泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E02

Part 2 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:30 p.m.

我没有啊
No, I didn't.
我叫你把我带到街对面的商场门口了
Well, I had you drop me off across the street at the mall.
我不想让你担心
I didn't want to worry you.
再说了你也需要件内搭
And plus you needed undershirts,
乔丹·马什百货店正在打折
and Jordan Marsh was having a sale.
这也太逗了
This is hilarious.
你这么害怕这个手术苏阿姨甚至都没告诉你
You're afraid of a procedure Aunt Sue's got done
自己就去做了
without even telling you.
我不记得去接过你啊
I don't remember picking you up.
我走回家的 -她还是走回家的
I walked home. - She walked home.
几英里而已
It's just a couple of miles.
虽然腿没啥知觉了
Couldn't feel my legs anyway,
所以鞋弄湿了也感觉不到
so it didn't matter if my pumps got slushy.
马蒂你要怎么做
Well, Matty, it's your move.
我要去拿杯酒
My move is I'm getting a beer.
我的检查结果没有问题
My results were negative.
天哪他看上去好忧心忡忡啊
Oh gosh, he seems so worried.
我真希望特遣队是真实存在的
Man, I wish the A- Team was real.
我们就能吧克莱夫揍的屁滚尿流
That way we could hire him to beat the shit out of Clive.
克莱夫是谁
Who's Clive?
学校里那个欺负我们的混♥蛋♥
This fucking goon at school who picks on us.
穆丽尔的儿子克莱夫吗
Is that Muriel's son Clive?
不知道诶穆丽尔的儿子是个恋小便的
I don't know, is Muriel's son a sadistic steroid bully
施虐狂恶霸肥仔吗
with a pee fetish?
那可怜孩子
Oh, that poor boy.
他从小没有父亲
He doesn't have a father, you know.
他在克莱夫出生前
Oh yeah, he walked out on Muriel
就抛弃了穆丽尔
before Clive was even born.
或许因此他才总是不开心吧
It's probably why he's so unhappy
这个典型的自我防御机制
It's a classic defense mechanism.
不停的伤害别人
Hurt people hurt people.
等等等等你的意思是
Wait, wait, wait, are you saying
克莱夫是个私生子
Clive is a bastard child?
他妈妈很善良呢
His mother is so sweet.
独自带大他一定很艰难
Must be hard.
约翰尼我们一直想要抓住他的小辫子
Johnny, we have been blessed with information
好用来对付他
we can weaponize.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
如果是捣蛋双宝会怎么做
What would the Jerky Boys do?
好了找到了
AII right, found it
555-3816
555- 3816.
我们绝对会把这家伙整的哭爹喊娘
Oh, we are going to fuck this guy's head up so bad.
你好
Hello?
克莱夫我是你爹
Clive, this is your father.
什么 -我是你爹
What? - I'm your father.
我在你还小的时候抛弃了你
I abandoned you when you were a baby.
真抱歉我过得很不顺
Sorry about that. I had a rough day.
爸真的是你吗
Dad, is this really you?
是的克莱夫
Yes, Clive.
我他妈绝对是你爹
This is so totally fucking your dad.
爸我就知道你会打来的
Dad, I knew you'd call someday.
我妈说你不会但我就知道你会的
Mom said you wouldn't, but I just knew it.
你在哪儿
Where are you?
我能见见你吗
I mean, can I meet you?
天哪他想见面
Holy shit, he wants to meet.
这情景太经典了
This is fucking classic.
我要怎么说 -答应他
What do I say? - Say yes.
让他明天在弗莱利餐厅见你
Tell him to meet you at Friendly's tomorrow.
好啊明天放学去弗莱利餐厅
Yeah, sure, be at Friendly's tomorrow after school.
要穿水手服
And wear a sailor suit.
水手服
A sailor suit?
是啊我参加过海军
Yeah, I spent some time in the Navy,
我对此很有感情
so it's sentimental for me, you know.
我参加过战争 -什么战争
I fought in the war. - Whoa. Which one?
你说的对朋友
You got that right, my friend.
但我不想太想谈这个
I don't like talking about it though,
尤其是谈到细节
especially in specifics.
天哪太酷了
Man, that's so cool.
要穿一套真正的水手服
And I mean a real sailor suit, all right?
就像杰克爆米花盒子上的小孩穿的那样
Like the kid on the Cracker Jack box.
我要从哪儿弄到水手服啊
But where do I get a sailor suit?
你这是跟我顶嘴吗
You back talking me?
你这不听话的态度就是我离开的根本原因
See, this smart mouth attitude is exactly why I left.
对不起对不起老爸我会穿的我保证
Sorry. No, I'm sorry, Dad. No, I'll do it. I promise.
这还差不多
That's more like it.
叫他说啊嗬
Tell him to say ahoy.
你到那儿之后要对别人说啊嗬
Oh yeah, and say ahoy to people when you get there.
好的老爸我等不及要见你了
OK. Dad, I can't wait to meet you.
你就好好期待着吧小老弟
Yeah, get those hopes sky high, buddy.
我爱你
I love you- -
我的天哪太爽了
Oh, my God, that was fucking amazing.
爽翻天了
That was great.
他去的时候我们得过去看看
Well, we got to be there when he shows up.
绝对的等等等等我们不能去
Totally. Wait, wait, no, no, we can't.
他会看到我们然后揍我们一顿的
He'll see us and he'll kick our asses.
他不会的
No, he won't.
这样很好这计划好极了
This was good. This was a good plan.
现在就大家所知
OK, now as far as anyone knows,
我们是两个哈特福特来此出差的广♥告♥经理
we're two ad executives on a business trip from Hartford
来寻找一些当地的人才 -没错
looking for some local talent. Right.
继续上奶昔啊
Hey, keep these milkshakes coming, huh?
好啊 -我们在庆祝呢
Sure thing. You know, we're celebrating.
刚拿下一个大客户帮庭
Just landed a big account. Bounty.
他们生产的纸巾特别出名
It's a very famous paper towel.
是呢我每天都用
Yep. I use them every day.
好极了
Oh, terrific.
你知道吗他们最初的广♥告♥语
Well, you know, originally the slogan
本来是一抹而光
was supposed to be the"quicker picker upper, "
然后我们把它改成了厚墩墩的一抹而光
but we added the word "thicker quicker picker upper. "
就这一句广♥告♥词全款拿下一栋避暑别♥墅♥
Bought a summer house with that one adjective.
恭喜 -是啊
Congratulations. Yeah.
我妻子总是拒我于千里之外就算我们在同一个房♥间
My wife's miles away, even when we're in the same room.
知道吗
You know,
她自从流产之后就不让我碰她了
she hasn't let me touch her since the miscarriage.
我马上拿你点的餐来
I'll be back with your Fribbles.
你搞什么啊
The fuck was that?
怎么了我这是进入角色
What do you mean? I'm just rolling with the area.
你说的这也太悲哀了老兄
That was fucking sad, dude.
真抱歉我想要给我们的背景故事
Oh, forgive me for trying to add a little gravity
增加点沉重色彩不然你说为什么我们要出行
into the backstory, all right? I mean, why are we traveling?
增加色彩你简直让我想割腕
Gravity? I want to slit my wrist.
所以你就能说厚墩墩的一抹而光
So you get to be Mr. Thicker Picker Upper
我就什么都不能说吗
and Igot nothing to work with over here?
打扰了你要巧克力屑吗
Sorry, did you want sprinkles?
我们连名字都想好了宝宝房♥也喷好漆了
We picked out a name. The room was painted.
冷静点
Calm down.
不不所有人都这样说
No, no, that's what everyone says.
哀悼是我的权利
I get to grieve.
我的天哪快看
Oh, my God, look.
啊嗬
Ahoy.
我的天哪 -他还真穿了
Holy shit. He fucking wore it.
整理你的方巾吧
Yeah. Fix your kerchief.
就是这样这才是个水手样子
There you go. Now you're a proper seaman.
好了你准备好了吗 -好了
AlI right You ready? - Yep.
我要去了
I'm going in.
我过去之后别再和服务生聊天了
Oh, maybe don't talk to the waitress while I'm gone.
快去吧你
Just fucking go.
下午好这里是弗莱利餐厅 -你好
Good afternoon, Friendly's. - Yeah, hi.
我需要你帮我给你的
I need you to deliver a message
一个顾客传个口信
to one of your customers.