辛普森一家
The Simpsons S35E09
Part 3
March 18, 2024, 8:42 p.m.
有件事我必须和你讲
There is something I must tell you
有关宅粉夜宴和随后的手办被害事件
about the night of the fanquet and subsequent toy murder.
夜幕降临的时候
When everything went dark,
我正戴着我的夜视镜
I was wearing my night-vision goggles,
从待映电影夜视镜剧组偷的
from my upcoming film The Night-Vision Goggler.
你看到是谁干的了吗
Did you see who did it?
别着急嘛 女士 不过我确实看到了罪魁祸首
Patience, fräulein. I did see the culprit,
我现在就告诉你到底是谁干的
and I am about to tell you who he or she is.
请欣赏我华丽辞藻的溢出
Watch as the words emerge from my mouth.
破坏手办的凶手不是别人
The doll murderer is nein other than...
我要晕了
I will be passing out now and all of these things.
天杀的
Damn it.
丽莎 你也来收拾屋子吗
Lisa. Are you also up dusting for prints?
我指消灭掉别人客房♥服务
That's what I call eating leftover food
剩下的食物
off people's room-service trays.
我不在乎
I don't care!
再有任何一件坏事发生
If one more horrible thing happens,
我就要疯了
I'm going to lose it.
我的亲亲漫画男失踪了
My sweet Comic Book Guy is gone.
当然了
Of course he is.
我是说
I mean...
巴仔在监狱
Bart's in jail, our one
唯一可信的目击人被盾牌击晕了
credible witness just got sucker-shielded,
漫画男失踪
Comic Book Guy is missing,
案子还是一点进展都没有
and we're still no closer to solving the case.
太多反转了
So many twists and turns.
这算什么谋杀悬案
What kind of murder mystery is this?
消停会 塔伊加·维迪提
Stop talking, Taika Waititi.
我知道了
That's it.
我知道谁破坏了手办
I know who murdered the toy.
不过我还需要一点辅佐
But I just need one thing.
我要观众们听我侦探大揭秘
An audience to watch me milk the big reveal.
破坏漫画男手办的凶手
The murder of Comic Book Guy's action figure
就是他本人
was committed by Comic Book Guy himself.
跟随直觉 我写信给伦敦的辛迪加劳合社
Based on a hunch, I wrote to Lloyd's of London,
辛迪加劳合社 英国最大保险商
并得到了辛迪加本人的回应 他人真好
and I got this response from Lloyd himself. Good guy.
漫画男对手办进行过鉴定
Comic Book Guy had the doll appraised and insured
并投了93.5万英镑的保险
for 935,000 British pounds.
于是 他关了灯
So, he turned off the lights
为得到这笔保险金
and murdered the plastic action man himself
自己破坏了手办
for the insurance money.
但是那时他知道我们怀疑他了
But then he knew that we were onto him,
或者说实话 是我已经盯上了他
or, let's face it, I was onto him.
所以他深夜逃之夭夭
So, he took flight in the dead of night,
逃走前把手办的头栽赃扔到巴仔客舱里
but not before planting the doll's head in Bart's cabin,
并打晕了他罪行的一位目击者
and knocking out the one witness to the crime,
过气动作明星雷尼尔.沃卡索
washed-up action star Rainier Wolfcastle.
说的对
That's fair.
现在漫画男估计
Now Comic Book Guy's probably
正在热带海滩喝着迈泰鸡尾酒
on a tropical beach somewhere sipping mai tais.
还不知道他那恶毒的罪行
Little does he know that his heinous crime
已经被我这个侦查大♥师♥
has been exposed by me, Master Sleuth
以及即将完成翻拍的
and star of the upcoming reboot
《奇异果大冒险》中的明星
Kiwi's Big Adventure,
塔伊加·维迪提 揭露于世
Taika Waititi.
他真的做到了
Wow, he really did it.
辐射侠
六种难以置信的伽马射线颜色已上市
天啊
Oh, my God.
我怎么能这么蠢
How could I have been so stupid?
非常棒 塔伊加·维迪提
Amazing work, Taika Waititi.
我知道你刚侦破了案件
I know you just cracked the case,
但我也有自己的一套小理论
but I have a little theory of my own.
有人想听吗
Does anyone want to hear it?
没有
No!
好了大家 听听又何妨
Oh, come on, people. What's the harm?
谢谢你 塔伊加
Thank you, Taika.
现在根据你的回忆
Now, as you recall,
这种特别的辐射侠手办
there were only two of these irregular radioactive man dolls
全世界只做了两个
made in the whole world.
我记得
Oh, I remember.
如果 是另一只手办的主人
What if the owner of the other doll
收到了什么坏消息
received some bad news
并狂怒下弄坏了他们的那个
and broke their action figure in a fit of rage?
然后如果那个主人也参加了这次巡游
And then what if that owner came on this cruise specifically
用他们坏掉的手办和漫画男完好的那个掉包
to swap out their broken figure for Comic Book Guy's intact one
这样他们就能占有唯一一个
so that they could secretly possess the only Radioactive Man
带有金刚狼爪的辐射侠
with Wolverine claws left in existence?
我还发现了一件很有趣的事
And I just discovered something quite interesting,
这也多亏船上配备了
thanks to the ship's onboard Wi-Fi,
各点位都信♥号♥♥极佳的无线网络
which is spotty at best.
根据一家网站信息
According to this website,
第二个手办
that second doll was sold
极客手办追踪器
在新西兰威灵顿售出
in Wellington, New Zealand,
他们那里"颜色"一词拼写 多一个"u"
where they spell "Colour" With a "U."
那么 这艘船上的谁来自新西兰
Now, who on this boat do we know comes from New Zealand?
这可真是个聪明的理论
Well, that's a very clever theory.
但如果是新西兰人犯罪
But if it's a crime to be from New Zealand,
你要先逮捕《弦乐航♥班♥》那两位
you'd have to arrest both guys from Flight of the Conchords.
他们叫什么来着 弗雷德和吉莫西
What are their names again? Fred and Jimothy?
你也许说的对
You might be right,
但考虑到击昏了
but consider that the shield that incapacitated
唯一目击者的那只盾牌
the only witness to the crime
似乎沾满了粘稠物
seems to be covered with goo.
什么样的粘稠物
What manner of goo?
爸爸 我知道这么说有点奇怪
Dad, I know this is a weird ask,
但你能不能舔舔这个...
but would you mind licking this... oh.
咸咸的 有酵母味
Salty. Yeasty.
还有点麦芽的粗糙感
Ugh. With hints of malty grossness.
维吉麦
Vegemite,
塔伊加·维迪提最爱的食物
the favorite food of Taika Waititi.
或者"最爱"的拼写也要加个字母"u"
Or should I say fave-o-u-rite.
等等 那巴仔·辛普森
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What about the scratch marks
脸上的抓痕怎么解释 那只能是
on Bart Simpson's face? Those had to come from
他弄坏的这个手办的小爪子划的
the tiny claws on the doll he broke.
是吗 也有可能是这只海鲜叉划的哦
Did they? Or maybe they came from this seafood fork.
我爸之前在目中无人地
My dad was selfishly shoveling
把剥了壳的虾往喉管里塞
pre-shucked shellfish down his shrimp-shaft...
一口一只 然后他不小心
one take... and he accidentally
划伤了巴仔的脸颊
scratched Bart on his cheek.
这个银发的多面手
That silver-haired multi-hyphenate
无疑是有罪的
is guilty as sin.
在你找到确凿的证据之前 我都是清白的
Not without one more piece of damning evidence, I'm not.
你们不能就这么在我的船舱里翻箱倒柜的
You can't just tear my cabin apart!
你们需要许可证
You need a warrant!
不 我们不需要 我们在公海上
No, we don't. We're in international waters.
我们明明在春田湖的中♥央♥
We're in the middle of lake Springfield.
我从这里都能看见猪油小子的雕像
I can see the Lard Lad statue from here.
找到了 漫画男完好的原版手办
Here it is, Comic Book Guy's original doll unbroken.
该死 好吧没错 莱尼 是我♥干♥的
Damn it. Yes, it's true, Lenny. I did it.
我把我的新西兰辐射侠扔到房♥间另一头去了
I threw my New Zealand Radioactive Man across the room
当时我发现流媒体
when I found out the streamer was shelving
把我的第二季剧直接砍了 连播都没播
the second season of my series without airing it.
为了纳税吗
For tax purposes?
是的 为了纳税
Yes, for tax purposes.
所以我想出了这个计划 因为我需要钱
So I hatched this plan because I needed the money
来继续堆我的金山
to throw into my already enormous pile of money.
你们还没见识到我的真正实力
You haven't seen the last of me.
我在新西兰人脉可广了
I've got powerful friends in New Zealand.
霍比特人 半兽人 歌♥手洛德 树人恩特
Hobbits, orcs, Lorde, ents, Melanie Lynskey,
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