飞出个未来（1999）
Futurama
第二季
剧集 | 飞出个未来（1999） | 导航列表
飞出个未来（1999）
Futurama S02E02
Part 1
Feb. 14, 2026, 6:10 p.m.
马进前攻打尖头兵六号♥
horsie to pointy guy six.
将军
check.
将军
get 'im, boys!
好棋！
good move.
Brannigan东山再起
Brannigan,Begin Again
好消息，各位
good news, everyone.
我们有个
we have a mission
进星际和平崇高事业的伟大任务
to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace.
不去 还得看动画片呢
nope. watching cartoons.
不好意思
sorry.
什么任务？
what's the mission?
这是星际民♥主♥秩序联盟的快递
it's a delivery for the democratic order of planets.
那是什么东西？
doop? what's that?
就相当于你那个时代的联♥合♥国♥， Fry
it's similar to the united nations from your time, Fry.
就像《星际迷航》里的星际联盟
or like the federation from your star trekprogram.
今晚星际民♥主♥秩序联盟要举♥行♥新总部的剪彩仪式
tonight is the ribbon cutting for the doop's new headquarters.
那我们要送的什么？
what are we delivering?
是剪彩仪式必不可少的重要工具
something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed:
超大的剪子
the ceremonial oversized scissors.
我们会将包裹尽快送达的
we'll get them there as quickly as we can.
好吧 但不要自己拿去用
all right, but don't run with them.
民♥主♥秩序联盟新总部
中 立 区
这得有上百万外星人了吧
there's a million aliens.
我还没见过这么令人兴奋的大场面呢
i've never seen anything so mind-blowing.
那招待桌上还有松饼
ooh! a reception table with muffins!
女士们 先生们
ladies and gentlemen
欢迎来到宏伟的民♥主♥秩序联盟新总部
welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony
参加这场盛大的剪彩典礼
of the doop's magnificent new headquarters
这里是再合适不过的家了
a fitting home for an organization
对于一个促进宇宙和平的组织来说
that has fostered peace throughout the universe--
就连昆虫和太空蜥蜴也能和平共处
even between the insectoids and the space lizards.
那么，亚马逊星球是什么样子的呢？
so, what's it like on planet amazonia?
那儿有大老鼠
big rats there.
我用大棍子砸扁他
me crush with club.
太有趣了
that's so interesting.
不如我们拿杯咖啡 边喝边聊
maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.
放眼整个中立行星的轨道，我再也想不出还有哪里
i can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy
比这儿更适合做外交中心了
than here in orbit around the neutral planet.
在这个重大的场合，您的想法如何？
what are your thoughts on this momentous occasion
尊敬的中立者阁下
your neutralness?
无论如何我没什么特别的感觉
i have no strong feelings one way or the other.
我讨厌这些恶心的中立人士，Kif
i hate these filthy neutrals, Kif.
面对敌人你还能知道他们的立场是什么
with enemies, you know where they stand
但面对中立者，天知道他们怎么想的
but with neutrals, who knows?
真让我恶心
it sickens me.
站住！
halt!
啊， Leela
why, Leela
注：“met”谐音“mate”（交♥配♥）
想必我们之前已经见过了
i do believe we've... met.
他的意思是你们搞过了
he means you guys did it.
如果你不介意的话我们还要去
if you don't mind, we're here to deliver
剪彩用的剪刀
the scissors for the ribbon cutting.
那你们就得被逮捕了。 理由呢？
then you're under arrest. what for?
我怎么知道这剪刀不是中立者的阴谋呢？
how do i know these scissors ren't a part of some neutral plot?
但这剪刀根本就不锋利啊
but they're not even sharp.
拿着这个能伤到什么人？
who could i possibly hurt with them?
Nylar四号♥星的纺织人
the yarn people of Nylar four.
瞧 用剪刀刺杀外星人的计谋
so, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors
你们还真中立啊
how very neutral of you.
什么？
what?
这是个近乎完美的犯罪
that was almost the perfect crime
但有一件事你却忘了
but you forgot one thing:
剪刀硬不过石头
rock crushes scissors...
但布能包住石头
but paper covers rock
剪刀能破开布
and scissors cuts paper.
Kif, 我们遇上难题了
Kif, we have a conundrum.
找找他们身上有没有布，再给我拿块石头来
search them for paper... and bring me a rock.
为什么？
why?
多美丽啊
so beautiful
多中立啊
yet so neutral.
把他们押到船上去
drag them to the ship.
现在，开始剪彩仪式
and now, to cut the ribbon
有请星际民♥主♥秩序联盟的传奇船长
the legendary doop captain who just returned
他刚从伊甸七号♥行星地毯式轰炸中凯♥旋♥归来
from a triumphant carpet bombing of eden seven...
Zapp Brannigan！
注：这句的意思也可以是“什么让男人变成中性人”
到底是什么让人变得中立？
what makes a man turn neutral?
对金钱的渴望？
lust for gold?
对权力的欲求？还是生来便
power? or were you just born
有一颗中立之心？
with a heart full of neutrality?
长官
um, sir...
您现在应该在那剪彩
you're supposed to be cuttingthe ribbon right now.
没事，我可以直接在这儿剪彩
no matter-- i'll simply cut it from here
用飞船的激光
with the ship's laser.
长官，我觉得这样做有失妥当
sir, i don't think that's wise.
Kif,我最不需要的
Kif, if there's one thing i don't need
就是你这种“有失妥当”的态度
it's your "i don't think that's wise" attitude.
击 昏
致 死
击 昏
致 死
超 致 死
超 致 死
致 死
开火
完蛋了
whoopsie-daisy.
前星际民♥主♥秩序联盟总部
新泽西州-韦豪肯区
Zapp Brannigan
Zapp Brannigan
你被指控为炸毁星际民♥主♥秩序联盟总部的凶手
you stand accused of blowing up doop headquarters.
你要为自己辩护吗？
how do you plead?
当然，99%无罪
absolutely 99% not guilty.
那么检察官会传唤本庭的第一个证人
then the prosecutor will call his first witness.
法官大人
your honor...
我只是一只超大鸡
i'm just a simple hyper-chicken
来自偏远的小行星，如果法庭允许
from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court
我打算传唤整个陪审团
i reckon i'll call the entire jury.
本官准许
i'm going to allow this.
陪审员们
members of the jury
你们是不是碰巧抓到了一个
did y'all happen to catch a gander
炸了星际民♥主♥秩序联盟总部的傻♥逼♥？
at who blew up that there doop headquarters?
没错 就是那个家伙
that's the guy right there.
他就在那儿，对 就是他
right over there. yes, indeed.
你们是不是打算对他进行投票判决？
and are y'all going to vote to convict him?
当然
oh, yeah.
陪审团不得听取自己的证词
the jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony.
法官大人，控方问完了
your honor, the prosecution rests.
Zapp Brannigan一案证据充分
the evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong
但是，鉴于他多年的工作
however, in light of his years of service
以及这位土老帽检控官的无能
and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor
恐怕本官不得不撤销所有指控
i'm afraid i must dismiss all charges.
撤销所有指控？
dismiss all charges?
法官大人我知道本案已结
your honor, i know the case is closed
判决也已下达
and you've rendered your verdict
但我自愿为本案作证
but i want to testify.
本官准许
i'm going to allow this.
我来问问你，Leela女士，事发当天
now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question
你是不是穿了一件裙子？
were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?
这问的啥破问题，重点在于
that's a stupid question. what matters is
Zapp Brannigan是我见过的最烂的船长
Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain i've ever seen
我亲眼看到那个傻♥逼♥炸毁了总部
and i saw the idiot blow up doop headquarters with my own eye.
我想盘问这位证人
i'd like to cross-examine the witness.
本官准许
i'm going to allow this.
我们之前认识，对吗？
we've met before, have we not?
是
yes.
在那个时候你有没有和别人发生性关系？
and on that occasion, did you have sex with someone?
我必须提醒一下 你可是宣过誓的
飞出个未来（1999）
Futurama
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