泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E06

Part 3 Jan. 24, 2024, 8:21 p.m.

上帝派他来传扬他爱我们的信息
God sent him to us to spread the word that He loves us.
我爱你
I love you.
你继续说啊塔克修士
Your move, Friar Tuck.
我只想把布道讲完
I just want to finish the sermon.
我只是想说我可能是耶稣
I'mjust saying, I might be Jesus.
可能是我不敢肯定
Might. I'm not saying for sure.
我只是说有这种可能性
I'm just saying it's a possibility.
我可能是耶稣
I might be Jesus.
这太不尊重人了
That is incredibly disrespectful.
吃婴儿的人还好意思说我不尊重人
Says the guy eating babies.
第三和第十
So third and 10.
来了
There he goes.
该死的爱国者队
Fucking Patriots!
你看到了吗丹尼斯
You see that, Dennis?
为什么我不能出生在水牛城
Why couldn't I have been born in Buffalo?
我每年都会赢的
I'd be winning every year.
天呐水牛城什么都有
God! Buffalo has it all.
今年让我们给圣诞老人留点特别的东西吧
Let's leave something special for Santa this year:
果冻布丁棒棒糖
Jell- O Pudding Pops!
好耶
children: Yay!
圣诞老人会喜欢的
Santa's gonna love it.
果冻布丁棒棒糖祝你节日快乐
Happy holidays from Jell- O Pudding Pops!
我打赌比尔·考斯比圣诞节过得不错
Bet Bill Cosby's having a good Christmas.
他肯定不用面对一群女人
Bet he doesn't have to deal with a bunch of women
骂他是个混♥蛋♥
telling him he's a jerk.
你知道过去是这样的一家之主说出他想说的
You know, used to be, the man of the house said his piece,
大家就都听他的
everybody just fell in line.
现在这里就像《杰瑞·斯宾格秀》
Now it's like fucking "Jerry Springer" in here.
如果你能说话肯定会站在我这边
Bet if you could talk, you'd take my side.
再来一杯啤酒马蒂这是你应得的
Have another beer, Matty. You've earned it.
谢谢你丹尼斯
Ah, well, thanks, Dennis.
我想我会的
I think I will
还有把袜子脱了马蒂
And- - and- - and take your socks off, Matty.
我不介意你脚上的味道
I don't mind the smell of your feet
因为我知道那不是你能控制的
because I know that's not something you can control.
我很感激你的理解丹尼斯
Well, I appreciate that, Dennis.
谢谢谢谢
Thank you. Thank you.
嘿马蒂什么
Hey, Matty. Yeah?
难道不应该设立一个白人历史月吗
Shouldn't there be a White History Month too?
丹尼斯这是你说的啊不是我
Well, Dennis, you said it, not me.
这牙线用得真爽
That was a hell of a floss.
没有什么比把脏东西
Nothing feels better than getting stuff
清理出来更爽的了对吧
out of places, right?
如果你想摸摸我脖子上的内生毛
Let me know when you want to take a run
记得告诉我
at that ingrown hair on my neck.
你还是不理我吗
Am I still getting the silent treatment?
听着我已经说过很抱歉错过了你的独唱
Look, I already said I'm sorry I missed your solo.
你知道我不能坐在木头椅子上
You know I can't sit on wood.
那样会加重我的痔疮
It aggravates my hemorrhoids.
所以我得痔疮也是我的错对吧
Oh, so my hemorrhoids are my fault, too, I guess, huh?
那儿又不是邮局苏珊
It ain't the post office down there, Susan.
这些东西又不会自己跑过来
This stuff doesn't just show up on its own.
这是有原因的
There's effort involved.
也许可以买♥♥一个那种甜甜圈枕头
Might get one of those one of those doughnut pillows.
不你知道吗
No. You know what?
你没资格听
You don't get to hear about it.
嘿
Hey!
是你许愿我成精的傻♥逼♥
You wished me to life, fuck facel
这到底是怎么发生的
How the hell did this happen?
就像泰迪一样
Just like it happened with Ted.
我看着窗外
I was looking out the window.
流星飞过
Shooting star flies by.
我许了个愿
I made a wish.
然后我就活了
And here I am.
这房♥子是被诅咒了吗
Is this house cursed?
苏珊我能在这里抽烟吗
Hey, Susan, can I smoke in here?
如果他抽我也抽
If he smokes, I get to smoke.
对不起丹尼斯如果我让你抽烟
I'm sorry, Dennis, if I let you smoke,
我就得让所有的玩具都抽烟
I'll have to let all the toys smoke.
是啊该死
Yeah, fuck.
我能问你件事吗
Hey, can I ask you something?
你当时什么感觉
How did it feel for you?
嗯前一分秒什么都没有
Yeah, one minute, nothing.
下一秒我就能说话了
The next, I can talk.
那之后你有
Was there a feeling like acid reflux,
胃酸倒流的感觉吗
like, right after?
有的特别难受那种
Oh, yeah, bad.
我还想尿尿但我尿不出来
It also felt like I had to pee, but I couldn't.
是的我也一样
Yup. Same here.
这一定是玩具成精后的必定要经历的
Must be what happens when toys come to life.
所以你是许愿你的卡车能活过来嘛
So you just wished for your truck to come alive?
不完全是
Not exactly.
我是许愿家里有人
I wished there was someone in the house
能在争吵时支持我
who'd back me up in an argument.
接下来我就可以动了
Next thing I know, I could move
我还恨透了那些该死的北方佬
and I hated the fucking Yankees.
我想这是个圣诞奇迹
Well, I guess it's a Christmas miracle.
那这里是发生过谋杀案吗
So, like, were there murders here?
比如坟墓被亵渎过什么的吗
Like, was a grave desecrated?
天啊看这个看看这个
Jesus Christ, look at this. Look at this.
他们在给科技工作者发放免费签证
They're giving free visas to tech workers.
哦该死他们来了
Oh, fucking A. They're coming.
哪们 -移♥民♥
Who? - Immigrants.
哦看在上帝的份上真的吗他也这样
Oh, for fuck's sake. Really? Him too?
是啊那些挚爱平权法案的蠢货们
Yeah, those affirmative action bozos
肯定高兴得跳起来了
are probably jumping for joy.
那可不就是他们抢走了所有的工作
No shit, watching them take all the goddamn jobs.
你知道平权法案
You do know affirmative action
不是要剥夺什么对吧
isn't about taking things away, right?
重点是包容
It's about including people
那些被歧视的人
who've been discriminated against.
哦别这样
Oh, come on!
又来了又来了
Oh, here we go again with this again.
真是一派胡言
What a bunch of bullshit.
所以你是说我们应该根据人们的肤色
So you're saying we should give people jobs
给他们提供工作
based on the color of their skin.
我是说几个世纪以来世界一直是不平等的
I'm saying that things have been unequal for centuries
我们应该平衡一下这种不平等
and we should balance the scales.
所以没错
So yeah.
好吧你看这是种族歧视
OK, see, now, that's racist.
是你在捍卫白人
You're the one who's defending
主导的劳动市场
a white- dominated workforce.
嘿我可不管它们是紫色
Hey, I don't care if they're purple,
绿人还是橙人好吗
green, or orange, all right?
我只是不想要黑人棕人或黄人的
I just don't want them Black, brown, or yellow.
天呐老兄你认真的吗 -天呐老兄
Oh, my God, dude, really? Whoa, Jesus, dude,
得了吧这他妈是个玩笑放松点
Come on, it's a fucking joke. Relax.
好的看我就是个棕人
OK, look, brown person over here.
我告诉你我的父母从印度搬到这里
Just FYI, my parents moved here from India,
他们独♥立♥建立了一个非常
and they built a very successful business
成功的企业
all on their own.
他们必须付出双倍努力才能做到这一点
And they had to work twice as hard to do it.
企业家好吧好
Business owners. All right. OK.
你父母投票给克♥林♥顿♥还是布♥什♥
Your parents vote for Clinton or Bush?
我是说他们投了布♥什♥的票但我
Well, I mean, they voted for Bush, but I- -
我去 -看就是这样
Holy shit! Ah, see, there it is.
这个 -我直接给你将死看到了没
There it is. - Check- fucking- matel See?
这就是为什么我要丹尼斯
This is why Dennis.
这就是为什么我需要丹尼斯
This is why Dennis!
但我投了克♥林♥顿♥的票
But I voted for Clinton.