绝望的主妇

Desperate Housewives S05E21

Part 1 May 22, 2024, 10:09 p.m.

《绝望的主妇》前情提要
Previously on...
我看不到我们的未来难道我们
Does this relationship have a future? Can't we just keep
不能像现在这样吗杰克逊离开了
going the way we are? Jackson left.
奥森又对我撒谎了布里作出了决定
Orson's lying to me again. Bree made a decision.
我想我得和他离婚卡尔出现了
So I think I have to divorce him. Karl signed up.
卡尔你在这里做什么
Karl, what are you doing here?
我来给伊万报名
Well, I just enrolled Evan.
苏珊承认了过错麦克和我遇到了交通事故
Wow. And Susan confessed. Mike and I got in a car accident.
是麦克开的车对吧我们是这样对外界说的
Mike was driving, right? That's what we said,
但不是真的他做了替罪羊
but it wasn't true. He took the blame for me.
在这条街上
On this street,
议价始于清晨
the bargaining begins at sunrise...
老人♥大♥方付报童小费
An old woman offers a paperboy a generous tip
条件是他要将报纸扔进她的门廊
if he'll throw the paper onto her porch...
妻子告诉丈夫她会为他准备可口的晚饭
A wife tells her husband she'll make his favorite dinner
前提是他送她玫瑰
if he'll bring home roses...
一个男人告诉他的邻居除非她管理好草坪
A man tells his neighbor he'll take in his garbage cans
他才会好好收拾他的垃圾桶
the day she finally mows her lawn.
是的在紫藤郡
Yes, on Wisteria Lane,
人人都知道如何讨价还价
everyone knows how to bargain...
每一个人
Absolutely everyone.
我不想吃麦片粥我能吃煎饼吗?
I don't want oatmeal. Can I have pancakes?
伙计凯瑟琳不接受点菜
Katherine's not a short order cook, buddy.
早餐她做麦片粥我们就吃麦片粥
If she made oatmeal for breakfast, we're having oatmeal.
M.J. 如果你吃掉一半
I tell you what, M.J. If you finish just half of it,
我会在你的外宿聚会上做蜜饯苹果
I will make candied apples for your sleepover.
我喜欢蜜饯苹果她放了你一马你该感谢她
I love candy apples. She's letting you off easy. You should thank her.
凯瑟琳谢谢你
Thank you, Katherine.
小不点不用谢
You are so welcome, you sweet thing.
爸爸你会娶凯瑟琳吗?
Dad, are you gonna marry Katherine?
这个问题...
Um... That's, um...
我不知道
I don't know.
为什么
Why not?
嗯因为我们还没有谈到结婚
Oh, well, oh, because we haven't talked about marriage.
为什么
Why not?
M.J. 你太没有礼貌了
M.j., you're being rude.
哦没有冒犯我
Oh, I'm not offended.
你愿意娶凯瑟琳吗?
Don't you wanna marry Katherine?
我很爱她
Well... I love her.
她的确很棒
She's absolutely fantastic.
那为什么你不娶她呢
So why don't you marry her?
帮我一把吧
Can you help me out here?
你在开玩笑吧
Are you kidding?
伙计谈到结婚
Buddy, um, when it comes to marriage,
事实上
the truth is...
哦看看时间我快迟到了
Wow. Would you look at the time? I'm late for work.
我们以后再谈
We're gonna have to talk about this later.
胆小鬼对我就是
Coward. You got that right.
我做的怎么样很棒
How'd I do? You were great.
但他并没有回答我没关系迟早会的
But he didn't answer me. Doesn't matter. Issue's on the table.
在这条街上
Yes, on this street,
谈判在日出便开始了
the negotiating begins at sunrise,
而且它不会结束
and it doesn't end...
这是我承诺的冰淇淋
Here's the ice cream I promised you.
除非人们得到了他们想要的
Until someone gets exactly what they want.
沃尔特·卑尔根是一名离婚律师
Walter Bergen was a divorce lawyer,
女人们付钱给他总会向他数落
and the women who hired him always had something to say
那些和她们离婚的男人们的缺点
about the men they were divorcing.
他总爱提起他的外婆
He's always talking to his grandmother,
她都死了6年了
who died six years ago.
他把钱全花在妓♥女♥上
He spends all his money on hookers,
哦说不定是男妓
who may or may not be women.
他说他需要为孩子们花更多的钱
He says he needs more money for the children,
他说的孩子
and by "children,"
其实是赛马
I mean racehorses.
沃尔特·卑尔根认为他已经身经百战
Yes, Walter Bergen thought he had heard it all
直到一天他的一位客户说
until the day when one of his clients actually said...
我的丈夫是位绅士我希望他能得到一些好处
My husband is a decent man, and I want to do right by him.
我的客户很少有像你这样的
Hmm. Women who seek my services rarely take that attitude.
我认为自己是一个好人
Well, I like to think of myself as a good person.
你的确是
I'm sure you are.
我不会担心你的丈夫
And I wouldn't worry about your husband.
他将会得到宴会承包公♥司♥收入中
The income he'll derive
一半的财产也就是
from his half of the catering business alone should...
等等我并不打算给他一半
Wait. I'm not planning on giving him half.
这是我的事业
It's my business.
但这是你婚后的事业
Which you started after you were married.
他理应得到一半
That entitles him to half.
当我说他是一名绅士
I-I may have overstated things
或许我言过其实了
when I described my husband as a decent man.
其实他有不少的心理疾病
He actually has a wide variety of psychological problems.
霍吉太太这是法律你指望我说什么呢
Mrs. Hodge, it's state law. What do you want me to say?
你一小时收300美金
I want you to say that for $300 an hour,
应该懂得钻法律的空子使些诡计
you have some lawyer tricks up your sleeve
来帮我保住我的事业吧
to help me protect my business.
你确定不是叫我去犯罪?
Surely you're not asking me to do something criminal?
霍吉太太你刚刚不是说
Mrs. Hodge, didn't you say
你自认为自己是一个好人吗
you like to think of yourself as a good person?
当然但我更认为自己
Well, clearly, I like to think of myself
是一个有钱人
as a rich person even more.
哦满堂红
Oh! Full house.
布里高分加布低分本局两位平分
Bree takes the high. Gaby gets the low. Split the pot.
我讨厌平分
Oh, I hate splitting the pot.
的确这是规则你也没办法
Well, that's the rule. There's nothing you can do about it.
所以不要抱怨了你怎么能对我这么跟我说话
So stop bitching. Well, you can't talk to me like that.
我可是美景镇年度最佳拉美商人的老婆
I am the wife of Fairview's latino businessman of the year.
他最后赢了是吗
Hey! So he finally won?
是啊他们将举办一个大型宴会
Yeah. There's gonna be a huge dinner,
我们会和市长夫妇合影
and we're taking a picture with the mayor and his wife.
不太可能我听说他们在办离婚
Oh, not necessarily. I hear they're getting divorced,
会很难看的真的吗你怎么知道的
and it's gonna get ugly. Really? How do you know?
她太太雇了
The wife hired
镇上最卑鄙最没有职业道德的婚姻律师
the sleaziest, most unethical divorce lawyer in town.
是谁?
Oh. Who... who's that?
我的前任
My ex-husband.
哦对了卡尔是离婚律师
Oh, right. Karl's a divorce lawyer.
还是个敲诈狂
Yeah, and a total shark.
我们离婚最失败的就是
The worst thing about our divorce
我不能雇他帮我辩护
was that I couldn't hire him to represent me.
我以为你们离婚前就已经平分所有的东西和卡尔当然不只是这样
But I thought you just split everything done the middle. Oh, not with Karl.
当时他找遍了所有的漏洞和隐形资产
By the time he's done finding loopholes and hiding assets,
确定的确是没有什么可以分的了
there's nothing left to split.
不会吧
You don't say.
女士们
Hey, ladies.
嗯勒奈特
Uh, Lynette, ahem.
已经不早了
It's getting kinda late.
汤姆你在赶我们走吗? 不不只是在提醒勒奈特
Are you kicking us out, Tom? Uh, no. No, just reminding Lynette
还有十分钟就到半夜了
that it's, uh, ten minutes till midnight,
也是说还有十分钟就是明天了
which means ten minutes till tomorrow.
我知道了我很快就上去
I got it. I'll be right up.
你们在说什么
What was that about?
汤姆和我在看一本书书中提议
Tom and I are reading this book that suggests
夫妻制定一月里每晚都做♥爱♥的协定
couples make a pact to have sex every night for a month.
我猜猜是男人写的吧? 一个叫卡洛斯·索利斯的家伙
Let me guess. Written by a guy? Was his name Carlos Solis?
我们之间出现了不少问题
We've been having some problems,
这个理论能创造亲密感拉近夫妻距离
so the theory is it creates intimacy and brings you closer.
有用吗
Is it working?
我想还行
I've gotta say it is.
你们会更加和谐
You become more attuned to each other's needs
会更敏感于勒奈特
and more sensitive to... Lynette!