飞出个未来（1999）

Futurama S02E02

Part 3 Feb. 14, 2026, 6:10 p.m.

我现在就开始装枕头
i'll start loading up the pillows.
注：“jack”也有千斤顶的意思
没门，男士们
no way, jack.
你们违反了我的命令
you disobeyed an order
所以现在你只能徒手把40个枕头送达目的地
so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand.
问你个严肃的问题, Leela
let me ask you a serious question, Leela.
你胸罩的生产商也生产裤带吗？
does the company that made your bra
别误会
make a girdle as well?
我这么问是因为我有朋友...
i ask because a friend of mine...
给我滚去干活儿
just get to work.
“我是Leela，给我滚去干活儿”
"i'm Leela. get to work. na, na, na."
简直Leela本人
i agree.
关键是为那个工作真是太丢脸了
the point is it's just so humiliating working for that man.
有一次，他在浴盆里泡澡时
once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits
居然让我给他刮腋毛
while he was in the bathtub.
然后我就对他说...
so i said to him...
额，我们不如谈谈
you know, why don't we talk
Zapp以外的事吧？
about something besides Zapp for a while?
哦，好的
oh, all right.
那么，聊聊...额...好吧
well, how about them, um... okay.
哦对，他那会儿不是在浴缸里呢嘛
well, there he was in the tub, all right?
啊...多好的高重力雨啊
ah... some good, old high-gravity rain.
正好给我们降降温
that'll cool us off.
都是Leela的错
this is all Leela's fault.
没错
yeah.
她要是肯让我们用备用推车
if she had let us use the backup dolly
现在我们早就把它弄坏了
we could have broken it
然后就能放弃这单直接打道回府了
given up, and gone home by now.
你们知道，孩子们
you know, boys
一个好的船长需要具备很多品质
a good captain needs many skills
比如果敢、无畏，还有一套柔软的天鹅绒制♥服♥
such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform
我很肯定，这些东西Leela一样都没有
and i'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.
Leela没那么糟
ah, Leela's not that bad.
我只是希望她别让我们干这么多活
i just wish she didn't make us work so much.
想想我曾经当船长的时候
back when i was captain
我只要求我的手下完全忠诚于我
all i asked from my men wastheir complete loyalty.
如果他们能做到这一点，那他们就能
if i had that, then for all i cared
坐上一整天，喝啤酒，
they could sit around the whole day drinking beer
只需要穿着内♥裤♥
in their underpants.
啤酒？
beer?
内♥裤♥？
underpants?
现在，Zapp已不再是船长
but now, Zapp's not captain anymore.
我终于解放了
i'm free!
你听到了吗？
oh, you hear that?
宝宝开心死了
i'm actually laughing.
我们哗变了
this is a mutiny!
你下台了，女士
you're out of here, lady.
现在Zapp是新的船长
Zapp's the new captain.
全体船员向新船长致敬
all hail the new captain.
Leela，你可能是干这些烂差事的人里，最能干的
Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty
但我不得不解除你的职务
but i am forced to relieve you of your post.
凭什么？你这个哈喇子直流的白♥痴♥
on what grounds, you slobbering oaf?
因为你没能预防船员哗变
failure to prevent a mutiny.
把她关进监狱里
throw her in the brig.
船上没有监狱
we don't have a brig.
那就把她扔进洗衣房♥
then throw her in the laundry room
从现在开始那里就是监狱了
which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.
你们真的不想再让我当船长了吗
you really don't want me to be captain anymore?
没错
you got it, genius.
是我做得不好吗？
but didn't i do a good job?
你为人刻薄还总对我们大声嚷嚷
you were mean, and you yelled
让我们做这做那的
and you made us do all that work.
有时候，这是船长必须做的
sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.
还有，我原来一直以为我们是朋友
besides, i thought we were friends.
额，好吧
yeah, well
那你就不应该那么刻薄
you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then.
别担心，Leela
don't worry, Leela.
不久以后，我们就能回笑着回忆这件事了
soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.
我又穿上我的旧制♥服♥了
back in my old uniform.
还是那么合身
and it nearly still fits
即便是在吃了那么多让人发胖的流浪汉美食以后
even after all that fattening hobo cuisine.
长官，我该怎么处理您的便装呢？
what shall i do with your civilian clothes, sir?
把它们扔到洗衣牢里
take them to the laundry brig.
好了伙计们，你们现在对我完全忠诚了吗？
so, do i have your loyalty, men?
直到宇宙的尽头
to the ends of the universe.
1000%的
ten hundred percent.
这还不够
that's not nearly loyal enough.
我现在命令你们坐下喝酒
i order you to sit around and drink beer
喝到像Kif一样忠诚为止
until you're as loyal as Kif here.
好的，长官，遵命
yes, sir, sir.
我也能来点啤酒吗，长官？
um, may i have a beer, sir?
不行，你的忠诚度已经足够高了
no, you're loyal enough already.
另外，我有个计划
meanwhile, i have a plan.
我们要单枪匹马杀进
we will single-handedly attack
头号♥大敌的老窝--中立星球
our archenemy, the neutral planet.
哦，我的天天
oh, geez.
只要这些中立的战争机器全变成废墟
once the neutral war machine lies in ruins
我就能重新做回英雄了
i'll be a hero again
星际民♥主♥秩序联盟也会恢复我的上尉军衔
and the doop will reinstate me as captain.
但是，长官，这个计划毫无意义可言
but, sir, that plan makes no sense.
对你来说或许是吧, Kif
maybe not to you, Kif.
但是如果我记得没错
but if i recall correctly
你曾可耻地被军事法庭审判过
you were court-martialed in disgrace.
戳到你痛处了！
ooh, burn!
扎心了吧，老铁！
nailed you, buddy.
准备好继续来一场
prepare to continue
正义与中立的史诗大战吧
the epic struggle between good and neutral.
这真了不起
this is awesome.
我们就要去，这样“砰，砰，砰”
we're going to be, like, "pow, pow, pow!"
而他们会像这样
and they're going to be like,
之后，我们就会吃着薄饼庆祝
and then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate
就像这样
and i'll be, like...
没错
precisely.
现在，以一切美好和光荣事物的名义
now, in the name of all that is good and honorable
给中立星球的总统发一份和平宣言，然后炸死他们
we'll call the neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.
是，长官，长官，长官，长官，长官
yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir!
升起战争的白旗
fly the white flag of war.
这里是Zapp Brannigan
this is Zapp Brannigan
不自♥由♥毋宁死
中立国会大厦
中立政♥治♥
我是这艘好船，不，星际快船的船长
of the good ship...planet expressship.
我带着和平的橄榄枝前来
i come swinging the olive branch of peace.
我们应该相信他吗，中立大人？
should we trust him, your neutralness?
我的直觉告诉我“或许吧”
all i know is, my gut says, "maybe."
现在做什么，头儿？
what now, chief?
现在，开船向他们的总部撞去
now, we crash the ship into their headquarters
在地狱的风暴中杀他个片甲不留
killing them in a hellish firestorm
没有任何活着的东西能逃出来
from which no living thing can escape.
很好，很好，那之后呢？
good, good. then what?
之后，你们的任务就完成了
then your mission is complete.
与此同时，我会被弹射到安全地带
i, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety
穿着仅有的太空防护服
wearing the only space suit on board.
等下，这个计划是要让我们送命吗？
wait a second. is this plan going to kill us?
那不然呢
of course.
你觉得我说的忠诚是啥意思啊？
what do you think i meant by loyalty?
现在，伺候我穿上唯一的太空服
now, help me into the only space suit.
它里面看着有点汗涔涔的
it looks a bit sweaty in there
可能得往里抹点婴儿爽身粉
so you may need to apply baby powder.
Leela,我们想让你当回船长
Leela, we want you to be captain again.
让我猜猜啊
let me guess:
他取消了休息时间？
he canceled nap time?