少男奶爸（2012）

Baby Daddy S03E12

Part 3 Nov. 30, 2020, 2:34 p.m.

God, it's so crazy to think
天啊想到在世界某处
that I have a cousin out there somewhere
我有个跟自己差不多一样大的表妹
who's almost exactly the same age as me.
真是超让人兴奋
I mean, how weird would it be if I actually knew her?
如果我还认识她的话那简直太诡异了
Very.
超级诡异
Oh, Riley,
莱丽
you've got a little stain on your blouse.
你的上衣蹭脏了
Oh, where? Right there.
在哪儿就这儿
Sorry, I'll be right back.
抱歉我马上回来
So, Margot, how you been?
玛戈特你最近怎么样
Haven't seen you in a couple--
好久没见你...
I know the truth about you and Riley.
我知道你跟莱丽真正的关系
Oh, I don't suppose you're talking about
你不会是在说
that time we got arrested at a Van Halen concert?
我们在范·海伦演唱会上被逮捕的那次吧
My bad. I totally made her hold my backpack.
那都是我的错都怪我让她背着我的包
No, that she's your daughter.
不我在说她是你的女儿
And that's what I was afraid of.
哪壶不开提哪壶
How did you figure it out?
你是怎么知道的
It wasn't that hard.
不是什么难事
I just put two and two together.
根据事实推测出来的
I thought you were the slow one.
还以为两个人里你比较笨呢
You have to tell her. She deserves to know.
你得告诉她她应该知道
Actually, I don't. It's not my place to tell her.
我不会说的告诉她的人不应该是我
It's her mom's,
应该由她妈妈说
my sister, the woman who raised her.
我的姐姐那个养育她的人
I promised I would never tell,
我向她保证过永远不会说
and now you have to promise, too.
现在你也得向我保证
Can you do that?
你能保证吗
You know, between this and the clown thing,
这件事再加上让我扮小丑
you people are really asking a lot.
你们这帮人要求真多
Wait-- I'm the slow one?
等下你说我比较笨吗
We're closed.
我们打烊了
And I already got the 9 and the 1 pushed on my phone.
而且我已经在电♥话♥上摁好报♥警♥电♥话♥了
Hey, it's me again.
我又来了
I think we need to talk.
我们得谈谈
Seriously?
你认真的吗
How many times I gotta throw you out of here?
我得把你赶出去多少次你才能吃教训
Like a cockroach.
像小强一样
Daddy, please. I can handle him.
爸爸别这样我能搞定他
Handling him is why you are here in the first place.
你就是因为搞他才沦落到今天这步的
Fine.
好吧
I'm going to give you two minutes.
我给你两分钟
Then I'm going to call the cops.
然后我就会报♥警♥
Also known as my cousin Tony.
那警♥察♥就是我的表弟托尼
Ben, what are you doing here?
本你来干什么
You're going to get me in trouble.
你会给我惹来麻烦的
I think we've pretty much established
我想事实证明
that I've already done that.
我已经惹来麻烦了
Now is really not a good time to talk.
现在不是个谈话的好时候
What about the last seven years? Busy?
那之前七年里呢都太忙吗
You want to have your kid's birthday party here? Fine.
你想在这办你孩子的生日派对没问题
My dad won't even be here tomorrow.
明天我爸爸根本不在这
Honestly, that's not really why I'm here.
说实话我来不是为了这事
Although I will take the 2:00 to 4:00 slot.
不过明天两点到四点的时间归我了
One minute!
还剩一分钟
And I already got the 9 and the 1 pushed on my phone.
而且我已经在电♥话♥上摁好报♥警♥电♥话♥了
Ben, we were fine without you.
本你不在我们过得很好
We'll be fine when you leave.
你走了我们还会过得很好
Seriously, you gotta get out.
说真的你赶快出去吧
If only you'd told me that seven years ago.
你七年前这么对我说就好了
That's a good idea.
这是个好主意
Numbering your kids.
给你的孩子编号♥
Mom, what am I gonna do?
妈妈我该怎么办
Jenny won't even talk to me about it.
珍妮都不愿意跟我提起这事
Well, let's just make sure that we give Emma
那我们就一心一意给艾玛一个
a memorable first birthday, all right?
难忘的一周岁生日好不好
And then, we will welcome little Ben
然后我们再邀请小小本来参加
into this freak show we insist on calling a family.
这个我们坚称为家庭的畸形秀
Why do women keep having babies
为什么女人怀了我的孩子
and not telling me about them?
却都不告诉我一声
It's starting to hurt my feelings.
太伤自尊了
All right.
咋样
Where do you want Tuck-Tuck the Clown?
你想如何差遣小丑塔克塔克
TuckTuck? I know.
塔克塔克可不是
Can you believe "Tuckles" was already taken?
你能相信"痒痒塔克"已经被抢注了吗
Can I interest you in either a snake
请问您是想要一条蛇
or a hot dog?
还是热狗
Oh, in a minute. I got a little unfinished business.
等会再说我还得去说点事
Really?
不是吧
You couldn't have told me you changed your mind
你就不能早点告诉我你改主意了
before I got on the subway like this?
我可穿着这一身坐地铁来的
I realized I had to do it for Emma.
我觉得我必须为艾玛做点什么
Do you know how long it takes
你知不知道
to explain to a transit cop
向乘警解释
why you've got a rubber chicken in your pants?
你裤子里揣只橡皮鸡有多费口舌
Actually... I do.
其实我还真有
Oh, hey, Riley.
来啦莱丽
Hey! Oh, nice timing.
你好真会掐时间
Does somebody send you an alert
是不是专门有人给你报信
when fresh cake arrives?
告诉你哪里有新蛋糕出炉
Oh, my God. How great would that be?
那该有多方便啊
So I can't believe you never told me
我真不敢相信你一直不告诉我
about the whole baby thing.
那孩子的事
Honey, if I had to tell you every time
亲爱的如果每次本做了蠢事
Ben does something stupid, we would never leave the house.
我都要告诉你那咱俩就出不了家门了
No, I had dinner with my aunt Margot last night
不是我昨晚和玛戈特阿姨吃了顿饭
and she told me everything.
她把一切都告诉我了
Thank God.
太好了
I've been keeping that one locked up for years.
这个秘密可叫我憋了几十年了
I just-- I don't understand
我只是不明白
why it was such a secret.
何必要这么保密呢
I feel bad for aunt Margot.
我为玛戈特阿姨感到难过呢
Well, I feel bad for you.
我倒是为你难过
You're the one who lost out on having a cool mom
因为是你和这么酷的老妈擦肩而过
and got stuck with the, well...
却被拴在了
You know her better than anyone.
你知道我说的是谁
I'm sorry, what are you saying?
不好意思你在说什么
Well, I was just trying to avoid
我只是尽力避免
calling your mom a bitch.
把你妈称作"婊♥子♥"
Are you saying aunt Margot's my mom?
你是说玛戈特阿姨是我的亲生母亲吗
No...
才不是呢
So Margot had a baby and that baby was me?
也就是说玛戈特怀的孩子就是我
What?!
啥玩意
Excuse me.
失陪了
Well, I kept my mouth shut for 25 years.
我这25年嘴巴都闭得紧紧的
Any points for that?
没功劳也有苦劳吧
Jenny, we can't pretend like nothing happened.
珍妮我们不能假装什么事情都没发生
Sure we can. Watch me.
当然可以看我的
See? Doing it right now.
瞧见没我正装着呢
Well, I can't.
那我装不了
Mostly because I know something happened,
因为我什么都知道了
he's 6, His name is Ben, and quite frankly,
他6岁名字也叫本而且老实说
I think you're letting him have a little bit too much ice cream.
我觉得你不该让他吃这么多冰淇淋
Ben, I am begging you.
本我求你了
Have your party and go home.
赶紧开完派对回家吧
Okay.
好啦
I think our little princess is almost ready.
我看我们的小公主准备好啦
So, what do you say we throw my little girl a party, huh?
那咱们就给我闺女办个派对怎么样
All right.
小可人儿
Oh, my God.
天啊