泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E01

Part 7 Jan. 15, 2024, 7:35 p.m.

艾森豪威尔说我们都得待在屋里
Eisenhower says we all gotta stay inside!
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
泰迪快下来好吗
- Ted, get down here, OK?
我不想这样和你说话
I'm not gonna talk to you like this.
那就难办了
Yeah, well, tough shit.
我从现在起就住这儿了
I'm gonna live up here from now on.
这简直太疯狂了你是疯了吧
That's insane. You're insane.
不我没有
No, I'm not.
我让约翰尼给我拿吃的说不定还能拿点土
I'll get Johnny to bring me food and maybe even soil
我就能在雨漕里种庄稼了
so I can grow crops right here in the rain gutter
如果天气暖和到了丰收季节
And if the weather's temperate, by harvest season,
我就可以
I'll be able to --
草
Fuck!
你个小杂种你麻烦大了
OK, you little shit, you are in a lot of trouble.
听着这
Look, it was --
你给一个16岁的孩子大♥麻♥
You gave pot to a 16-year-old
你到底在想什么呢
I mean, what the fuck were you thinking?
想想好的一面他可乐在其中了
Well, on the bright side, he loved it.
那大♥麻♥我是卖♥♥给你的
I sold that pot to you.
那你真不该卖♥♥给我的
Yeah, you were wrong to do that.
现在让未成年表弟
You do realize I am now responsible
接触毒品就成了我的错了
for introducing drugs to my underage cousin?
我或许会惹上大♥麻♥烦的
I could be in really deep shit here.
亲娘一直长这么高一定很酷吧
Boy, it must be cool being this tall all the time.
给我处理掉那些大♥麻♥不然我发誓
Get rid of that weed or so help me God,
我会把你扔进烘干机
you are going in the fucking dryer.
那有什么的我难道没进过烘干机
Oh, big deal. I've been in dryers.
我会把你放进马蒂的脏衣服堆里
I'll put you in a Matty load.
该死我听你的我听你的
OK, fuck. I'll do it. I'll do it.
我们把大♥麻♥藏在我的储物柜里
OK. So we plant the weed in my locker.
然后你去校长那里告发我
Then you go to the principal and rat me out.
她会来检查我的储物柜然后我就能回家看电视了
She searches my locker, and boom, it's back to Plinko
好-先等等先等等
All right. - Not yet, not yet.
我们得等上课铃响
We gotta wait till the bell rings.
好抱歉装的自然一点
- Yeah, sorry. - Just act normal.
我们现在只是俩小伙伴
Right now, we're just two guys
站在这儿聊聊天
standing here, having a conversation
好
Yeah.
聊什么
About what?
不知道你最近看过什么电影
I don't know. Uh, what's the last movie you saw?
《劫后余生》-哪一部
- Uh, " Alive." - Which one's that?
是一个橄榄球队在70年代的安第斯山脉
Oh, it's the one where the rugby team crashes
发生空难1 他们没有食物了
in the And es in the'7 Os and they ran out of food
就只能吃掉彼此
so they had to eat each other.
你开玩笑吧-不: 这是真实事件
- You're kidding. - No, it's a true story.
像交易一样互相交换着生吃吗
Like --like, eat each other alive like they're trading?
就比如我把手给你你把脚给我
Like, you give me your hand, I give you my foot?
不不是的
No, no.
就是有些人死在空难里了
It's like some of the guys died in the crash
然后活下来的人就得吃掉他们的尸体
and then the ones that survived had to eat the dead guys.
天哪这我绝对做不到
Oh, man. Yeah, I--I couldn't do that.
我也是
Me neither, man.
再说了那全是男的这就更糟了
Plus, it's all dudes, so it's even worse.
是啊什么
Yeah --what?
全是男的啊
It's all dudes, you know?
吃脏兮兮的臭男人更更恶心了
You're eating guys. It's like double gross.
我是说
Well, I mean --I mean,
我以为不管男女都会难以接受的
I would think it would be objectionable across the board.
不的确是只是相比而言
No, no. Yeah, it would. It's just like a hat on a hat
那如果你乘坐的飞机发生了空难
So if you were on a plane that crashed
汤姆·汉克斯和黛安·基顿也在上面
and Tom Hanks and Diane Keaton were on it too,
他们死了你还活着
and they died and you survived,
你会先吃谁
who would you eat first?
除了他们飞机上就只有我一个人吗
Am I the only other person on the plane?
是的-机长呢
- Yeah. - What about the pilots?
是架实验飞机全自动的
It's an experimental aircraft, all automated.
也许这就是它坠毁的原因了
Well, maybe that's why it went down.
但这项技术还需要深入研究没错
But the technology still needed more study, yes
但五角大楼已经不耐烦了
but the Pentagon was getting impatient
想要个结果所以就把发射时间提前
and they wanted results, so they pushed up the launch.
慢着他们为什么不找个经验丰富的机组人员
Wait, why wouldn't they have a seasoned flight crew on board
而是找了两位演员呢
instead of two actors?
得过奥斯卡奖的演员
Oscar-winning actors.
有道理-这些可都是纳税人的钱
Fair enough. - These are taxpayer dollars.
他们需要引起公众兴趣
They need the public's interes
或者支持以免资金枯竭
or support for the funding dries up
等等什么时候军方开始需要公众支持
Wait, since when does the military need public support
来资助实验飞机了
to fund experimental aircraft?
你是会吃汤姆·汉克斯还是戴安·基顿
Would you eat Tom Hanks or Diane Keaton?
我会从戴安吃起
I'd start with Diane
要还是没获救
and then if I didn't get rescued
就会去吃汤姆
I'd move on to Tom.
没错看到没
Yeah, see?
我认为你能给出个答案这件事
I think it's weird that you have an opinion
本身就很奇怪
one way or the other.
好开始东西给我
OK. Here we go. Let me have it.
天我们是真的要干这事了哈
Man, we really put a dent in this thing, didn't we?
这什么啊
Whoa. What have we got here?
靠
Oh, shit.
本内特你也吸啊
Bennett, you partake?
还我克莱夫
Give it back, Clive.
约翰·本内特嗨了哦
John Bennett gets high.
也许你没我想象中的那么怂
May be you're not as much of a pussy as I thought.
那包大♥麻♥很重要
That is a very important bag of weed
现在我知道上哪儿能搞到免费畅吸了
Now, I know where to get a free buzz.
谢啦兄弟
Thanks, Bud.
该死克莱夫
- God damn it, Clive
我们需要那包大♥麻♥
We need that weed!
泰迪
Teddy!
该死-泰迪你没事吧
- Shit. - Teddy, are you OK?
你俩跟外面干嘛呢
What the hell are you two doing out here?
快去上课
Get to class now.
《227号♥公♥寓♥》烂透了你也一样
Um, "227" sucks balls and so do you.
好吧你知道我不是那个意思
O K, now, you know I didn't mean that.
我只是需要个被带进来的理由
I just needed a reason to be dragged in here.
听好你说我什么都行泰迪
Look, you can trash-talk me, Ted,
但谁都不能说珀尔·赛伊坏话
but nobody throws shade at Pearl Shay.
是我道歉
Yes. I apologize.
我们都受益于她的独到见解
We have all benefited from her windowsill wisdom.
她就是个国宝
She is a national treasure.
但是听着你一定要把我赶出学校
But listen, you gotta kick me out of school.
泰迪我已经跟你说过了
Ted, I already told you.
我有大♥麻♥
I have weed.
什么
What?
我在这所学校里
I am in possession of marijuana
持有大♥麻♥
here on school premises.
能让我看下吗
May I see it?
我搞丢了
Well, I--I lost it.
丢了
You lost it?
是但他有过大♥麻♥ 好吗
Yeah, but --but he had weed, all right?
我作证
I'm a witness.
我得亲眼看到大♥麻♥
I would need to see the marijuana
才会给予处罚
for there to be consequences.
我们说的是真话
Look, we are telling you the truth.
是啊我就是个害群之马明白吗
Yea h, I'm a bad seed. See? Look.
我爱你
I love you.
毒品
Drugs!
我爱毒品
I love drugs.
抱歉孩子们
I'm sorry, boys.
我不能就这么听取片面之词
I can't just take your word that you have pot.