绝望的主妇

Desperate Housewives S05E05

Part 5 May 22, 2024, 10:08 p.m.

这是我给凯伦的礼物
It's my gift to Karen.
我想她至少能讲出五段黄色笑话
I figure she'll get at least five good boob jokes out of it.
她马上就到了
Well, she'll be here soon,
我们再复习一次
so let's go over this one more time.
我先把她带回家
Okay. I take her home,
之后把她骗到苏珊家
then I come up with some excuse to get her over to Susan's,
然后大家跳出来一起喊 "惊喜"
where everyone jumps out and yells, "surprise!"
当然我认为对于一位70岁的人来说
Which I still say isn't the smartest thing to do
这样并不明智
to a 70-year-old.
麦克卢斯基女士
Mrs. McCluskey.
生日快乐
Happy birthday.
伊迪我们是去喝一杯还是给乳♥房♥♥照X光
Jeez, Edie, are we going for drinks or mammograms?
这是第一个笑话
That's one.
让我带好耳环然后就出发
Oh, let me grab my earrings, and we're good to go.
嗯
So...
70岁
70.
里程碑式的日子
It's quite a milestone.
感觉如何
How's it feel?
没什么大不了
No big whoop.
伊迪告诉我
Edie told me that she takes you
她每年都带你去喝寿星酒
out for a birthday drink every year.
我认为这习惯很好
I think that's a great tradition.
听着我只是想做朋友
Look, I'm just trying to be friends here.
好吧
All righty then.
回见
I'll see you later. Mm-hmm.
走吧
Come on. Let's go.
我朋友够多了
I've got enough friends.
凯伦在哪里呢
Oh. Where's Karen?
给她的猫喂完药之后她马上就会来
She'll be here as soon as she gives her cat some medicine. Mm.
你认为她会大吃一惊吗
Mm. Do I you think she'll be surprised?
当然
Oh, absolutely.
怎么回事
What the...
大卫
Dave.
我确认一下
Just so I'm clear,
你想把我们兴旺的店铺卖♥♥掉
you want us to sell our thriving business
让全家住在像嘉年华一样的车里
so we can live in a bus, like carnies?
拜托这很酷啊我们想去哪都行
Come on. This is cool. We can go wherever we want.
孩子们可以看看祖国大好河山
The... the kids could see america.
当我们不得不以偷窃为生时
And when we start stealing to support ourselves,
孩子们就可以看看监狱是什么样了
the kids can see the inside of a prison.
汤姆没错这是好主意
You're right, Tom. It's a brilliant idea.
勒奈特你为何一定要让人扫兴
Damn it, Lynette. Why do you have to be such a buzz kill?
你就不能给我点支持吗哪怕就一次
Why can't you, just once, give me a little support?
好吧我去给你拿条毛巾
Fine. I'll get you a towel.
要毛巾干嘛
For what?
布里你不能解雇我
Bree, you can't fire me,
我为你牺牲了这么多
not after all the sacrifices I made for you.
奥森别给我添乱了
Orson, stop throwing jail in my face.
你的狱友是不诚实的会计师
You cellmate was a crooked c.P.A.
他帮你建了桥牌俱乐部这可不是在阿提卡
Who helped you form a bridge club. It wasn't exactly attica.
布里我需要这份工作
Bree, I need this job.
你知道那种每天早上起来
Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up every morning
无所事事的感觉吗
and have no reason to get out of bed?
和每一个邻居微笑点头
To smile and nod at neighbors
他们都知道没人愿意雇佣重刑犯
who know your wife's supporting you
所以你的妻子在养着你
because no one will hire a felon?
我快要淹死了而你给了我一根救命绳
I am drowning, and for you to throw me a lifeline
之后却又抽走奥森我一开始就不该给你这份工作
and then snatch it away... Orson, I should have never offered you that job.
这对凯瑟琳不公平我才是你的丈夫
It wasn't fair to Katherine. I am your husband.
为什么你更在意她的感受
Why are you putting Katherine's feelings ahead of mine?
奥森拜托别让我难做人
Orson, please. You're putting me in an impossible position.
那让我帮你解决吧
Then let me make it simpler for you.
我要离婚
I want a divorce.
凯瑟琳裙子真漂亮
Hi. Katherine, great dress.
会迷倒不少人哦
You're gonna turn some heads with that one.
我希望你很喜欢这派对卡洛斯
I hope you're enjoying this party, Carlos,
因为你马上就要死了
because you're not gonna live to see another one.
对不起我撒了谎不管怎么说
Look, I'm sorry that I lied, and for what it's worth,
我一直内疚地要死
the guilt has been tearing me apart.
你知道什么会让我感到痛苦
You know what's gonna tear me apart?
又一个10磅的宝贝让我发飙
Another 10-pound baby shooting out my hoo-ha.
亲爱的这么想
Honey, look at it this way,
因为你是如此伟大的母亲所以上帝再次保佑我们
god blessed us again because you are such a great mom.
把手拿开你这个自私的王八蛋
Oh. Get your hands off me, you selfish son of a bitch.
我告诉过你我爱你
I told you I love you.
这对你没有意义吗
Doesn't that mean anything to you?
有意义意味着某人忘记
Yes. It means that someone forgot
我们说好不会认真的
that we had an agreement to keep things casual.
好吧
Wow. Okay.
那我们不是在谈恋爱
So if we're not in a relationship,
如果我跟别的女人好上了你就不会担心吗
if I was with another woman, that wouldn't bother you?
不会
No, it wouldn't.
大伙安静点
Mm. Quiet, everyone.
她来了快过来
She's coming. Move it.
惊喜
Surprise!
你别和我耍花招
You think you can screw with me?
什么意思
What do you mean?
凯伦你到底在做什么
Aah! Karen, what the hell are you doing?
问你的丈夫不要
Ask that husband of yours! No!
这男人今晚进了我家
Let's not be doing that. No, that man broke into my house tonight!
什么是的他把我的东西都换了位置
What? Yes, and he... and he moved things around,
他还取下一张墙上的照片
and he... and he took a picture off the wall,
把桌子移到沙发旁
and then he put the table next to the couch,
还动了放钥匙的盘子本来是...
and the dish for the keys... it's always by the... Shh.
本来是放在门边的
It's always by the door.
这也不是他第一次破门而入了
And that's not the first time he's broken in either.
他偷了我的猫又把它放回来
He stole my cat, and then he put him back.
麦克卢斯基夫人我为什么要这么做呢
Okay, Mrs. McCluskey, why would I do those things?
凯伦我不想这么说
Karen, I hate to say it,
你现在简直不知所云了
but you're not making a lot of sense right now.
或许你该躺下休息一会儿
Maybe you need to lie down.
你这个喂
You... Hey!
我觉得我们该报♥警♥了
I think we should call 9-1-1.
放开我
Let go of me!
为什么你们觉得我疯了
Why are you all acting like I'm crazy?
哈雷路亚我月经来了
Whoo! Halle-damn-lujah, I got my period!
她也很吃惊吗
Oh, was she surprised?
她完全失去正常意识了胡说一通
She seemed totally disoriented, babbling.
希望这不是老年痴呆
I just hope it isn't dementia.
她独自一人居住
She lives by herself.
我们会告诉医院的
We'll alert the hospital.
她需要进行精神评估谢谢了
We're gonna need a psych evaluation. Thank you. Thank you.
可怜的凯伦希望她没事
Poor Karen. I hope she's okay.
是的我也是
Yeah, me, too.
我们现在是否该好好谈谈
We should probably talk now, huh?
是的谈谈吧
Yeah. Let's talk.
我们究竟会不会有未来
Does this relationship have a future?
杰克逊我们现在不是挺好的么
Jackson, what we have here has been working pretty well.
回答我的问题
Answer the question.
我们能不能就保持现状
Can't we just keep going the way we are?
看来这就是答案了
And there's my answer.
他们应该会好好照顾她的
It seems like they're taking good care of her.
我希望你刚才不是有意那么说的
I hope you didn't mean what you said earlier.
你不明白我欠凯瑟琳究竟有多少
You just don't understand what I owe to Katherine.
是的我是不清楚
You're right. I don't.
当年她情况糟糕需要工作
You started the company
是你开办了公♥司♥ 还给了她工作
and gave her a job when she needed one badly.
为什么是你欠了她
Why are you the one who owes her?
你还记得吗
You know that...
你去监狱前我和你吃的那顿早中饭
Brunch we had for you right before you left for prison?