飞出个未来（1999）

Futurama S02E02

Part 2 Feb. 14, 2026, 6:10 p.m.

may i remind you,you are still under oath.
是
yes.
请在法庭上指出与你发♥生♥关♥系♥的那个人
please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with...
他的名字是？
and his name is?
Zapp Brannigan
正是那个根本没有炸毁总部的Zapp Brannigan
the very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up doop headquarters.
我问完了
i rest my case.
各位陪审员
ladies and gentlemen of the jury
你们可以开始审议了
you may begin your deliberations.
法官大人我们已经做出了判决
your honor, we have reached a verdict.
我们判定被告有罪
we find the defendant... guilty.
Zapp Brannigan
本官宣判你将被剥夺上尉军衔
you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain
并从星际民♥主♥秩序联盟除名
and dismissed from the doop.
我希望能做出最后的结案陈词
i'd like to make one final statement.
Kif,过来举旗
Kif, come here and hold up the flag.
我的天，你就不能再摇摇吗
and wave it a little, for god's sakes.
亲爱的朋友们你们可以夺走一个男人的头衔和制♥服♥
my friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform
但是你们永远也不能夺走他的正直与荣耀
but you can never take away his integrity or his honor.
其次，这件事主要怪Kif
plus, it was mostly Kif's fault.
什么？
what?
Kif Kroker，你也被剥夺军衔
Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank
并开除军籍
and dishonorably discharged.
前一天这个人还拥有一切
one day a man has everything
第二天他就成了炸毁价值四千亿美元空间站的罪魁祸首
and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station
到了第三天他便失去了一切
and the next day he has nothing.
真是发人深省
it makes you think.
并没有
no, it doesn't.
来吧，Kif
come, Kif.
从今以后我们就是平民了
it's time to begin our life as civilians.
这是命令，士兵
that's an order, soldier.
注：此曲为Madeleine Peyroux的单曲《Everybody's Talkin' At Me》
♪每个人都在对我说话♪
♪everybody's talkin' at me♪
♪我听不到他们说的任何一句话♪
♪i don't hear a word they're saying♪
♪只有我内心的回声♪
♪only the echoes of my mind♪
♪人们停下来凝视♪
♪people stop and stare♪
♪我看不见他们的脸♪
♪i can't see their faces♪
♪只能看见他们眼中的影子♪
♪only the shadows of their eyes♪
♪我要到达阳光普照的地方...♪
♪i'm going where the sun keeps shining...♪
♪在穿过倾盆大雨后♪
♪through the pouring rain♪
嘿，Bender
hey, Bender?
咋了？
yeah?
啊天
whoa!
够了
all right...
这是我今天阻止的第三场水管大战
this is the third hose fight i've broken up today
也是第二次使用真的水管
and the second one using actual hoses.
现在，抬起你那懒惰的大屁♥股♥
now, move your lazy asses
开始擦船
and start scrubbing the ship
按我吩咐
like i ordered you to.
别生这么大的气，Leela
you don't have to get so mad, Leela.
没错,Fry已经用手指擦掉点灰了
yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.
Zapp?
Zapp?
Leela,我不知道还有什么地方可去
Leela, i didn't know where else to turn.
你是唯一一个爱过我的女人
you're the only woman who ever loved me.
我没爱过你
i never loved you.
我说肉体上的
i mean physically.
你想怎样？
what do you want?
让我在这儿干活换点吃的吧
just let me work for a little food.
我可以给栅栏刷刷漆
perhaps i could paint a fence
或者给你提供性服务，再不然拖拖地也行啊
or service you sexually or mop the floors.
你说的这些没一样是你会做的
you don't know how to do any of those things.
Kif说不定会
Kif might.
Leela,你那跟谁说话呢？
Leela, who are you talking to?
猛地关门
就是个跌入人生谷底的流浪汉
just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom
还有他的指挥官
and his commanding officer.
天哪，你就是那个丢人的船长
why, you're that disgraced starship captain.
雇了他或许能转移人们
having him on staff would distract people
对我们骇人的安全记录的注意
from our horrendous safety record.
进来吧
come in!
我向大家介绍一下新加入的员工
i'd like everyone to meet our new employees.
哪个是新来的？
uh... which ones are new?
那个绿皮
the green dude
还有那死胖子
and the fat man.
我发誓我从没见过那个机器人
hmm, i could swear i've never seen that robot before, either.
我是Bender
i'm Bender.
你知道的，讨人喜欢的无赖
you know, the lovable rascal.
啊是的是的，没错，我的好朋友
oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.
总之
anyway...
不管你们是谁我都有个好消息要宣布
whoever you all are, i have good news.
你们要去给Stumbos四号♥行星送个货
you'll be making a delivery to Stumbos four
那是一个重力值非常大的行星你们在那儿很有可能
a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed
会被自己的头发压得直不起腰
under the weight of your own hair.
旅途愉快！
enjoy!
好的，这个Leela
so, this Leela
货仓酒吧
我知道她是个性感惹火的女人
i know she's a very sensuous woman
但作为船长的她又是什么样子的呢
but what manner of captain is she?
她真的很严格
she's really strict.
而且很刻薄
and mean.
我懂了
i see.
她有没有找借口打过船员的屁♥股♥？
does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings?
没有，她只会让我们干各种活
no, she just makes us do work and stuff.
不错，不错
good, good.
但她要真的制定了
but should she ever institute
那些打屁♥股♥的惩罚
some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy
一定要让我来替你承受
let me go in your place.
我是不会让我的队友们受伤的
i won't have my comrades harmed.
嘿，这家伙真好
hey, this guy's all right.
敬我们这些苦命笨蛋
here's to us poor schmoes...
要为别人做牛做马
working for the man.
虽然那是个性感热辣的女人
even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.
我已经算好着陆点坐标了，船长
i've computed our landing coordinates, captain.
谢了, Kif
thanks, Kif.
干得不错
very nice work.
等等，你说什么
wait. what?
我说 “干得不错”
i said, "very nice work."
这是我一生中最快乐的一天
this is the happiest day of my life.
好全体成员听好了
okay, crew, listen up.
你们的任务就是把这40个枕头送到那家旅馆
your job is to deliverthese 40 pillows to that hotel.
这些不是很重嘛
they're not very heavy
但你还是会听到我的抱怨
but you don't hear me not complaining.
它们在这里面不重
they're not heavy in here
是因为我们有反重力泵
because we have an anti-grav pump
可你一旦走出去
but once you get out on the surface
地心引力就会非常强
the gravity will be very intense.
嘿问题不大
hey, no prob.
这条铅做的围裙可以保护我
this lead apron will protect me.
我不想见到你们任何人搞砸了
i don't want any screwups.
用悬浮小推车
use the hover dolly
一次只运一个枕头
and just deliver one pillow at a time.
嘿我有个主意
hey, here's an idea--
我们把这些枕头一次性运完吧
let's deliver all the pillows at once.
好啊。有点脑子
yeah. that's using the old noodle.
撑住，裤带
come on, girdle.
撑住
hold.
TM发生啥了？
what the hell happened?
出了点儿意外
some breaking occurred.
小推车被压坏了，我们就知道这些
the dolly was involved. that's about all we know.
我告诉过你们这些傻♥逼♥一次别运太多
i told you dumb apes not to overload it.
在这儿每个枕头能有150磅重
each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here.
好了，别发脾气了
all right, don't get your panties in a knot.
我们用备用小推车
we'll just use the backup dolly.