辛普森一家
The Simpsons S35E10
Part 3
March 18, 2024, 8:42 p.m.
Here's your Henley!
春田大学夏令营赛艇队
有人把P过的照片放进我申请里
Someone put doctored photos into my application!
我知道是谁干的
And I know who.
春田镇扔斧子游戏
你为了我
You cheated.
作弊
For me!
什么 我没有
What?! No, I didn't!
宝贝 怎么了
Honey, what's the matter?
爸爸和巴仔把我P成奥林匹克赛艇手
Dad and Bart put my head on an Olympic rower's body
作弊让我进夏令营
to cheat my way into camp!
我们才没 我们干嘛要帮个
No, we didn't. Why would we help someone
凭实力就能进的人作弊啊
who's already good at things?
不说了 爸爸进决赛了
Now shut up. Dad's in the finals.
他赢了就能把这个改装卡车带回家
He could win an electric truck they converted back to gas.
你已经在这世界上所有愚蠢比赛里作弊了
You've already cheated at every dumb sport in the world!
我赌现在这个你也在作弊
I bet you're cheating at this dumb sport right now!
我的脚
Ow, my foot.
丽莎 嘘
Lisa, shh.
好多参赛者车里有猎枪
A lot of these axe throwers have guns in their cars.
你在怕什么
What are you afraid of,
怕他们发现
that they'll see...
超级大磁铁
吸大斧利器
这个吗
this?
磁铁
A magnet.
你现在作弊
If you was cheating at this,
我赌你其他莫名其妙赢的比赛里
I bet you cheated at all them other events
也是作弊
you surprisingly and illogically won.
我们的奖赏和尊严
We were robbed!
都被你强抢了
Of our prizes and our dignity!
找他算账
Get 'em!
别过来 我是扔斧冠军
Stay back! I'm a champion axe thrower!
我的残肢
Ow, my stump.
别让骗子们跑了
Don't let them cheaters get away!
家人们 你们误会我们了
Look, guys, you got us all wrong.
我们不是骗子
We didn't cheat!
快 上刚赢的全地形车
Quick, get on the ATVs we won by cheating.
看看谁刚刚被骗了呀
Looks like you just got cheated!
复仇者们
Out of your revenge!
来吐豆腐
受众群体未知
你以为溜之大吉我就不生气了 大错特错
If you think I'm not mad anymore, you're wrong.
逃跑的一路 我更生气了
While we were escaping, I got even more mad!
这叫多任务处理
It's called multitasking.
这是我申请上其中一个没作弊的个人技巧
And it was one of the legitimate skills on my application.
记得吗 你作弊的那份申请
Remember? The one you cheated on?
我发誓 我没有
We didn't, I swear.
以作弊者的荣誉担♥保♥ -真的吗
Cheater's honor. - Oh, really?
如果不是你俩 那谁还会上传
Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded
我这些赛艇的假照片让我能进夏令营
all those fake photos of me rowing so I could get into camp?
是我 -是你
I did. - You?
你 不 不
You?! No, no.
肯定是我
It must've been me!
不 是我做的
No, it was me.
但是 马姬 你一直是你
But, Marge, you're you.
也就是甜美 纯粹 永不被腐蚀
You're sweet, pure, incorruptible.
爸爸
Dad,
是我们毁了妈妈
we ruined Mom.
不 不
No! No!
我做了什么
What have I done?
除了我知道自己做过的种种行为
Other than everything I know that I did?
对 我作弊了
Yes, I cheated.
是你教我怎么作弊的
And you showed me how to do it.
可我不是为了赢一个牛肉干脱水机
But not to win a beef jerky dehydrator
也不是哈雷戴维森洗须水
or Harley-Davidson beard shampoo.
"如果想让你的孩子成功
"If you want your kids to succeed,
那么不作弊就是在欺骗他们"
then not cheating is cheating them."
妈妈 可你也让我无法
Mom, you also cheated me out of the chance
凭自己的优点成功入选
to get in on my own merits!
我那么努力
I worked hard.
我打扫海滩
I cleaned up the beach.
教年长者如何发邮件
I taught old people how to email!
用的可是72号♥字
I was working with 72-point font!
这都是我们的错
Oh, this is all our fault.
儿子 我们铸下了大错
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
但我们可以汲取教训并做得更好
But we can learn and do better.
我们以后再也不要搞什么情感联结了
Let's never, ever bond again.
你说得对 再也不搞
You're right. Never again.
向我保证 这是我们最后一次拥抱
Promise me this is the last time we hug.
我发誓 爸爸 我发誓
I swear, Dad. I swear.
原来你们在这里
There you is.
要不是那几声惭愧的呕吐声
We never would've found you
我们还找不到你们
if it weren't for all that guilt vomiting
我们听够了
we done heard.
来吧 杀了我
Go ahead. Kill me.
直接劈我的头
Cleave my skull.
在腐蚀了我唯一认识的好人之后
I don't deserve to live after corrupting
我不配再活下去
the only good person I've ever known.
这我可说不好
I don't know about that.
我们只想教训教训你
We was just gonna rough you up a little bit.
那个 我是说 我...
Oh. Well, I mean, I...
我觉得我们可以杀你
I guess we could kill you,
但你估计需要先签个免责书之类的东西
but you probably need to sign a waiver or something.
谁也不许杀人
Nobody is killing anyone.
辛普森一家得跟我们走
The Simpsons are coming with us.
这之后我们是继续为友 还是各奔东西
You think we'll all stay friends after this or just drift apart?
好吧 看来是各奔东西
Well, mm, drift apart it is.
春田大学
这是我想去的学校
Aw, this is the camp I wanted to go to.
他们一定知道了申请作假的事
They must know about the fake application.
欢迎 辛普森一家
Welcome, Simpsons!
希望你们不介意
I hope you don't mind that I had
批准 校长 入学申请
我让春田大学橄榄球队队员
the University of Springfield football team
把你们带过来
bring you here.
我想就申请作假的事
Um, I want to apologize
做出道歉
for being party to a false application.
我的妈妈和我需要就诚实展开"谈话"
My mother and I need to have "The talk" about honesty.
丽莎 不要生你妈妈的气
Lisa, don't be mad at your mother.
你也许会感到惊讶 这所学校
It may surprise you to learn that this institution has
拥有着大方接受作弊的优良传统
a proud tradition of embracing cheating.
毕竟 这可是春田大学夏令营
After all, this is University of Springfield Camp,
USC
USC.
USC 春田大学夏令营
那么...你们居然能接受我作弊
Well... you're okay with me cheating?
请告诉我不是这样的 贝利奇克校长
Say it isn't so, Dean Belichick.
你以为你的申请材料是唯一一份
You think your application was the only one
镀过金的吗 看看这些
with embellishments? Look at these.
十岁的这位说自己能主刀心脏手术
This ten-year-old claims she performs open-heart surgery.
十二岁的这位说波霸奶茶要用粗吸管喝
This 12-year old said it was her idea
是她的原创
to use big fat straws for boba tea.
而你知道吗
And you know what?
我们把这些人都录取了
We let them all in.
USC认证人才
但我想过品德端正的生活
But I want to live an ethical life!
这就是我们所处的世界
This is the world we live in.
纳税人背着国税局偷税漏税
Taxpayers hide money from the IRS,
约会软件上的个人简介谎话连篇
dating profiles are nothing but lies,
此时此刻休斯敦太空人正在研究的作弊方式
and right now the Houston Astros are dreaming up ways to cheat
能惊掉你的下巴
that would blow your mind.
所以 在我们USC
So, here at USC,
我们决定接纳欺骗
we decided to own cheating
帮助我们的学生面对这个世界本来的面目
and prepare our students for the way the world is,
而不是让他们活在象牙塔里
not the way some would like it to be.
你觉得怎么样 丽莎
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