泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E03

Part 2 Jan. 17, 2024, 11:49 a.m.

丢人丢够了
humiliating yourselves in public,
我们能走了吗
can we get out of here?
布莱尔
Uh, Blaire.
我不会给你们租黄♥片♥儿的
I'm not renting you porn.
别这样嘛租一个嘛
Oh, come on, you gotta.
不可能
No, I don't
布莱尔我都16了
Blaire, I'm already 16.
如果我是摩♥门♥教♥徒我都当爷爷了
OK, if I was Mormon, I'd be a grandfather by now.
布莱尔够姐妹儿行不就一次
Blaire, be a pal, huh? Just this once.
我基本上已经是个成年人了
I'm basically an adult already, OK?
我只是想看一次成♥人♥电♥影♥
I just want to watch an adult movie.
行吧
AlI right, fine.
啥 -啥
What? - What?
我没时间在这跟你们讨论
I don't have time to stand here all day and argue.
好吧你们去车里等着吧
OK, just go wait in the car.
我勒个去太特么酷了 -我的天布莱尔
Holy shit. Fucking awesome! ·Oh, my God, Blaire!
你简直太棒了布莱尔 -非常感谢啊
You're fucking amazing, Blaire! - Wow, Thank you so much!
布莱尔这也太棒了
Blaire, this is fucking awesome!
太感谢了 -你简直是最棒的
Thank you so much! - Oh, you're the fucking best!
还有你就选你觉得最恶心的
Oh, and whatever seems grossest to you,
估计就是我们最喜欢的了
that's probably what we're going to like.
我数到三
I'm going to count to three.
好吧
OK.
好了你们享受电影吧
AlI right, you guys. Enjoy the movie.
我们会的
Oh, we will.
打开看时有点心理准备哈
Oh, and don't be thrown when you turn it on.
是黑白片
It's black and white.
那更好 -终于
Even better. - Yeah, finally.
我们可以讲述上一辈的故事 -对超爱的
We're telling their stories. Yeah, love that.
代表性很重要
Representation matters.
很高兴听你们这么说
Glad to hear it.
好吧 -开始了
OK. Here we go.
妈回来之前我们有至少一小时
We got at least an hour before Mom gets back.
好了黄♥片♥时间到
AlI right, porno time!
哇射400次啊
Whoa. "The 400 Blows. "
不管这家伙是谁到最后还不精尽人亡了
Whoever this guy is, he's going to be a nub by the end of it.
法式小黄♥片♥ 行吧
Ah, French fucking. All right.
虽然毛有点多但也挺好
Little hairy, but Im on board.
听起来就应该是这个动静
That's what the fucking's going to sound like.
天这特么都放多久了啊
Jesus, how the fuck long has this been going on?
你们喜欢这部电影吗
You guys enjoying the movie?
不难看死了
No! It sucksl
这特么是黄♥片♥吗
How the fuck is this a porno?
我给你们租了部成人片
Well, I rented you guys an adult movie,
就是成♥人♥电♥影♥
as in a movie for adults.
你故意的
Oh, you suck.
不不等会他们提到了蛋蛋
No, no, but wait, they were talking about ball sacks.
巴尔扎克
Balzac.
对对所以它们是在哪
Yeah, exactly. So where were they?
你是说你不喜欢这电影吗
Are saying you don't like the film?
不是不是可整部电影里都没人干啊
No! No, there's no sex at all in this movie.
太无聊了
Just ennui.
我可是帮你借的
I did you a favor.
我们想看的是生殖器啊
No, we want to look at genitals.
相信我那都是夸大其词
Trust me, it's overrated.
什么意思你看过
Wait, what do you mean? You watch porn?
没
Uh, no.
但上学期我们学校
But a guy from my school did
有个男人拍了张老二的照片发给我
mail me a photo of his dick last semester.
还用的那种棕褐色调拍的
He even shot it in sepia tone.
所以看上去有怀旧感的那种
Wait, so it was, like, all old- timey?
咋的就好像这老二是沙尘暴孤儿的吗
Like, "This penis is a Dust Bowl orphan"?
你知道最搞笑的是什么吗
You want the kicker?
它看上去软不拉几的
It was flaccid.
等等所以他都没硬起来吗
Wait, so he didn't even do the work?
没有就用了个花哨的滤镜拍了个软老二
Nope. Just a flaccid dick with a fancy filter.
我想即便是最伟大的导演
Well, I guess even a great director
也没法挽救这种脚本吧
can't save a bad script.
总之好好看电影吧
Anyway, enjoy the movie, guys.
很经典的
It's a classic.
去它的吧
Fuck this.
所有人马蒂和我有消息要宣布
Everyone, Matty and I have some news.
天终于
Oh, man. It finally happened.
听着我知道做出这种决定很不容易
Look, Im sure this was a tough decision to make,
但事已至此再拖拉也是没有意义的
but there's no sense in postponing the inevitable.
我就跟你们说吧
You know what?
不是所有的婚姻都要一辈子的
Not every marriage is meant to last forever.
而且从某个角度来说
And at a certain point,
你们这样就是在浪费青春嘛
you're just throwing good years out the bag.
我们要出去吃晚饭
We're going out to dinner.
嘿那
Hey! That s
那是我最喜欢的一餐了
one of my favorite meals.
我们明天要一起出去
We're going to go out,
度过一个浪漫美好的夜晚
we're going to have a nice, romantic evening tomorrow.
就我们俩
Just the two of us just because.
我们会过的很开心的
And we re going to have a lovely time.
没错
That's right.
我老婆人这么好值得这样一个美好的夜晚
My wife deserves a night out just for being her.
我们要我们要吃一顿大餐
We're going to have a- we're going to have a great meal,
一定会很棒的
and it's going to be terrific!
天啊
Jesus.
别紧张 -什么
Take it easy. What?
我可高兴死了今晚肯定很棒
I'm fucking happy. It's going to be a great night.
我在想若干年后我们会不会发现这只是
You know, I wonder if years from now, we'll find out
一次长♥期♥慢性的心脏病发作
this was all just one big, long heart attack.
泰迪我能单独跟你谈谈吗
Teddy, can I speak to you in private?
好太完美了
OK, this is perfect.
爸爸妈妈要出门
Mom and Dad are going to be out of the house
布莱尔要上学
and Blaire's got school.
再也没有比这更好的时机了
There will never be a better time.
什么好时机
For what?
去租个真正的黄♥片♥
To rent a real porno.
那我们该怎么租呢
Well, how are we supposed to do it?
商店里那个笨瓜说我们得满18岁
That butt nut in the store says we got to be 18.
还有另外一个人6点
There's a different guy that comes in at 6: 00
来接夜班好吧
for the night shift, all right?
我们弄个假身份证
We get fake IDs
六点后进去就能租到黄♥片♥了
we go in after 6: 00, we can rent that porno.
我说不好约翰尼这比较冒险
I don't know, Johnny. It's a risk.
如果我们被抓了 -泰迪
I mean, if we get caught- - Teddy.
能在电视屏幕上看别人做♥爱♥
Watching other people have sex on a TV screen,
这是一个人能做的最酷的事情
that's just about the coolest thing a person can do.
冒险也值了
It's worth the risk.
明天这个时候我们的梦想就会实现了
By this time tomorrow, that dream could be ours.
好了我们睡一会儿吧
AlI right. Let's get some sleep.
我们天一亮就开始打飞机 -好
We jerk at first light. Right.
好两个假身份证
OK. Two fake IDs.
总共50美元
That llbe 50 bucks.
我们家里也有一台录像机
We got that same VCR at home.
我才不管呢
I don't give a shit.
给
Right there.
我八个星期的零用钱
My whole allowance for eight weeks.
好了开始吧享受你们成年后的新生活吧
AlI right, here we go. Enjoy your new lives as adults.
天啊这家伙有多大了
Jesus Christ, how old is this guy?
看起来他有40岁了
Looks like he's 40
你会没事的好吗
Hey, you'll be fine, all right?
虽然泰迪那个花了点功夫
Although Ted's took a little bit of work.
我不能用这个 -为什么不行
I- I can't use this. Why not?
这看起来像鲍伯·鲁斯
It looks like Bob Ross.
这就是这就是鲍伯·鲁斯
t is. Ilt is Bob this is Bob Ross.