辛普森一家

The Simpsons S35E02

Part 2 March 18, 2024, 8:42 p.m.

Hmm. Here we go.
妈妈快过来
Mom! Come quick!
我来了我来了巴仔怎么了
I'm here. I'm here, Bart. What happened?
扎刺了 -就这点事
Splinter. - Oh. That's it?
有点出血
It's kind of bleeding.
好像也没有
Maybe not.
你的手什么时候长这么大了
When did your hands get so big?
比我的手都大
They're bigger than mine.
不知也许我长了一双巨型手
I dunno. Maybe I got freaky-big hands.
用镊子拔走谢谢
Tweeze, please.
我们很久没牵手了
I guess it's been a while since we held hands.
你弄好没
Ew. Did you get it?
谢谢
Thanks.
这就是你做噩梦的原因
So that's why you're having nightmares.
巴仔很粗鲁而且浑身是刺
Bart is super rude and full of splinters.
也许吧或者只是小摊热狗吃恶心了
Maybe. Or maybe I'm just sick off hubcap hotdogs.
为什么醒着的我会吃那个啊
Why would awake-me eat those?
一点也不像醒着的我
That doesn't seem like awake-me.
酒喝够后你会觉得自己无所不能
After enough booze slushies, you think you can do anything.
我还跟泊车的人掰了个腕子
I challenged the valet to an arm wrestle,
后来发现他只是个指示牌
but he turned out to be just a sign.
为什么我会在孩子上学的晚上
Why was I drinking frozen wine
在一家日常连锁饭店
in a casual dining chain restaurant
喝冰红酒
on a school night?
我也不知道在我们见了巴仔老师后
I dunno. After our meeting with Bart's teacher,
你说你需要喝一杯
you said you needed a drink.
跟巴仔老师见面
无论巴仔做了什么
Look, whatever Bart did,
我们会支付清洗或更换
we'll pay to have it cleaned or replaced
或治疗或其他的费用
or for its therapy or...
巴仔什么都没做
Bart hasn't done anything.
我约了所有父母
I'm meeting with all the parents.
甚至普通孩子
Even the normal kids. Oh!
巴仔就是普通孩子
Bart is normal.
我的意思是我们已经不再用普通这个词了
I-I mean, we don't say normal anymore, I mean...
我跟所有父母都这么说
I-I'm talking to all the parents.
你们孩子并不特别我指是独一无二的但
You're not special. I-I mean, you are, but...
您想说的是什么
What did you want to talk about?
你们都知道跳拉松意味着
As you know, bounce-a-thon means
快到年底了
we're getting close to the end of the year.
所以现在是个好时机去谈论
So it's a good time to talk about
上五年级的事了
the transition to fifth grade.
小学的最后一年
You know, last year of elementary school
接着上中学然后...
and then it's on to middle school and then...
中学
Middle school?
一切都会变
Then everything changes.
女孩们粉刺毒品体臭
Girls, acne, drugs, body odor.
听着我教过五年级
Listen, I've taught fifth grade.
求你们去买♥♥五年级学生的除臭剂
Please buy your fifth-grader deodorant.
真正的除臭剂不是纯天然成分那种
Like, real deodorant, not the "Natural" Stuff.
他们看起来是孩子但闻起来...
They may look like children, but they smell...
像兴奋的出租车司机
like nervous cab-drivers.
关键是别害怕
The point is: don't freak out.
好的我为什么会害怕呢
Okay. About what?
一些父母会认为
Well, some parents start thinking,
"完蛋我孩子的童年到此结束了"
"Oh no. This is the end of my kid's childhood."
但是五年级并不代表巴仔童年的结束不是吗
But fifth grade isn't the end of Bart's childhood, right?
再怎么说也算是他童年的最后一年了
I mean, technically, it is the last year of it.
你知道巴仔怎么了吗
Did you find out what happened to Bart?
这一刻还是到来了
It's what's going to happen.
他要长大了
He's going to grow up.
小兔崽子
Damn kid.
这个梦太奇怪了
It was such a strange dream.
巴仔4岁
Bart was four
太可爱了
and he was so adorable.
我几乎忘了曾经有那么一段时间
I'd almost forgotten there was a time
巴仔是更乖的那个
when Bart was the sweet one,
而丽莎才是调皮捣蛋的那个
and Lisa was the difficult one.
平心而论
Uh, to be fair...
我现在只有18个月大
I'm only 18 months old,
所以听到对我2岁阶段的描述
so to be going through my terrible twos now
有点过于超前了
is actually pretty advanced.
糟糕我还在做梦
Crap, I'm still dreaming!
跳拉松
Bounce-a-thon!
我也要去
I'm coming, too!
好耶 -你不是生病了吗
Yay! - Aren't you sick?
我好像听到你呕吐
I thought I heard you barfing.
不那不是呕吐
No, that wasn't barfing.
那是...掺了胃酸的一声响嗝...
That was... loud, sloshy burps...
我报名负责了现场点心
I signed up for snack,
所以我得做棉花糖...
so I have to make marshmallow trea...
我可以的只需要先融化一些棉花...
I can do this. Just have to melt some margari...
别担心超级老爸已经接手
Don't worry. Super-Dad is already
棉花糖小点心的制♥作♥了
making the marshmallow treats.
你用了哪种脆米糖大米还是可可味的
Which krispies did you use? Rice or cocoa?
我自己研发的大米已经差不多炸好了
I'm making my own. The rice is krispying as we speak.
味道像是烤焦了
Oh, it smells like you've burnt it!
问题不大只需要用剩下的蛋酒浸泡一下
No problem, I'll moisten it with the last of the eggnog.
几年前吃的东西都被我吐出来了
I'm throwing up stuff I ate years ago.
里面好像有我们的婚礼蛋糕
I think I saw wedding cake.
你真的应该待在家里
You really should stay home.
也许你是对的
Oh, maybe you're right.
这会是我错过的第一个跳拉松
This will be the first bounce-a-thon I've ever missed.
错过活动不要太爽
Oh, missing stuff is the greatest.
每次遇到事情
When I do stuff,
我都害怕会错过错过它的机会
I have a fear of missing out on missing out.
侯默听着你必须记得一件事
Homer, listen, you have to do this for me.
给每个孩子都拍一张
Take a picture of each kid
在终点线竖大拇指的照片
giving a thumbs-up at the finish line.
存进剪贴簿里
It's for my scrapbook.
我给每一学年都留好位置了
I've already made windows for each school year.
巴仔伸出大拇指的时候慢一点
Bart, thumbs-up slowly past Daddy.
留出相机对焦的时间
Give him time to focus.
妈妈该怎么跟你说呢
Mom, there's no easy way to tell you this,
我就直说了
so I'm just gonna say it.
我已经凭拍摄前沿露骨的沙雕照片
At school, I'm becoming known for taking cutting-edge,
在学校声名鹊起了
no-holds-barred comedy photos.
是真的
It's true.
我听五年级的谈论过
I've heard fifth graders say so.
什么意思
So, w-what are you saying?
我绝对不可能在跳拉松上竖大拇指的
There's no way I can do a thumbs-up at bounce-a-thon.
什么 -那会毁了我
What? - It will ruin the brand
从拍照日起就一手打造起来的品牌
I've been building since picture day.
粉丝们希望看到比反转眼皮和胶粘鼻子
My fans expect me to top inside-out eyelids
更有料的照片
and scotch tape nose.
你根本就不懂我的压力
You don't understand the pressure I'm under.
可是这是跳拉松手账
But this is for the bounce-a-thon album.
这样你就不会忘记跳拉松了
So you'll always remember bounce-a-thon.
可是我不喜欢跳拉松
But I don't even like bounce-a-thon.
我觉得这很蠢
I'm making fun of bounce-a-thon.
什么
What?
没有小孩喜欢跳拉松
None of us kids like bounce-a-thon.
一点也不酷
It's not very cool.
可是你们去年觉得它很酷
Well, you thought it was cool last year.
跳拉松超酷
巴仔就比个大拇指好吗
Bart, just one thumbs-up, please?
不妈妈
I'm sorry, but no.
我现在喜欢拍丑照
Crazy pictures is my thing now.
你应该接受我今年我喜欢的有所不同
You should respect that this is just how I am this year.
巴仔你说话好成熟
Bart, you sound so mature and grown up.
我不接受
I hate that.
快跑有东西来了