飞出个未来（1999）

Futurama S02E03

Part 4 Feb. 14, 2026, 6:10 p.m.

注：Betty Friedan是20世纪女权运动最重要的领袖之一
hey, Betty Friedan,
把那乳液递给我
send a little of that lotion my way.
好了马上就好了
okay, almost got it.
稳住…
steady...
稳住…
steady...
不要慌
don't panic.
魔力触手
哦
uh-oh.
意念触发
蛤？怎么了
huh? what the--
你们这些冲动的反战分子胆子不小啊
you shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.
我只是来拿回属于我的东西
i'm just here for what's mine.
不要逼我踢你的脖子
don't make me kick your neck.
来啊，你个汤罐头
bring it on, soup can.
好了，你们俩别闹了
all right, break it up, you two.
你们完了
that's it!
你们会进监狱的
you're all going to jail
不要指望我会赦免你们
and don't expect meto grant a pardon
像那个娘娘腔的福特一样
注：福特总统赦免的正是尼克松本人
like that sissy Ford.
你永远不会赦免任何人
you'll never pardon anybody
因为你不可能被选为总统
because you'll never get elected president.
现在地球选民可没有你那个时代的选民那么笨
the voters of earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.
没有？听着，小姐
oh, no? well, listen here, missy.
现在计算机可能比1973年的快两倍
computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973
但是你们的普通选民还是一样的愚蠢迷糊
but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.
唯一改变的就是我
the only one who's changed is me.
面对现实吧，这么多年来我已经变得更加刻薄和疯狂了
i've become bitter and, let's face it--crazy over the years.
一旦我就职
and once i'm swept into office,
我就将孩子们的器官卖♥♥给动物园当肉吃
i'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat
我会半夜闯进人们的家然后毁掉它
and i'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.
很好，他失去了我的一票
well, he lost my vote.
一票根本无关紧要
like one vote ever made a difference.
现在恕我失陪
now, if you'll excuse me,
我现在把我自己挪到电♥话♥那边
i'm going to inch myself over to the phone
然后报♥警♥
and call the police.
先别急，尼克松
not so fast, Nixon!
你熟悉录音带吗？
are you familiar with... audio tape?
额，这势头可不妙
uh-oh, i don't like where this is heading.
“我会半夜闯进人们的家”
and i'll go into people's houses at night
“然后毁掉它”
and wreck up the place.
天啊，我的嗓音听起来像那样？
my god, i really sound like that?
我以为我的嗓音像Clark Gable
注：Clark Gable是《乱世佳人》的男主
i thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.
我们抓到你的把柄了，尼克松
the jig's up, Nixon.
我们用这个录音带换身体
we'll trade you the tape for the body.
哦，咽下脏话
oh, expletive deleted.
成交
you've got a deal.
嘿，我还有一个想法
hey, i've got one last thought.
能再变得完整真是好极了…
ah, it's good to be back in one piece again...
只可惜我不能把这些该死的标签弄下来
except i can't get these damn bumper stickers off.
弹劾他
救世主！
Nixon的头
这次戏剧性的选举
the sheer drama of this election
使投票率达到几世纪来的最高记录 --6%
has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent.
出口民调显示，邪恶的落后候选人理查德·尼克松
注：此处吐槽美国选举民调结果不靠谱
exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing
获得的选票大概为0
with an estimated zero votes.
耶！我们的制度起作用了
yes! the system works.
现在时间是7点59
the time is 7:59
机器人开始投票
and the robot polls are now opening...
机器人投票结束
and the robot vote is in.
尼克松胜选了！
Nixon has won!
滚出这城市！不！
get out of town!oh, no!ooh...
为什么机器人要投票给尼克松？
why would robots vote for Nixon
他现在只是一个在罐子里的脑袋
now that he's just a head in a jar?
尼克松选举总部
有请下一届地球总统！
i give you the next president of earth!
尼克松回来了！
Nixon's back!
难以置信，他以一票优势当选
i can't believe it. he won by a single vote.
这不是我的错
well, it ain't my fault.
我是个不能投票的罪犯，谢谢
i'm a non-voting felon, thank you.
也不是我的错，我都忘记投票了
well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause i forgot to vote.
哦，糟糕，我就觉得今天我有个什么事要做
oh, crud, i knewthere was something i meant to do today.
Morbo向我们巨大的赛博总统表示祝贺
Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.
希望他的对手早点去死
may death come quickly to his enemies.
现在是谁把谁打得屁滚尿流？
who's kicking who around now?
我敲，我敲
knock, knock.