飞出个未来（1999）

Futurama S02E10

Part 2 Feb. 14, 2026, 6:10 p.m.

blood is thicker than water.
“血...浓...水”
"blood... thicker... water."
实验室
小白鼠请通过迷宫
各位我有一个重大的消息要发表
everyone, i have a very dramatic announcement.
心脏不好的请现在就离开
so anyone with a weak heart should leave now.
再见
good-bye.
教授？
uh, Professor?
对了重大消息
oh, oh, yes, the announcement.
诚如你们所知我将不久于这个世界
as you all know, i am not long for this world.
是我们知道
yes, we do true dat.
一只脚已经在坟墓里了
duh!one foot in the grave.
所以我已经选好了我的继承者
so i've picked my successor.
他是一个我非常信任的人
it's someone in whom i have great faith
即使他的大脑未完全发育
even though his mind is undeveloped
即使他一事无成
and he's accomplished nothing.
我最亲近的在世的亲戚…
my closest living relative...
好耶
oh, yeah.
我的克隆人-Qbert Farnsworth
my clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.
他真可怕！
he's horrible!
我能至少拥有你的假牙吗？
crud. can i at least be in charge of your dentures?
你想得美
you wish.
Qbert从哪里来的？
where did Qbert come from?
12年前我移植我背部上较好的
12 years ago, i began the cloning process by removing some skin cells
一块皮肤的细胞开始进行克隆
from one of the shapelier growths on my back.
等等如果他是你的克隆人
wait. if he's your clone
为什么他的鼻子和你不像？
why doesn't his nose look like yours?
我把他放在第一个试管里太久了
i left him in his first tube too long,
他这边被挤着了
and he got squished up against the side.
他除了丑不会还是个哑巴吧？
is he dumb or just ugly?
让我们查证一下
let's find out.
咋了你们没有见过天才的小只因吗？
what, you've never seen a genius's wiener before?
在公园见过一次
well, once in the park.
既然这里我负责
as long as i'm going to be in charge here,
让我来检查一下这些所谓的船员
let me examine my so-called crew
如果能称之为船员的话
if it canso be called.
首先 Zoidberg博士
first of all, Dr. Zoidberg,
你有医学学位吗？
do you even have a medical degree?
我把它落在一个火山里了
i lost it...in a volcano.
为什么这里需要一个压弯机器人？
and why do we need a bending robot around here anyway?
我们拿你做什么用？
what possible use do we have for you?
我不会说英语
uh, me no speaka da english.
为什么我们的飞船飞行员只有一只眼？
and why does our space pilot have only one eye?
我想让你见一个人
there's someone i'd like you to meet.
他的名字是深度知觉
注：深度知觉（depth perception），指对物体的立体
或对不同物体的远近的知觉。视网膜只能接受两维空间的
刺♥激♥，对三维空间的反映主要依靠双眼视觉实现。
his name is depth perception.
什么你这个小♥逼♥崽…
why, you little...
哇！空气一定很疼
wow! that hurt...the air.
我要把这小♥逼♥崽子掰弯
him pending para un bending.
Qbert 到这里来
oh, Qbert, come in here.
我有好东西给你看
i have something amazing to show you.
是什么？一个有能力的雇员？
what is it, a competent employee?
我对此非常怀疑
i doubt that very much.
小王八蛋
little twerp.
吉娃娃！
ay, chihuahua!
Qbert 作为我的继任者
Qbert, as my successor
我相信你可以继续我的工作
i'm trusting you to carry on my work.
这里有一些未完成的发明
these are just some of the half-finished inventions
你要你用余生去完成它们
you'll spend your life finishing.
我以前不知道原来你是垃圾产品发明者
i didn't realize you were the inventor of the junk heap.
那是我获奖的嗅觉探测器
that's my prizewinning smell-a-scope.
如果一只狗在宇宙的任何一个地方拉屎
if a dog craps anywhere in the universe
都逃不过我的鼻子
you can bet i won't be out of the loop.
这是我的宇宙翻译器
and this is my universal translator.
很不幸现在它只能翻译成
unfortunately, so far, it only translates
听不懂的消亡语言
into an incomprehensible dead language.
哈喽
hello.
你好
bonjour.
胡言乱语
crazy gibberish.
你难道没有一些有价值的发明吗？
don't you have any worthwhile inventions?
当然有过来
why, certainly. step over here.
这是我发明的黑暗物质引擎
these are the dark-matter engines i invented.
它可以让我的宇宙飞船在星际穿行
they allow my starship to travel between galaxies
只需几小时的时间
in mere hours.
不可能
that's impossible.
你不可能跑的比光快
you can't go faster than the speed of light.
当然不能
of course not.
这就是为什么科学家在2208年提高了光速
that's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
这也不太可能
also impossible.
我的引擎最值得称道的是它的加力燃烧器
and what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner
可以让燃料效率达到200%
which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.
这听起来格外不靠谱
oh, that's especially impossible.
不是这其实很简单
not at all. it's very simple.
那就解释给我听
then explain it.
这才是不可能的
now, that'simpossible.
我是在梦中获得的灵感
it came to me in a dream,
然后我在另一个梦中忘了
and i forgot it in another dream.
你的解释是武器级别的不靠谱
your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.
这些都是不可能的
it's all impossible.
如果你有想象力那么没有什么是不可能的
nothing is impossible. not if you can imagine it.
这就是一个科学家的全部意义
that's what being a scientist is all about.
不这是一个魔法精灵的全部意义
no, that's what being a magical elf is all about.
天啊！上帝啊！
oh, my god!
天啊！上帝啊！
oh, my god!
是Elzar 电视主厨！
it's Elzar, the tv chef!
杀了我吧
oh, kill me now, people.
食物怎么样？
how we doin' here?
噢 Elzar
oh, Elzar.
所有的一切都很好
everything's so good.
你是谁一个拍马屁机器？
what are you, an ass-kissing machine?
很好先生很好笑
yes, sir-- good one, sir.
这是夜晚的宝石
oh, it's a gem of an evening.
我很高兴能有一个人
i feel so wonderful
来继承我的事业
having someone to take over my life's work,
这一切都要感谢Qbert
and it's all thanks to Qbert.
看教授
look, Professor,
我似乎在每个地方都和你一模一样
i may be identical to you in every possible way,
但这并不意味着我和你很像
but that doesn't mean i'm anything like you.
是…什么不一样？
yeah, well... whuh?
我不想成为一个发明家
i don't want to be an inventor.
我想成为更有用的人
i want to be something useful
比如助教狱警
like a teacher's aide or a prison guard
或者科幻卡♥通♥编剧
or a science fiction cartoon writer.
但..但是我的希望我的梦想
but-but what about my hopes and my dreams
还有我那些完美的发明怎么办？
and my wonderful inventions?
在你的一生
in your entire life,
你唯一说的过去的发明就是我
your only half-decent invention was me,
而且我和你期望的也不一样
and i didn't turn out like you wanted either.
你们大家吃得还开心吗？
you folks still doing all right?
是的 Elzar
oh, yes, Elzar.
很好因为我忘记煮那只鸡了
good. 'cause it turns out i forgot to cook that chicken.
各位坏消息
bad news, everyone.
当你看到这段影像时我已经走了
by the time you watch this tape, i'll be gone,
除了一个失败的人生和原装的胯骨我什么也没留下
leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones.
我在年龄上面撒谎了
you see, i've been lying about my age.
我其实不是150岁
i'm not actually 150.
我160岁
i'm 160.
噢虚荣你的名字是Farnsworth教授
oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.
现在没有什么值得我留恋了
and now that i have nothing to live for,
我已经告知了夕阳搜捕队的机器人来带走我
i've alerted the sunset squad robots to take me away.
致我的
船员们