泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E03

Part 4 Jan. 17, 2024, 11:49 a.m.

就这两种选择
Those are the choices.
好吧那就诡异吧
AlI right, let's go with creepy.
我们从哪一个开始
Which one are we starting with?
今天的餐品怎么样
How is everything?
哦太棒了
Oh, it's just wonderful.
不太好凯文
Not good, Kev- o.
这里面找不到苹果这个词
The word "apple"ain't in here anywhere.
斜着也算的先生
They allow diagonal, sir.
他们应该把这个写在规则上啊
Well, they should put that in the goddamn directions!
我会去告诉厨师
I'll tell the chef.
好的
Yeah.
马蒂你得尝尝这螃蟹
Matty, you have to try this crab.
不了我不用
No, I'm fine
哦就一口非常好吃
Oh, just one bite. It's so delicious.
不用了我自己也点了东西
I'mfine. I got my own food.
小小尝一口嘛 -我什么都不要
Just a baby bite. I don't want any.
尝尝嘛就一小口 -老天爷啊苏珊
Just try. Just one bite. Jesus Christ, Susan.
为什么你点的东西
Why is it always so important
一定要给我吃一吃
that I have some of what you ordered?
我想让你尝尝这个
I want you to have some of this
因为我觉得你会喜欢的
because I think you'll like it.
我要是想吃螃蟹
Well if I wanted the goddamn crab,
我不会自己点吗
I would have ordered the goddamn crab!
但在回家的车上
But in the car on the way home,
我就可以说是不是很好吃你就知道到底好不好吃了
I can say, wasn'titgood? And you'll know.
看在上帝的份上行吧
For fuck's sake! All right!
你会知道的 -行吧
You'll know AJI right!
该死
Oh, goddamn it.
该死
Goddamn it!
这比我点的好吃啊
That's better than what I ordered!
你看我知道你会喜欢的
You see? I knew you'd like it.
该死
Shit!
我等不及一会儿和你聊这个了
I can't wait to talk about it later.
真希望我们现在就在车里
I wish we were in the car right now.
给
Here.
我有东西要给你
I got something for you.
哦马蒂是什么
Oh, Matty, what is it?
打开吧小心点
Just open it Be careful.
一个钉子吗
A nail?
你吃完之前
Just before you're finished,
把这个藏到盘子里
put that in what's left of your food
假装是你找到的
and then"find"it.
这样就能给我们免单了
Whole night will be comped.
嘿小凯
Hey, Kev- o!
嗨我是布拉德
Hi, I'm Brad.
凯文辞职了
Kevin quit.
哦这个怎么样
Oh, how about this one?
跨种族屁屁集♥会♥
"Interracial Butt Fest. "
真是多亏了您啊马丁·路德·金
Oh, thank you, Dr. King.
菊花奥林匹克赛8
"Anal Screwlympics VIII"
前七部没看过直接看这个看不明白的
I didn't see the first seven. I'm not going to understand it.
天哪这家伙用自己的三条腿赛跑
Man, this guy's running his own three- legged race.
我们从这部开始吧
Oh, let's start with this one.
你确定这有用吗
You sure that's going to work?
我也不知道
Yeah, I don't know.
但我现在满脑子都是
But all I'm thinking about right
我死去的亲人
now is my dead relatives.
为什么
Why?
怀特神父说
Well, Father White once said
如果你自♥慰♥
that if you ever masturbate,
那么你所有死去的亲人都会在天堂看着你
then all your dead relatives are up in heaven watching you.
那怎么能是天堂呢
How is that heaven?
天你说的还真有道理
Boy, you know, that is a great point.
那上面难道会是这样
I mean, are they up there like,
你想去亚伯拉罕·林肯家吗
"Hey, you want to go to Abe Lincoln's house? "
我很想去
"Yeah, I'd like to,
但我侄子正打算打飞机
"but my nephew is gonna jerk off,
我得过去看
so I got to go watch that. "
那就没事了
OK, so we're fine.
好耶
AlI right.
他是个医生
Oh, he's a doctor.
看上去是在医院上班的第一天
Looks like it's his first day at a new hospital.
这天通常是
And that s usually the day
会和别人上♥床♥的对吧
you have sex with everyone, right?
当然了约翰尼
Oh, it sure is, Johnny.
诶呦
Whoops.
她的衣服全掉下来了
Oh, looks like all her clothes fell off.
开始咯
Oh, here we go.
这温度计好奇怪
That's a weird thermometer.
真有意思
Hey, that's funny.
我以为人们只会把温度计
I thought they only took your temperature like that
在孩子身上这样用
when you were a baby.
那不是在
Yeah, that's- that's not a-
他就只是不停的插♥进♥去拔♥出♥来♥
He's, like, pulling it in and out.
这样是测不准温度的
It's never going to get an accurate reading like that.
看来她的前列腺没问题
Oh. Well, I guess her prostate's fine.
怎么了 -不知道
What happened? I don't know.
卡带了吗
Tape froze.
卡住了磁带卡出了
It's stuck. The tape's stuck!
该死
Oh, shit!
出不来了我们该怎么办
It's not coming out. What are we going to do?
好了别慌别慌
AlI right. Don't panic, don't panic.
别慌
Don't panic?
我该怎么办啊
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
我需要时间想想
I just need a second to think.
这录像机里卡着个黄♥片♥啊
No, there is a porno stuck in the fucking VCR!
你让我想想 -我要怎么办啊
Just let me fucking think! - What am I supposed to do?
你♥他♥妈♥让我想想
Just let me fucking think!
你♥他♥妈♥让我想想
Let me fucking think!
我们得把这机器拆开
OK, we're going to have to take the machine apart.
好吧
AlI right.
我打不开这里面根本没螺丝
I can't even open it. There's no screws.
只有一些铆钉
It's just rivets.
我想到了我想到了
OK, I got it, I got it.
我们换一台录像机
We got to swap out VCRs.
扔掉这台换一台新的
Get rid of this one, replace it with a new one.
我们怎么在一晚上找到一台新录像机啊
How are we going to find a new VCR tonight?
就算商店还开门我们也没钱啊
Even if shit was still open, we got no money.
再说了这是台老机子
And anyways, this is an older model.
说不定市面上都找不到这型号♥了
You probably can't even fucking find it anymore.
可以的
Yes, you can.
学校的多媒体教室那里有一个
The AV room at school! They got one there.
我们今晚过去拿
We can go get it tonight.
放学后去学校
Going into school after hours?
这不会很可疑吗
Won't that look suspicious?
今晚有比赛
There's a game tonight.
校门还开着
The school's open.
我们穿球服进去
We dress like basketball players
要是有人看到
and if anyone sees us,
他们也会觉得我们是去比赛的
they'll think we're there for the game.
要是搞砸了所有人都会知道我们就是俩变♥态♥
If we blow this, everybody's going to know we're perverts.
天哪
Jesus.
忙活了大半天我们都没享受一把高♥潮♥
AlI this work, and we didn't even get to have an orgasm.
是啊是啊
Yeah, yeah. Right.
哥们太悲催了我们俩
Yeah, man, that fucking sucks, both of us...
都没有
didn't.
我真是不明白
I just don't understand it.
我们这儿压根都没在装♥修♥
I mean, we're not under construction.
还好她看到了
Well, you know, the good news is she saw it.
不然的话
Otherwise.