辛普森一家
The Simpsons S35E08
Part 1
March 18, 2024, 8:42 p.m.
《辛普森一家》
第三十五季 第八集
春田小学
恭喜学生在全国贫血大塞上荣获第石名
集♥合♥了 小鼻涕虫们
Hustle up, snot rockets.
今天我们要训练
Today we start a unit
你们生理和心理的忍♥耐力
that will test your physical and emotional endurance.
如果成功 你们就会变成男人
It will make men of you, if you survive.
我说的项目 正是交际舞
I speak of social dancing.
要是跟女孩跳舞的话 那就不得不碰她们了
If we dance with girls, that means we'll have to touch them.
妈妈说只有愚民才戴口罩 但我不管了
My mom says only sheeple wear masks, but I don't care.
虱子可不是闹着玩的 真的有
Cooties aren't a hoax. They're real.
长大点 成熟起来
Grow up. Maturity.
成年仪式 改变很美丽
Rite of passage. Change is beautiful.
你们今天要学习触摸版本的德州两步舞
You will learn the touchiest version of the Texas two-step.
就像这样
Like so.
尽量贴在一起
Get real close, boys!
身体贴贴身体 别留缝隙
Body to body. No daylight.
我们肯定会得虱子的
We're gonna get cooties for sure.
我得找个办法保护我们
I'm gonna find a way to protect us.
我回来之前大家都独舞
Everyone solo dance till I get back.
没钱请不起护士
忍♥忍♥病就好了
教师专用
完美
Perfect.
快点 把这些绷带贴在手上
Quick, put these band-aids on your hands.
这样就可以防止女生接触了
They'll block any and all girl contact.
给我给我
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
我感觉不太好
Oh, I don't feel so good.
这些绷带闻起来像我的克劳德叔叔的味道
Oh, these band-aids smell like my uncle Claude.
成瘾者之选
尼古丁贴片
教师的力量
皮肤可吸收的
Transdermal
尼 古 丁
nic... o... tine!
《社会科学》
巴仔 你这回可真是搞了个大的
Well, Bart, you've really wet the mogwai this time.
不是我的错
This wasn't my fault.
我又不知道那些绷带会把他们搞疯
I didn't know those band-aids would make everyone crazy.
留校室
你觉得我会相信吗
You expect me to believe that?
巴仔·辛普森 恶搞之王
Bart Simpson, the prank king?
曾经将我的结肠镜检查直播给二年级学生的人
The boy who live streamed my colonoscopy to the second graders?
拉尔夫不还帮你找到一个息肉呢吗
Hey, Ralph did find that polyp.
硬核留校室
是良性的
It was benign.
而你的惩罚可不良
Unlike your punishment.
行 别信我 从来没人相信我 放马过来吧
Fine, don't believe me. No one ever believes me. Do your worst.
欢迎来到顶级留校室
Welcome to supermax detention.
我罪不至此啊
Your worst was did.
你看了那个加拿大跳舞小子的视频吗
Did you see that video with the dancing Canadian boy?
看了 挺好
Yeah. Cute.
你看了那个"意想不到的动物朋友"视频是...
Did you see the "unlikely animal friends" video with the...
浣熊骑着马乱跑那个 真不错
Raccoon and horse riding around. Good for them.
是啊 真有意思
Mm-hmm, they'll do that.
电子请帖
侯默 有人邀请我们参加婚礼
Homer, we just got invited to a wedding...
在波科诺斯
in the Poconos.
是旅行结婚
It's a destination wedding.
我天 不是吧 -咋了
Oh, God, no. - What?
让我来给你讲一讲旅行结婚
Let me educate you about destination weddings.
或者用我的话说 强行旅游
Or, as I like to call them, forced vacations.
首先你得横跨半个美国
You fly halfway across the country
就为了在不是周日的时候坐在教堂里
to sit in a boring church, not on Sunday.
然后你要被困在一个破旅馆里整整两天
Then you're stuck in a lousy hotel for a whole weekend
周围是一群你不认识的人
with a bunch of people you don't know,
或者是你认识而且特别讨厌的人
or you do know and you hate.
而这一切只是刚刚开始
And that's just the beginning.
到时候会有"迎宾酒"
First there's the "welcome drinks,"
里面的"招牌鸡尾酒"里
where the "signature cocktail" has a...
有黄瓜
cucumber in it.
而且这次还是在波科诺斯
And this one's in the Poconos,
超乱市场
听起来像岛屿 其实就是宾州
which sounds like islands, but it's just Pennsylvania.
你还被逼着去做所有预排好的活动
And you're forced to do all these preplanned activities,
就像你太胖而用不上的拉链
like a zipline you're too fat to use.
接着他们还得拉来一辆电线斗卡车把你救下来
And they have to bring in a telephone bucket truck to get you down!
然后在婚后早午餐上
And at the after-wedding brunch,
所有人都会叫你小鸟·拉不上·拉链
everyone calls you Johnny Zipline.
再然后他们会当着所有人面拆礼物
And they open the presents in front of everybody,
于是大家都能从在线登记处知道你的是最便宜的
so they all know from the online registry yours is the cheapest.
最后以上这些都超级贵
And it's all super expensive,
所以你不得不把所有的航行里程都浪费在上面
so you have to waste all the airline miles you got
因为你的信♥用♥卡♥被诈骗犯偷走了
when your credit card was stolen by scammers,
买♥♥了价值五万美金的打印机碳粉
who bought $50,000 of printer toner!
对了 就是这个 买♥♥碳粉攒的里程
Of course. Yes. The toner miles.
我们可以用来飞去婚礼
We can use them to fly to the wedding.
靠北 我滔滔不绝这么久诶
Oh... but my rant.
侯默·辛普森 我能想到最浪漫的事
Homer Simpson, I can't think of anything more romantic
就是一家人被运往魔幻布景
than transporting ourselves to a magical setting
庆祝新的爱情
to celebrate a new love.
我们去定了
We are going.
好了 给你
There. Done.
有机实验室青蛙酱
再清洁一次
Clean it again.
一点都不公平 我什么都没做错
Ugh! This isn't fair. I didn't do anything wrong.
我唯一的罪过就是我不想跟傻妞跳舞
My only crime is I didn't want to do dancing with some stupid girls!
妞 这是你在这里的原因吗
Girls? That's why you're here?
男人起来 小子
Be a man, boy.
不要为了什么爱人苦了自己
Don't fall apart over some lassie
丝绸般的秀发和让人迷失的酒窝
with silky hair and a dimple you could get lost in
正如无止境的甜蜜
like a bottomless pit of sweetness that...
感觉好多了
Oh, that feels better.
你要不要聊聊这个姑娘
So, you want to tell me about this girl?
请入雅座
Take a seat.
一切都发生在苏格兰 在我年轻的时候
It all happened in Scotland, in me youth.
有个我钟意的姑娘 梅茜
There was this girl that I loved. Maisie.
我以为她也爱我
I thought she loved me back.
可她却碎了我的心
But she broke my heart.
这就是为什么我来美国
That's why I came to America,
这个充斥着狂热摔跤爱好者的贫瘠之地
blighted land of barbenheimmering wrestling believers.
为了忘记让威利伤心的善变的姑娘
To forget the fickle lass who let Willie down.
还有所有女人
And all women!
与你同在 兄弟
I'm with you, brother.
谁需要女孩
Who needs girls?
现在咱们同仇敌忾
Now we're rage-bonding.
男人不让男人失望
Men don't let men down.
这是我们的声音
This is how we express emotion!
囊地鼠诱饵
#囊地鼠癖好
#瓷器好基友
#地板上蜡鸡
阿壳汉堡
威利
#追逐气氛组
威利 抄上独轮车
Willie, get your wheelbarrow.
你绝不相信他们从医院往外扔了啥东西
You won't believe what they threw out at the hospital.
拖把
威利 威利
Huh? Willie? Willie?
西摩 威利不见了 我哪也找不着他
Seymour, Willie's gone. I can't find him anywhere.
威利一直玩消失
Ha. Willie disappears all the time.
估计正烂醉躺在郊区哪条臭水沟里
He's probably drunk in a ditch on the outskirts of town.
右边郊区
左边市区
老天爷啊 威利
Oh, my God. Willie?
然后吧就是那些个诡异的婚礼周末炮
And then there's all the creepy wedding weekend hook-ups,
然后又得参加一场旅行结婚
which lead to the next destination wedding.
爸爸 振作起来
Dad, snap out of it.
威利出事了
Something's happened to Willie.
有人毁了他的小屋 我现在哪都找不到他
Someone trashed his shack, and I can't find him anywhere.
威利来电
是他 -巴仔 我最好的朋友
It's him. - Bart, my wee bestie.
马克威尔登酿酒厂
我在爱丁堡 我需要你 救命
I'm in Edinburgh. I need you. Help!
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