泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E01

Part 5 Jan. 15, 2024, 7:35 p.m.

so half the time, you ejaculate to an establishing shot
你敢
You wouldn't.
哦洛莉哦洛莉
Oh, Lori, oh, Lori!
哦洛该死怎么切到雅致房♥间的镜头了
Oh, Lor --oh, fuck, a tasteful duplex
打扰一下
Excuse me.
嗨嗨我是
Hi. Uh, hi, I'm uh--
我是约翰·本内特
I'm John Bennett.
你好
Hi there.
你你才刚洗过手吗
Ooh, you just, uh, wash your hands?
恩是刚才有一会儿了不是刚洗过
Uh, yeah, just when I -- you know, a while ago, not now.
我刚刚拉肚子了
I had diarrhea.
你好我是泰迪
Hi, I'm Ted.
我是希拉
I'm Sheila.
哦别这么扫兴
Oh, let's not ruin things.
听着我们注意到你刚刚
Hey, listen, we couldn't help but notice
吸着个小烟
you were smoking a little pot
是啊期中考试要到了你懂
Yeah, midterms, you know?
怎么了你要去告状吗
What, are you going to narc on me?
我们才不会批判别人的-不绝不会
- Oh, we're not judging. - No, absolutely not.
不不不绝对不会
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
我和泰迪经常一起
Teddy and I often partake of.
嗨个一小下
el bowl
里面的大♥麻♥简直是
And the pot inside it, uh...
爽爽爽
cha-cha-cha.
我腹泻的也没多严重
It wasn't much diarrhea
能给我们点毒品吗
Can we have drugs, please?
你说什么
Sorry?
我们只是想弄点大♥麻♥
We're just -- we're looking to get some weed
我们想着或许你能帮上忙
We thought maybe you could help us out.
你有多大了
Yeah, uh, how old are you again?
十六岁半
16 1/2.
抱歉了老弟不可能的
Yeah, sorry, bro, that's not going to happen
不是给他的是给我的
It's not for him. It's for me
我知道你不能给一个高中生大♥麻♥
Look, I get why you can't give a high school kid pot
但给一个会说话的泰迪熊有何不可呢
But talking teddy bears are all good, right?
俺们都爱吸大♥麻♥的
We all take drugs.
那些爱心熊们全都是瘾君子
The fucking Care Bears are all meth addicts
帕丁顿熊喜欢安♥眠♥酮♥ 弗兹熊总磕可♥卡♥因♥
Paddington's on Qua a ludes, and Fozzie's a coke head.
你知道约翰·贝鲁西死的时候他就在场吗
You know he was in the room when John Belushi died?
听着我不能帮你们
Look, I can't help you guys out.
不过要是你们愿意我把我的毒品贩子介绍给你们
But if you want, I can hook you up with my connection.
这就太好了
Oh, that would be wonderful.
我想告诉你你真是一位美丽动人的女士雪莉
And might I say, you are a very beautiful woman, Shelly --
希拉
Sheila.
哦天我知道
Oh, God, I know.
好了就是这里了
All right, this is it.
这是我这个月的零花钱
All right, this is my allowance for the month.
要是老爸问起花哪儿去了
If Dad asks where it went,
就说我们去看了《辛德勒的名单》
we bought tickets to see " Schindler's List."
搞什么那电影票才八块钱吧
What do you mean? That's only like 8 bucks.
该死你说的对
Shit, you're right.
那剩下的干嘛了
Well, what did we do with the rest?
我们深受感动就全捐给了犹太人慈善机构
Uh, we were so moved that we donated it to Jew causes.
我们真善良
That is so nice of us.
不如我们真的这样做好了
Maybe we should actually do that.
什么你♥他♥妈♥是疯了吧
What, are you fucking crazy?
集中注意我们要买♥♥毒品呢
Get your head in the game. We got drugs to buy.
该死抱歉
Shit, sorry.
进去以后要小心
Just be careful in there, OK?
听说有些毒贩子很狡
I hear some of these dealers can be sketchy.
小心别被一枪崩了伙计
Just don't get shot, buddy.
放轻松了我没事的待会儿见
Will you relax? I'll be fine. I'll see you in a few.
嗨我来买♥♥大
Hi, I'm here for the weed --
他♥娘♥的♥不是吧
No fucking way.
泰迪你怎么会来这儿
Ted, what the hell are you doing here?
-怎么会是你-谁给你的地址
- It's you? - Who gave you this address?
布莱尔竟然卖♥♥大♥麻♥
Fucking Blaire sell s pot?
老天啊给我小声点
Jesus Christ. Lower your voice.
快进来
Get inside.
哦真是难以置信
Oh, un-fucking believable.
你到底想干嘛
The fuck do you want?
等等我连小锉子都不能说你却能贩毒吗
Wait, so I can't say midget, but you can sell drugs?
你们闹什么呢
What's with all the noise?
这是谁
Who's this?
他是泰迪
This is Ted.
泰迪这是我朋友莎拉
Ted, this is my friend, Sarah.
布莱尔提到过你
Oh, yeah. Blaire mentioned you.
你就是那个八十年代活过来的泰迪熊
You're that teddy bear that came to life back in the'80s.
没错但从那之后我也做过很多事啊
Well, yeah, but I've done other stuff since then.
什么事
Like what?
我是《新马》里本·斯蒂勒的替身
Um, I was the stand-in for Ben Stiller in " Fresh Horses.
那人倒是没多高
Not a tall man.
嘿你怎么会卖♥♥毒品的
Um, hey, how come you're selling weed anyway?
我和莎拉在她公♥寓♥这儿种的
Sarah and I grow it here in her apartment,
我们用这钱来付学费
and we're using the money to help pay for tuition.
泰迪听我说
Ted, listen to me.
你不能告诉马蒂叔叔和苏珊阿姨好吗
You can not tell Uncle Matty and Aunt Suze, all right?
他们会把我扔出家门的
They will kick me out of the fucking house.
支付学费已经很艰难了
It's hard enough to pay for school.
我负担不起更高的租金了
I can't afford a higher rent too.
等等马蒂竟然还收你租金
Wait. Matty charges you rent?
反正没自己找房♥子住贵
Not as much as I pay for an apartment,
但一个月也得两百块
but still, 20o bucks a month.
就车♥库♥里那一个阴森森的小房♥间吗
For that crappy room over the garage?
老天安妮·弗兰克都不会死在那种地方
Jesus, Anne Frank wouldn't be caught dead in that place.
我可以开这种玩笑的
I'm allowed to make that joke.
我和约翰尼还给犹太人捐款呢
Johnny and I donate to Jew causes.
但我还是需要住在那里
OK, well, I still need the room,
所以你一个字也不许说
so you can not say a fucking word.
听着我不是来抓谁的包的
Hey, look, man, I'm not here to bust anybody
我只想要根大♥麻♥
I just want the ganja.
你以前从来没有抽过吧
You've never smoked before, have you?
你这你说什么呢
What are you -- what are you talking about?
我当然抽过我各种毒品都抽过
Yeah, I have. I do lots of drugs.
是吗比如呢
Yeah? Like what?
我现在就磕着可♥卡♥因♥呢看
I'm on coke right now. See?
我彻底磕嗨了我想写本小说
Grr! Oh, I'm so coked up I just wanna write a novel
见东西就想锤两拳
and punch everything!
开玩笑的
Ah, just kidding.
一点也不疼因为我磕嗨了嘛
Doesn't hurt'cause on account of the coke
胡扯
Bullshit.
我也不知道我在说些什么
I don't know what I'm talking about.
求你们给我点大♥麻♥
Please, can I have marijuana?
好吧你有现金吗
Fine. You got cash?
不行等等莎拉我们不能卖♥♥给他
No. Wait. Sarah, we're -- we're not selling him pot.
为什么-对啊为什么
- Why not? - Yeah, why not?
你这是还没磕就嗨了吗
Uh, are you fucking high already?
你最好的朋友我的小表弟
Your best friend, my little cousin,
才16岁
is 16 years old.
我不会给他这机会的
I'm not gonna enable him.
我也不会的
Well, I'm not either.
我甚至都不会告诉他我有这个
I'm not even gonna tell him I have it.
这是给我的布莱尔我发誓
It's for me, Blaire. I swear to God
我什么时候骗过你
When have I ever lied to you?
就十秒钟之前你说你磕嗨了
Like ten seconds ago when you said you were on coke.
好吧1 但从那之后我说的都是实话
Well, yeah. But since then, I've given it to you straight.
听着布莱尔我们需要钱
Look, Blaire. We need the money.
这有何不可呢
Why not just do it?
对啊布莱尔
That's right, Blaire.
你需要钱我需要麻
You need the money, I need this.
听着你知道作为