'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.
Conrad官僚
Bureaucrat Conrad
如果你在完成自杀事宜之前
if you complete your death transaction without filing
没有填报自杀和或意外坠楼许可
a suicide and or falling accident permit
你死后也会被降级
you will be posthumously demoted.
生存还是死亡
life, death--
哪条路我都会被降职到小办公室去
either way i'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.
可爱的什么东西...什么地方...
sweet something of... of someplace.
作为你的上级我现在宣布你已被暂停工作
as your superior, i hereby relieve you of duty.