泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E03

Part 7 Jan. 17, 2024, 11:49 a.m.

哦我的天哪
Oh! Oh, my God!
我真是松了一口气 -那就好
Oh, I'm so relieved! Good.
我还以为马蒂厌倦了我
I thought Matty was bored with me.
布莱尔
Oh, Blaire.
我
I- - ew.
你怎么会有一部黄♥片♥
Why did you have a porn?
还是说色情片吧
I would say a porn- o.
听起来舒服点
Just hits the ear better.
你干嘛要看色情片
Why were you watching porn- o?
这样的话还是说黄♥片♥好些
Well, OK, in that context, you'd say porn.
如果前面是加了量词的语境
See, if there's an article in front of it like an"a"
那就说一部色情片
or a"the, "it's a porno.
如果没有就是黄♥片♥
But if not, it's just porn.
我还是别说了
I'm just not going to say it anymore.
好吧听着你问我的问题
OK. Look, to answer your question, it
那是女生联谊会要用的
it was a sorority thing.
我们租了一部小黄♥片♥
We rented a dirty movie.
你也知道姐妹会什么样子
It was you know how sororities are.
那就是个恶作剧
It's like a prank.
原来是个恶作剧
Oh! Oh, it was a prank.
是的 -哦
Yeah. Oh!
那么我和马蒂没事儿了
So Matty and I are just fine!
我想说这一点不是问题
I would say this one thing isn't a problem.
不过
But it's
我觉得应该是还需努力
well, I'd call it a work in progress.
我想告诉你苏珊阿姨
And for the record, Aunt Suze,
我觉得永远没人会厌倦你的
I don't think anybody ever could be bored with you.
马蒂只是不擅长沟通
Matty is not great at communication.
但他除非是瞎子或是疯了
But unless he's completely blind or insane,
他一定爱你爱到骨子里
I bet he still loves you a whole lot.
来抱抱
Come here. Mm.
我希望有一天你也能找到你的马蒂
I hope one day, you'll find your Matty.
这个吧
Oh, that's- -
我会过的很好的
I'm going to be just fine.
我们来祈祷
Let's pray.
我们要去哪儿呢泰迪
Where are we going to go, Teddy?
我在考虑沙特阿♥拉♥伯
I was thinking Saudi Arabia.
听说在那儿大家都不羞耻于自♥慰♥
I hear nobody's ashamed to masturbate there.
你觉得家里人都在干什么
What do you think they're doing back at the house?
或许和我们做着一样的事吧不过是用桌子
Probably the same thing we're doing but with a table
天哪
God.
我们就看了一丢丢黄♥片♥ 就毁掉了我们的人生
We watched six seconds of porn and it ruined our lives.
放轻松了废柴们
Relax, losers.
你们的人生没有被毁掉
Your lives aren't ruined.
目前为止
Yet.
布莱尔
Blaire.
你在我眼里简直在发光真的
Oh, you're a sight for sore eyes, you are.
我的天哪看你出落得多标志
Good Lord, look how you've grown.
你怎么找到我们的
How'd you find us?
那段口琴声实在余音绕梁
Uh, harmonica music really carries.
听着你们不用担心色情片的事了
Listen, uh, you don t have to worry about the porno,
好吗
all right?
我帮你们背了黑锅
I took the heat for you.
什么
What?
我告诉苏珊阿姨那盘磁带是我的
I told Aunt Suze that the tape was mine.
你们可以回家了
You can come home now.
布莱尔你竟为了我们这样做
Blaire, you- - you did that for us?
也不是我是为了苏珊
Uh, no. I really did it for Susan.
她以为是马蒂的已经够难过了
She was upset enough because she thought it was Matty's.
要是被她发现是你们的或许要哭上一整年了
If she found out it was yours, she'd probably cry for a year.
我的老天爷啊布莱尔太感谢你了
Jesus Christ, Blaire. Thank you so much.
行吧
Yeah.
我们欠你个大人情
We really owe you big time.
你知道就好
Oh, yeah, you do.
把你的火扑灭咱们这就离开
Now, put out your dumb fire and let's get out of here.
我喜欢这主意你知道吗
I love that plan. Because you know what?
我们要把色情片还回去
We got a porno to return.
我还要告诉你
And I'll tell you one thing.
我再也不看黄♥片♥了
I would never watch porn again.
就算它随处可见随时都在
Even if it was everywhere, all the time.
就算我口袋里就装着一个奇怪的小装置
Even if I had, like, a weird, little device in my pocket
能够随时给我爽一发
that would give it to me whenever I wanted
让我随时随地打飞机
so I could jerk off at a moment's notice.
我也不再也不会了
No. Never again.
约翰遵守了诺言
narrator: John kept his promise.
守了两年
For the next two years.
然后当他发现了互联网的存在
Then, within five minutes of discovering the internet,
他就急吼吼的捞出他的小弟
he pulled on his penis so hard,
差点就扯掉了
it damn near came off.
这并没有阻止他
That didn't deter him
又多来了四次
from masturbating four more times
直到他被送进了当地的急救中心
before going to a local urgent care,
他排在几十个男人后面
where he waited eight hours
整整等了八个小时
in line behind dozens of other men
他们和他一样刚刚发现了互联网的存在
who had also nearly pulled their penises off
就急吼吼的差点扯掉自己的小弟
after discovering the internet.
到现在的今天任何和你说话的人
And now, today, anyone you talk to
都在20分钟前刚刚来了一发
has jerked off within the last 20 minutes.
我是伊恩·麦克莱恩
This is Ian McKellen,
提醒你一句千万别和别人握手
reminding you: don't shake anyone's hand.
晚安
Good night
♪你满脑子都是那个讨人厌的人♪
♪Oh, you've got a headful of someone dreadful♪
♪唉呀可是那人却如此钟意你♪
♪And yet, alas, that someone adores you♪
♪每个人都需要一个好朋友♪
♪Everybody needs a best friend ♪
♪很高兴我是你的♪
♪I'm happy I'm yours♪
♪我只是个小丑♪
♪I'm just a clown♪
♪我会将你击倒♪
♪And I'll bring you down♪
♪但你不会在意因为♪
♪But you just don't care'cause your♪
♪我是你最好的朋友♪
♪Best friend is me♪