辛普森一家
The Simpsons S35E01
Part 2
March 18, 2024, 8:42 p.m.
爱意和赞许呢
for local crossing guards?
我不知道 或许我们可以用一些新设备
I don't know. I guess we could use some new equipment.
这些草坪椅真的不舒服
These lawn chairs aren't very comfy
这些旧带子并没有做到"提升和支撑"
and these old sashes don't exactly "lift and support."
但是 肯特
But you know what, Kent?
能保护孩子的安全本身就是一种奖励
Keeping kids safe is its own reward.
上帝保佑那个笨蛋圣徒
God bless that saintly doughball.
够了 我要给春田镇过路协管一笔实际预算
That's it, I'm giving Springfield's crossing guards an actual budget.
不是出于自私的政♥治♥原因
Not for self-serving political reasons,
而是作为一个有原则的人 想为世界做点好事
but because I'm a man of principle who wants to do good in the world.
乔瑟夫 轮到你走性♥爱♥棋了
Joseph, your turn on the sex chess board.
没有国王我们玩不好
We can't very well play without our king.
但本象愿意一试
Though the bishop may try.
春田小学
我们的英雄 感谢你们
瞧瞧这些橙色马甲
Wow, look at all this orange swag.
这才刚刚开始
And that's just the beginning.
现在你们会得到一份全职工作
Now you'll be getting a full-time salary.
我滴个乖乖
Ah, sweet cellophane Sally.
先是在国际象棋主题的性狂欢
First, I get paid to be the timer
当计时员赚了一笔 现在又摊上这好事
at a chess-themed sex orgy, and now this.
侯默 是你的英雄主义带领我们齐聚于此
Homer, as the fella whose heroism got us here,
我任命你为过路协管队长
I nominate you as crossing guard captain.
瞧瞧我家的制♥服♥帅男
Look at my handsome man in uniform.
怎么说呢 侯默
I don't know, Homer.
戴徽章的都是一群渴望权力
The only people that wear badges are power-hungry chumps
欺负弱小的混♥蛋♥们
who want to keep the little guy down.
你说的是超♥市♥的那个保安吗
Are you talking about that security guard at the supermarket?
我没想搞坏口香糖机
I wasn't trying to break the gumball machine.
我只想摇出紫色的
I was just trying to shake out a purple.
爸爸 我为你感到自豪
Well, I'm proud of you, Dad.
志愿服务社区是最崇高的使命
Volunteering to serve the community is the highest calling there is.
你知道更崇高的是什么吗
You know what's even better?
志愿赚钱 我们现在拿全职薪水了
Volunteering for money. We're getting paid now.
我甚至拿到了能雇十个护卫的预算
I even got a budget for ten more guards.
我要组一支最精干的部队
And I'm only gonna hire the best and the brightest.
新人们
All right, rookies.
你们中不是所有人都能通过训练的
Not all of you are going to make it through training.
向左看 向右看
Look to your left, now look to your right.
这就是你们观察车辆来往的方式
That's how you know if a car is coming.
训练到此结束
That concludes your training.
侯默 你救了我家拉尔夫一命 我感激不尽
Heya, Homer. I-I can't thank you enough for saving my Ralphy's life.
应该的 警长 这是我的工作职责
Of course, Chief. Just doing my job.
如果你需要处理停车罚单
If you ever need a parking ticket thrown out
或者想检测某人留下的DNA 跟我说就行
or someone else's DNA left somewhere, you just let me know.
队长
Yarr, captain.
他没有经过你的同意就越过人行道
He didn't seek your permission to cross the seven stripes.
协管员司徒认为他在看不起你
Crossing guard Stu thinks he's undermining you.
哪着火了 兄弟
Where's the fire, buddy?
先生 你知道刚才你走得有多快吗
Do you know how jay you were walking there, sir?
我不懂你的意思
I-I-I don't know what that means.
好了 自作聪明的家伙
All right, wise guy,
我需要你走上马路牙子
I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the curb.
把脚放在我能看到的位置
And keep your feet where I can see them.
我都看不到我的脚
I can't even see them.
先生 冷静
Sir, calm down.
听着 这次给你个警告就算了
Look, I can let you off with a warning this time,
但你要记着 这些街道是我的地盘
but just so you know, I run these streets.
什么 你才不是 是我管
I... what? No, you don't, I do.
我管马路牙子之间的地方 懂了吗
Well, I run all the parts between the curbs. Got it?
这东西不错
Ooh, these are nice.
归我了
I'm gonna hold onto them,
除非你有什么意见
unless you have a problem with that?
完全没问题 协管长们
Yeah, no, no problem at all, um, uh, "cross-ifer."
祝你们今天愉快
Just have-have a nice day.
该死的协管员们
Stupid crossing guards,
觉得自己穿个橙马甲了不起了
think they're so tough with their cool orange vests.
侯默·杰·辛普森队长又一次维护了街道安全
Another curb kept safe by captain Homer J. Simpson.
伙计们呢
Boys?
仅限过路协管
这是你要的大杯 小尖嗓
H-Here's that pitcher you asked for, squeaky voice.
是尖嗓先生 菜鸟
That's Mr. Teen to you, rookie.
这些新人不懂尊重前辈
These new guys got no respect.
跟三周前的我们差远了
It ain't like when we started three weeks ago.
侯默 我到处找你
Homer, I've been trying to reach you.
停在那儿 史金纳
Whoa, there, Skinner.
这个酒吧现在只接待过路协管
This bar is crossing guards only now.
连莱尼和卡尔现在都进不来了
I don't even let Lenny and Carl in here no more.
好吧 但你看见我发的紧急备忘录了吗
Yeah, but did you read my urgent memo?
明天学校要办科学展 卖♥♥甜点 拍毕业照
Tomorrow is the science fair, bake sale, and picture day.
早上的交通会很繁忙
Morning drop-off will be very challenging.
我不是想教你做事之类的...
Now, uh, I'm not telling you how to do your job...
你在教我做事吗
Are you telling me how to do my job?
不 我才说过 我不是在教你做事
No, I specifically said I'm not telling you how to do your job.
差不多了 什么什么校长
That's enough, Principal what's-ya-face.
行人不准进入这间酒吧
No pedestrians allowed.
但是侯默 明天出差错的话会引起大混乱的
But, Homer, if we don't get this right, it could be pandemonium.
还大混乱呢
Pandemonium.
交通末日
现场一片混乱 我是阿尼·派
It's pandemonium, folks. This is Arnie Pye,
我正在小学门口混乱♥交♥通的正上空
reporting live high above an elementary school traffic jam
现场正演变为一场灾难
turned all-out scholastic fracas.
当然 我们相信报酬丰厚的过路协管们
Surely this town's handsomely paid crossing guards
一定有能力平息这场周一清晨的混乱
can bring order to this Monday morning mayhem.
大家停下
Guys, stop it!
打架解决不了问题
The punching is making things worse.
不要逼我吹哨子
Don't make me blow my whistle at you.
辛普森队长 暴♥动♥人群一直在甩我车子
Captain Simpson, the shaking of my car is dangerously close to
过氧化氢 酵母和洗涤剂要危险混合了
mixing the hydrogen peroxide, yeast, and dish soap within.
所以呢
So?
这些成分能制♥造♥出一个有趣但危险的物质
Those ingredients create a fascinating yet volatile substance
过氧化氢 酵母 洗涤剂
叫做...
known as...
...泡泡喷泉
...elephant toothpaste.
这是有史以来最耗经费 破坏性最强
This was the most expensive, destructive,
自同位素队夺冠以来最令人厌恶的事件了
and disgusting riot since the Isotopes won the pennant.
同位素加油
Go Topes.
过路协管队长侯默·辛普森
Crossing guard captain Homer Simpson,
你对此有何看法
what do you have to say for yourself?
怎么办 该给谁甩锅 精英海军部队吗
Ooh! What can I do? Who can I blame? Coastal elites?
左翼社♥会♥主♥义♥分子 巴仔 我知道了
Avocado socialists? The boy? I've got it.
市长先生 要怪就得怪
Mr. Mayor, the blame falls squarely on the shoulders
过路协管们 不充足的预算
of the crossing guards...'s inadequate budget.
我们需要更多预算
We need more money!
更多预算
More money?
培训费 设备费 还有加班费
More money for training, for equipment, for overtime,
这样孩子们就可以安全过马路了
so that your children can cross the street safely
凌晨3点也可以
at 3:00 A.M. if they want to.
给一个存在严重缺陷的机构投钱肯定会奏效
Throwing money at a deeply flawed institution is bound to work.
你们都吸指纹粉吸上头了吗
Um, have you all been huffing evidence powder?
侯默·辛普森和他的座椅小丑们
Homer Simpson and his chair-jockeys
这次彻底搞砸了
royally screwed the pooch on this one.
现在你们还想给他更多的钱
And now you want to give him more money?
这完全没有道理
That makes absolutely no sense.
听好了 正义战士
Listen up, wokester.
我们的队伍
Guys like me are the last line of defense
是你们的孩子和开车发短♥信♥的家伙之间
between your school kids and guys like me
最后的防线
who text when they drive.
如果你不愿意
And if you don't like it,
就横穿马路回波特兰去
you can jaywalk your ass back to Portland.
什么鬼
Wha...?
赞成在此案上做政♥治♥180度转变
All in favor of me pulling a political 180 on this issue
并且给过路协管一张支票的人请说同意
辛普森一家
The Simpsons
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