泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E04

Part 2 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:31 p.m.

我帮你们顶了黑锅啊
the porno you guys rented.
这关我啥事她又不是我老妈
What do I care? She's not my mom.
我妈妈是中国一个11岁的患关节炎的小孩
My mom's an 11- year- old kid in China with arthritis.
你怎么知道的
How do you know that?
因为她在我腿里缝了一张纸条
Because she sewed a note in my leg that says
写着她从来没吃过蔬菜
she's never had a vegetable
拜托泰迪你一定得载我
Come on, Ted. Please, you got to drive me.
今晚不行布莱尔
It's not a good night, Blaire.
我们有安排了
We got plans. - Yeah.
我要去洗个澡把自己弄得毛茸茸的
Now, I'm going to go shower and fluff myself,
这样我就能自信满满的
so I can be in a confident head space
嘲笑那些不给糖就捣蛋的小屁孩
to shame trick- or- treaters.
我越可爱杀伤力就越大
The cuter I look, the worse they feel.
护发素去哪儿了
Ah, where's the goddamn conditioner?
帮帮我
Help me.
当我的司机吧
Be my designated driver.
我的老天爷啊布莱尔你搞什么
Jesus Christ, Blaire, what the fuck!
怎么了
Well?
你什么毛病啊
What the fuck is wrong with you?
我光着呢 -你整天都是光着的
I'm naked. - You're always naked.
可我现在是在洗澡
Yeah, but I'm bathroom naked.
在洗我光溜溜的熊熊身体
I'm washing my bear parts.
快走开
Get lost.
帮帮我 -老天爷啊
Help me. - Ah, Jesus Christ!
载我去派对吧
Drive me to the party.
我说了不行别再吓唬我了
I said no. Stop fucking scaring me.
天哪
God!
很简单你答应我就好了啊
You can end this very easily, you know.
我不会被你勒索的
I will not be blackmailed.
没有什么比基尔肯尼山更加
There's nothing like the scent of the hills of Kilkenny
清新舒爽的味道了
to make you feel fresh.
我们将之放进每一块
And we put a bit of that into every bar
爱尔兰之春香皂中
of Irish Spring.
这广♥告♥太夸大其词了
This whole ad campaign is a bluff.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
就好像在说你知道什么味道好闻吗
It's like, you know who smells good?
爱尔兰
The Irish.
那个叫谢默斯·波义耳的演员也很好闻呢
Yeah, a guy named Seamus Boyle smells great.
这儿是不是很暖和啊
Is it warm in here?
的确很暖和
Yeah, it is kind of warm.
感觉像是有人调高了暖气
Yeah, it feels like somebody turned up the heat.
我去看看恒温器
I'm going to check the thermostat.
不等等 -怎么了
No, wait. - What?
是她
It's her.
是布莱尔
It's fucking Blaire.
你打开门她就会带着条白布蒙住眼睛
You open that door, she's going to be right there
出现在你面前
with that fucking blindfold.
我来把窗户打开
Here, I'll open a window.
帮帮我
Help me.
我帮你就是了我的天哪
All right, goddammit!
禁忌甜甜圈
Forbidden donut.
诶呦诶呦刚吃掉什么吗
Well, well, finishing something?
记住你一把这个吃完
Now, remember the instant you finish it
我的天哪
Oh, my Godl
你俩看上去好可爱啊
You two look so adorable
谢谢
Thank you.
来让我猜猜你们装扮的是谁
AlI right, let me guess who you are.
布莱尔你是蝙蝠侠
Blaire, you're Batman.
差不多是猫女
Close, Catwoman.
好的
OK.
泰迪你是《阿♥拉♥伯的劳伦斯》
And, Ted, you're Lawrence of Arabia.
嗯你说的没错
Yeah, that's exactly right.
好了别担心约翰尼
AlI right, now don't worry, Johnny.
我九点钟就回来对吧布莱尔
I'lI be back by 9: 00 Right Blaire?
我们说好了的 -行吧随便你
That was the deal. - Yeah, sure, whatever.
我们会错过第一轮的
We're going to miss the first round.
但那时候都是些小孩子
Yeah, but that's just the little kids.
我们还有大把时间羞辱青春期小孩
We'll have plenty of time to shame the puberty crowd.
行吧
Yeah, I guess.
好了我们得走了
OK, well, we got to go.
好的你们俩
AlI right you two.
好好玩啊
You have a fun time now.
约翰尼别愁眉苦脸的
Oh, Johnny, don't look so sad.
我给你准备了一个有趣的小惊喜
I have a fun surprise for you.
是什么
What is it?
我在房♥间里藏了一个巧克力棒
I've hidden a Heath bar somewhere in this house.
能给我个提示吗
Can I get a hint?
哎我怎么能这么为难你呢
Oh, I can't do this to you.
就在篮子里
It's in the hamper.
我去拿
I'll go get it.
布莱尔
Blaire!
我的天哪 -你可真漂亮
Oh, my God. - You look so good.
你看上去美极了
You look so good.
你们看上去好棒啊
Oh, you guys look amazing.
你才是好看极了 -美死了
You look amazing. - Stunning.
他是泰迪
This is Ted.
泰迪你认识莎拉
Ted, you know Sarah.
她是佩吉
And this is Paige. - Hey.
嘿泰迪怎么样啊
Hey, Ted. How's it going?
嘿你好
Hey, how are you?
你装扮的是谁
What's your costume?
是个穴居人吗
Are you a caveman?
你没看过《星球大战3: 绝地归来》吗
You ever see"Return of the Jedi"?
这是个小型独♥立♥电影
It was kind of a small independent film,
主要是由以色列投资的
mostly Israeli financed.
我不跟男的约会没必要知道这种事
Yeah, I don't date men, so I don't need to learn this.
来吧今天咱们不醉不归
Well, come on, we need to get you guys wasted.
好啊我没问题但泰迪还要开车带我回家
Yes, yes for me, but Ted here is my designated driver.
看来就我能清醒着
Yeah, I'm the guy that gets to listen
听摇滚乐了
to the Spin Doctors sober.
真扫兴 t
That sucks. Come on.
喝一杯吗
Want a drink?
不行我要开车呢
I can't, I'm driving.
那可惜了
Oh, too bad.
我一直都挺想跟一只泰迪熊喝一杯的
I always wanted to do a shot with a teddy bear.
管他的现在还不开车呢
Fuck it, I'm not driving yet.
我一直都想和泰迪熊一起抽两口
I always wanted to smoke weed with a teddy bear.
给老子点上
Sign me up.
我一直想和泰迪熊一块吸我的注意缺陷多动障碍药
I always wanted to snort my ADHD meds with a teddy bear.
你要是想求助那就找错人了
If that's a cry for help, you got the wrong guy.
好耶
Yeah!
好啦孩子们
AII righty, kids.
你们保重万圣节快乐哟
You take care now, and happy Halloween.
说谢谢孩子们
Say thank you, kids.
谢谢
Thank you.
不客气
Oh, you're welcome.
要小心剃须刀片好吗
And be careful of the razor blades, all right?
这东西到处都是
They're everywhere.
马蒂
Matty.
去拿抗生素
Get the bacitracin.
抗生为什么
The bacitra- - why?
我被一只鸵鸟咬了
An ostrich bit me.
一只什么 -倒霉催的鸵鸟
A what? - A goddamn ostrich!
我在博克斯福德帮一个人装栅栏
I was installing a fence for a guy over in Boxford.
他养了鸵鸟不想让他们
And he keeps ostriches, doesn't want them getting
跑出去
past the property line.
其中有一只咬了我的屁♥股♥
And one of them bit me on the fucking ass!
我还从来没亲眼见到过鸵鸟呢
Wow, I've never seen an ostrich in person before.
你的工作真有意思
Your job is so interesting.
苏珊你赶紧先帮帮我吧
Susan, will you help me out here?