巅峰拍档（2002）

估计损失高达37美元。是嘛？
Damage was estimated at 37. Was it?
你认真的？话说回来，不应该嘲笑他们
Was it?But actually, we shouldn't mock
因为本周，M2公路旁边也开了个
because you know there was a sinkhole, which is what this is,
和这一样大的排水口，就在中♥央♥分隔带
that opened on the M2 this week, did you see? On the central reservation
有关部门把路封了18小时
They closed the motorway for 18 hours.
而这家博物馆却照常开放。就是如此！
That, they kept the museum open.They did!
你依然可以参观这些车。是的...
Well, you can still see the cars.Yeah, you just...
我认为要给这帮美♥国♥佬♥鼓掌
I think we should applaud the Americans for that
这才是积极的人生态度
because that's a good attitude to health and safety.
没错。干得好，伙计们
It is. Well done, you.
噢，接下来要说的，我记起一些事。
Oh, now, I tell you what,I've just remembered something else.
前些时，我们聊了，呃
Recently, we were talking about, um,
高速路那些电子提示牌显示的愚蠢信息
those motorway gantry signs that flash up idiotic nannying messages.
这周我发现一张美国提示牌照片
There was a sign photographed in America this week, OK,
我猜是德克萨斯某处
I think it was in Texas.
下了点雪车速有些慢
There was a light snow flurry and some wag,
这照片太棒了，上眼瞧
and this is brilliant, posted this.
“噢我的天！你管这叫下雪？别扯了！”
"Oh my God! Is that snow?We're all gonna die!"
太有才了！真给劲
That's more like it!It's just fabulous.
但是，这本是我们应该做的事。这是英国风格玩笑
But actually, that is what we should do. Because that is the British way.
自嘲，苦中作乐，搏大家一笑
Self-deprecating, make fun of the situation, have a laugh.
在枯燥气氛里自娱自乐
Make fun of the rules and regulations.
我不知道这是哪位人才干的，但如果你正在看我们节目
I don't know who did this,but if you're watching
并且打算来英国，我要请你喝一杯
and you ever come to England,I would like to buy you a beer.
再给你酒里加点草莓酱
I'll put a strawberry on it for you.
说得好。好的，我收到一封来信。给大家念念
Yes. Now, I've received a letter.May I just read it to you
“亲爱的克拉克森先生...”你们会喜欢这段的
"Dear Mr Clarkson..."You're going to love this.
“我代表杜莎夫人蜡像馆给你写的这封信”
"I'm writing to you on behalf of the world-famous Madame Tussauds."
噢，难道他们要给你...是的，你猜到了！噢，你开玩笑！
Oh, they're not going to...Yes, they are! Oh, you're joking!
噢，不！
Oh, no!
他们强烈要求，强烈要求
They say I have been highly requested, highly requested,
给我铸一座蜡像
to be immortalised in wax.
你确定信上写的不是把你泡进蜡里？
You sure that doesn't say immersed in wax?
不，铸一尊蜡像
No, immortalised in wax.
他们怎么才能给你做一尊蜡像？
How are they going to immortalise you in wax?
上哪去弄这么多蜡？
Where are they going to get all the wax?
估计要把蜡像馆所有蜡像都熔掉
Presumably they'll have to melt down everything else
才够做一尊丑陋的蜡像...
in Madame Tussauds, to make one massive hideous wax dummy...
你的蜡像
of a hideous dummy.
很简单，只需要点燃一根巨大的蜡烛
It's easy, they just get a very big candle, they light it,
让它燃烧几个小时
let it drip down the edges for a couple of hours,
在烧完的蜡上刻张脸
then just draw a face on it with felt tip.
他的蜡像就完成了
That would look a bit like him.
做好之后他们打算怎么处理那玩意？
What are they going to do with it when they've got it?
想象孩子看见后会什么反应
“我们要去杜莎夫人蜡像馆啦！那是什么东西？啊！”
Imagine children, "We're going to Madame Tussauds! What is that?Ah！"
这会是史上第一座
It's going to be the first waxwork in history
由铁镐打造的蜡像。没错！还有锤子
to be sculpted with a pickaxe.Yes! And a hammer.
我想看他们雕刻时的样子，想象一下
I want to see them sculpting it,cos imagine,
当他们熔化了足够多的蜡之后，很多很多
once they've melted down enough wax,which is a lot,
盛蜡的容器，一定和指环王里的场面一样！
the size of the urn, it'll look like a scene from Lord Of The Rings!
许多半兽人奴隶围绕在底座周围
With all these little orcs walking around the bottom,
做好准备...倾泻而出，铸造出一座巨丑的
getting ready... a big pour,to create this hideous, hideous,
丑到爆的物体！他们怎么把这玩意弄进蜡像馆？
grotesque, enormous thing!How are they going to fit it in?
不，不要放进蜡像馆，放进自然历史博物馆
No, don't put it there,put it in the Natural History Museum.
最好不过...
Better still...
摆在雷龙模型旁边！
Next to the big brontosaur!
一座巨大的骨架
Just a big skeleton.
靠在各种恐龙标本旁边，
Just a big skeleton next to the brontosaur,
一座巨大骨架 - 这究竟是个什么玩意？
a big tyrannosaurus - what-the-hell-is-that?
人们纷纷驻足观赏
And then people can go and watch.
女士们先生们，典型的嘲讽和嫉妒
Ladies and gentlemen, the sound of bitterness and jealousy.
这就是我的同事。真想从没提过这封信
My colleagues, there.I wish I hadn't brought that up.
上周大家知道
As you probably noticed last week,
丹麦Zenvo超级跑车在节目里起火
a Danish supercar called the Zenvo came down here and caught fire.
很多小伙伴都震惊了
A lot of people were very shocked by that but actually,
其实新款超跑自燃
it's not unusual for expensive cars to catch fire
不是新鲜事
when they're first released.
法拉利458就出过这事
Ferrari had a problem with the 458.
就在本周
And then just this week,
听说保时捷GT3也出了这问题
we've been hearing about Porsche GT3 problems.
这有张照片...在瑞士
There's a shot here of one in...of one in Switzerland.
网上到处可以搜到这样的画面
The internet is awash with rumours of other examples of this.
保时捷也承认在意大利发生过类似事件
Porsche themselves admit it has happened in Italy as well.
并且已经暂停出♥售♥新款GT3
And have now suspended deliveries of the new GT3 to customers.
是的，但如果你已经买♥♥到新款...
Yeah, but what if you'd already taken delivery of your brand-new...
昂贵且随时可能自燃的GT3你该怎么办？
your brand-new and expensive GT3 that might catch fire at any moment?
我们应该找个车主问问
Well, we really need to ask a customer,
有谁刚买♥♥了这车呢？
don't we, who's just done that?
哈蒙德！怎么了？你刚刚买♥♥到一辆GT3，是吗？
Hammond! What? You've just had a GT3 delivered, haven't you?
没错！
Yes!
闭嘴！闭嘴，别说了
Shut up!Shut up, stop talking about it.
谢你全家，下个话题。心情一定很沮丧。噢，老天。是的，有点
Thank you, move on. It must be so depressing. Oh, God. Yes, it is.
努力工作买♥♥下梦寐以求的神车
To have worked so hard to buy your dream car
却立马变得一文不值。噢，上帝！
that is then immediately valueless.Oh, God!
为了让你振作起来，哈蒙德，我给你准备了件小礼物
So to try and cheer you up, Hammond,I've bought you a small present.
噢，是吗？谢谢，我喜欢你的礼物
Oh, have you? Thank you,I love your gifts.
互相送礼不是我们经常干的事
We don't often buy each other presents on this show
但今天例外
but I've done just that today.
其实...这是一副GT3牌的驾驶手套
Mono... They're actually GT3 branded driving gloves.
烤箱专用
Oven gloves.
谢谢
Thank you.
有你的。哈哈哈哈！
Funny. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
并且
And...
还没完。噢，别讽刺我了
Doesn't just stop there.Oh, please let it stop.
我认为你需要给你的爱车
I think we need to coat your car
外面盖一层顶级防火材料。批萨饼
in the most fire retardant material known to man. Pizzas.
噢，不要批萨！他又要抽风了
Oh, not your pizza theory!It's one of his stupid theories.
来吧，哈蒙德，过来。
Come on, Hammond, come with me.
这是你刚买♥♥的GT3
Now, this is your actual GT3.
是的，没错
Yes, it is, actually, yes.
可以肯定这点，因为旁边有个
We know this because there's a fireman standing next to it
手持灭火器的消防员时刻准备着。黑的漂亮！
with an extinguisher in case it suddenly combusts. Good!
我的计划是，听好
Now, what I'm planning on doing, OK,
把这两块批萨贴到车上
is I'm going to take these pizzas,pop them on the car.
然后点燃这盏喷灯。不！我不允许你这么干，不可以！
And then apply a blowtorch.No! No, you're not, no, you're not!
我以前见过你这么干，但这次不行。绝对
I've seen you do this and you're not doing it to my car. No.
但现场的小伙伴们都把眼瞪直了...
But the ladies and gentlemen want to see if pizza is...
我不管！不准伤害我的车！那就把批萨放在你身上？
I don't care! Not to my car! No.Can we attach them to you?
好吧，如果你坚持，行啊。好的，首先
Well, if you must, yes.Right, well, first of all,
首先确认...詹姆士，来帮个忙吧？好的
we need to establish...James, can I borrow you? Yes.
首先鉴定一下这是真的批萨，OK？
First of all we need to establish that these are pizzas, OK?
看看
Have a look.
这里面绝对没有石棉垫
You will see there's no asbestos in there,
真的是批萨。对吧？是的
they're real pizzas. Yes? Yeah.
詹姆士，来尝尝？
James, perhaps you'd like to just take a bite?
让我尝尝看。是真批萨吧？
Yes, let me just pull a piece off.Is that a pizza?
形同嚼蜡，肯定没错了
Tastes like the cardboard box it came in, so it must be.
行了。鉴定完毕
There you go.So those are the pizzas.
把它们贴在哈蒙德身上一定很爽
If you'd like to attach those to Hammond, that would be tremendous.
糊他脸上？呃...
To his face? Um...
贴他小兄弟上。OK。噢，真的？
His vegetables. OK. Oh, really?
有你的！
Come on!
噢，不...胸有成竹，伙计
Oh, not... That's ambitious, mate.
好大一块！
That's by my knees!
现在我点燃喷灯。好的
Now, I'm going to fire up the blowtorch. There we go.
噢，老天，不！这太荒谬了！
Oh, God, come on, no!This is ridiculous!
詹姆士，这火焰温度有多高？
James, how hot is the tip of this flame?
大概在800摄氏度左右，足够熔掉铝制车身
Probably the best part of 800 degrees C. Enough to melt aluminium.
能熔化铝制车身。这是真家伙
Enough to melt aluminium.This is a real blowtorch.
看，我能烧焦桌面