辛普森一家

The Simpsons S35E01

Part 3 March 18, 2024, 8:42 p.m.

and giving the crossing guards a blank check, say "aye."
同意
Aye.
不同意
Nay.
把我的巨大支票簿拿过来
Somebody get my enormous checkbook.
付给过路协管部门
想要多少给多少
真奏效了
It worked.
早知道多要一点了以防万一
Maybe I should've asked them for more, just in case.
这里还有一张以防万一
And, uh, here's some more, just in case.
付给过路协管部门
以防万一多给一点
英勇饭店
《兵器突击队》
这些豆袋火箭筒能打碎货车挡风玻璃
Ooh, these beanbag bazookas can shatter a minivan windshield.
还配了一个豆袋肩带
And it comes with a beanbag bandolier.
豆袋火箭筒
看看你管理着巨额的预算
Look at you and your huge budget.
我的伟大街道领导者
My big, strong leader in the streets
我是指...床罩领导者
and in the sheets... the bedsheets.
我喜欢昨晚我们戴着太阳镜的感觉
I like that we kept our sunglasses on last night.
我什么都看不见
I couldn't see a thing.
看看这些很酷的装备
Wow, look at all this cool stuff.
你简直是全能交通帝
You are an all-powerful crossing God.
我记得你说徽章很逊来着
I thought you said badges were lame?
跟所有获得一大笔钱的暴发户一样
Hey, like everyone who comes into a ton of cash,
我已经倒向了当权者一边
I've flip-flopped to the side of authority.
你要收我钱吗弗朗辛
Oh, you're charging me, Francine?
哪怕我每天早上都在保障你孩子的安全
Even though I keep your kids safe every morning?
艾登夏洛特
Aiden? Charlotte?
还有近视的尼古拉斯
Nearsighted Nicholas?
很抱歉这是送的
Oh, I'm sorry. It's on the house.
谢谢您的服务英雄
Thank you for your service, hero.
我其实都没孩子但这人吓到我了
I don't even have kids, but this guy scares me.
爸爸我担心钱与权力的飞速增长
Um, Dad, I worry that this massive increase in money and power
已经慢慢开始腐蚀你了
is subtly corrupting you.
亲爱的放松
Oh, honey, relax.
根本没有这回事
There's nothing subtle about it.
请勿过马路
过路协管专属配枪
快快快
Move, move, move!
干得好伙计
Nice job, squeaks.
谋而曼你三点钟方向有几个疑交者
Moleman, you got a couple of SJWs... suspected jaywalkers...
可疑的不守交规者且敌意极大
at three o'clock. Engage with extreme hostility.
收到关掉保险栓和执法记录仪
Copy. Gun safety and body cam off.
辛普森和他那群橙色马甲
Mm... Simpson and his orange shirts
完全无视公民权利在骚扰他们的生活
are harassing citizens with complete disregard for their civil rights.
我却在忙着处理恼怒的邮件和九位数的诉讼
I'm up to my eyeballs in angry emails and nine-figure lawsuits.
但你总能
Well, you could always, uh...
减少他们的预算吧
decrease their budget a bit.
不给我们资金了
Defund us?!
我部门的钱不多
My department does not have too much money.
你怎么知道我们之前在说什么
How did you know what we were talking about?
我们有监控卫星
Uh, surveillance satellite.
老天我们也想要一个
Aw, geez, we wanted one of those.
辛普森队长
Uh, captain Simpson,
本镇预算
你们过路协管现在占了这个镇绝大部分预算
your crossing guards now take up the vast majority of this town's budget.
我们也别无选择只能较少你们预算的1.5%
We have no choice but to trim your budget by... 1.5 percent.
1.5...
One point...
先生你马上就会意识到过路协管可不好说话
Sir, you're about to learn the crossing guards are uncrossable.
那个帮我们过去的好人去哪了
Where's the nice man who helps us cross?
听说他失去了资金支持
I heard he lost his funding.
我们自己过去吧
Let's just go by ourselves.
欢迎来到昆比市长的春田镇
Welcome to mayor Quimby's Springfield,
人口数减少两个孩子
population: two less kids.
昆比跟他脑满肠肥的警♥察♥好友
Quimby and his fat-cop cronies
真实照片
想在大街上到处装上撞门器滚动挡板
want to flood the streets with door-dashers, rolling stoppers,
也是真的
醉驾司机
和黄灯变速鞋
and yellow-light speeder-uppers.
乔·昆比对春田镇不利
Joe Quimby. Bad for Springfield.
对美国更糟
Worse for America.
由昆比给的钱制♥作♥
诽谤广♥告♥
A smear ad?
今年都还不是选举年
It's not even an election year.
是吗
Is it?
侯默·辛普森可以在这里称霸
Homer Simpson can bully this town,
霸凌市民和他们的小孩
its citizens, and their young children,
但他不能霸凌我
but he cannot bully me.
克兰西给我把他搞倒
Clancy, shut him down.
乐意之至
With pleasure.
我建立的细橙线脸书主页上
My anti-Quimby ad got a million likes
做的反昆比广♥告♥收到了一百万赞
on my "Thin Orange Line" Facebook page.
看看这些支持的言论
Look at all these supportive comments.
杀了昆比
"Murder Quimby,"
把他分尸
"Dismember Quimby,"
回到过去杀了小时候的昆比
"Go back in time and kill baby Quimby."
互联网
Ah, the Internet,
就是创意的市场
the marketplace of ideas.
你危及到公职人员的生命了
You're endangering the lives of public officials.
拜托我只是睁眼说了些瞎话
Oh, come on, I'm just slinging a little mud.
最坏又能怎么样呢
What's the worst that could happen?
老天爷
Dear God...
可以跨过
那把椅子是我在队里最好的朋友
That chair was my best friend on the force.
谁敢做这种事呢
Who would dare do this?
我敢
Me would dare.
有胆子惹猪你就会挨猪拱
When you mess with the pig, you get the snout.
你这一步走得太远了韦根
This is a chair too far, Wiggum.
我的过路协管和你的警员
My crossing guards and your cops
得在城里最危险的地方
need to settle this once and for all,
一次性把事情解决了
at the most dangerous place in town.
怎么你是说为了得到关注给大家下毒的
What, that Brunchausen by Loxy Place
在洛克西广场的布伦乔森吗
that's been poisoning everyone for attention?
不我是说六路交叉口
No. The six-way intersection.
停
好吧
Well, well,
我以为警♥察♥只有坏事发生以后才会出现
I thought cops only showed up after something bad happens.
我们已经受够了你的协管员
We are sick of you crossing guards
和你那些不可理喻大男子主义
and your unaccountable, super-macho,
超级敏感疯狂军国主义的胡话
hyper-sensitive, crazily militarized malarkey.
那是我们的风格可恶
That's our thing, damn it.
不那是我们的风格
No, that's our thing.
你们又是谁
Who the hell are you?
我们是ICE 保护这个国家免受
We're ICE. Keeping this country safe
清洁女工和上大学的梦想家的伤害
from cleaning ladies and college-age dreamers.
我们是美国人的英雄
We're America's heroes.
你倒是想呢你们这些抓小孩的我们TSA
You wish, kid-cagers. It's the TSA.
才是通过一次没收一瓶洗发水的方式
We keep this country safe,
保护国♥家♥安♥全♥
one confiscated shampoo bottle at a time.
再想想你们这些喜欢闻鞋味的人
Think again, shoe sniffers.
唯一让社会还团结的力量是美国交通女警
The only force holding society together is America's meter maids.
和交通男警
And meter butlers.
不是我们这些在有权携带枪♥支♥的州
No, it's us, overzealous neighborhood watch guys
热心过头的邻里监督员
in right-to-carry states.
抱歉克莱姆
Whoop. Sorry, Clem.
你们都觉得自己在保护美国安全吗
You all think you keep America safe?
怎么做骚扰老太太
How? By hassling grandmas
破坏女孩十五岁生日庆典吗
and wrecking quinceañeras?
还是用你的魔杖擦我的老二
By grazing my junk with your wand?
还是逮捕银行劫匪
Or arresting bank robbers who rob banks?
跟你们都不一样
Unlike all of you,
我才该觉得自己像上帝
I've earned the right to feel godlike.
我真的救过别人一命
I've actually saved a life.
老兄我们每天都在拯救人命
Um, we save lives every day, bruh.
闭嘴吧救生员这是陆上的事
Shut up, lifeguards. This is a land argument.
不过如果你们都想发疯
But if the rest of you want to get nuts,
那来呀来疯呀