泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E06

Part 5 Jan. 24, 2024, 8:21 p.m.

我勒个去真的吗 -哇
Oh, my fucking God. Really? - Wow.
嘿别爆粗口
Hey, watch the language.
这话说给你那蠢卡车去吧
Tell your stupid truck that.
他还讲种族主义笑话呢
He's telling racist jokes
我不是种族主义者
I'm not racist.
重点不是关于那个黑人的
The punch line wasn't gonna be about the Black guy.
本来是要讲那个犹太人的
It was gonna be about the Jew.
然后再稍微顺带着说点波兰佬
and, to a lesser extent, about the Polack
还有一点有关黑人的老二
and a little bit about the Black guy's penis.
看见没 -重点是
See? ·The point is,
他们都不知道水多深
none of them knew how deep the water was.
嘿你袭击我
Ow! Hey! This is assaultl
我被人袭击了
I'm being assaulted herel
说好的非暴♥力♥呢
So much for the nonviolent left
这可是圣诞前夜
It's Christmas Eve.
我们就不能一起好好吃个晚餐吗
Can't we just have a nice dinner together?
可以
Yes, we can.
这火腿真不错苏珊姨姨
It's a beautiful ham, Aunt Susan.
谢谢
Thank you.
是一切都特别完美
Yeah, everything looks really great.
谢谢你们
Thank you, girls. Thank you.
你要来点这个吗 -好啊
You want some of this? Yes, please.
嘿嘿嘿
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!
怎么怎么怎么的
What? What? What?
这可是圣诞前夜
It's Christmas Eve.
我们得说些祷词感谢我主
We got to say grace, thank the Lord.
不客气 -好吧
You're welcome. Fine.
丹尼斯你要起个头儿吗
Dennis, would you like to do the honors?
当然那低头
Absolutely. Bow your heads.
亲爱的上帝 -我在呢
Dear Lord Yes.
感谢袍赐予的食物 -别客气
Thank you for this food No problem
还有这些祝福 -没问题
And for these blessings. Anytime
让我们心怀感激 -可以的
Make us thankfulOn it.
请让我们给你 -土豆泥
And may we serve you Mashed potatoes
搞特么什么你到底要不要念祷词
What the fuck? You want to say grace?
不了我会觉得自己是个混♥蛋♥的
Nah, I'd feel like an asshole.
阿门
Amen.
刚才的祷词念的真不错丹尼斯
Oh, that was just beautiful, Dennis.
现在们可以开动了
Now you can eat.
谢谢你的允许哈
Oh, yeah, thank you so much for your permission.
嘿我希望那所大学里的电脑思想警♥察♥
Hey, you know, I hope the PC thought police
不会因为你向耶稣祈祷
over at that college don't kick you out
而把你踢出去
for praying to Jesus
世界上70%的人
You know, 70%of the world
根本就不信耶稣
doesn't even believe in Jesus.
我去收拾他们 -是你说的那些
I'|| get them Yeah, those are
是食物短缺的挨饿的国家吧
all the starving countries with no food.
所以上帝更爱美国人呗是这么个意思吗
Oh, so God loves Americans more, is that the theory?
如果滑头威利让同性恋加入军队
Yeah, not for long if Slick Willy
而把事情搞砸了那这事可就不长久了
fucks things up by putting gays in the military.
我的天里根总统会怎么说呢
For God's sake, what would Reagan say?
现在吗
Right now?
也许会说起嘟嘟火车吧
Probably something about choo- choo trains.
还有人想要蘑菇头吗
Would anyone like some mushroom caps?
马蒂姨夫你同意丹尼斯
Uncle Matty, do you agree with Dennis
有关同性恋不该参军的说法吗
that gay people shouldn't serve?
我觉得这是个坏主意
I think it's a bad idea.
为什么
Why?
你想把一个同性恋
You want to put a gay guy
跟20个正常男人放进同一个军营吗
in a barracks with 20 regular guys?
那他们一起洗澡时怎么办
What happens when they all got to shower?
我不知道马蒂要怎么办呢
I don't know, Matty. What happens?
再说了《圣经》上说
Plus, the Bible says
不能从后面上否则会进地狱的
no butt stuff, or you go to hell.
嘿咒语那页在哪
Hey, where's the spell section?
所以这就是伤风败俗咯
So it's immoral too?
同性恋就都该下地狱
Gay people should all go to hell
你是这么想的吗
that's what you think?
听着我不在乎
Listen, I don't care!
谁想往哪插他们想插的东西都随便
Anybody can stick anything anywhere they want,
只要不在军队里和我家里就行
as long as it's not in the army and not in my house.
那莎拉和我在你这是不受欢迎了
Well, then I guess Sarah and I aren't welcome here.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
莎拉和我是一对儿
Sarah and I are a couple.
给钱吧约翰尼 -王八蛋
Called it, Johnny. Motherfucker.
布莱尔咱们不是说好了1月3日再说吗
Blaire, I thought we were gonna do this on January 3rd.
等会儿
Wait a minute
你你们俩吗
You the two of you?
我天
Oh, my God. Mm.
艾玛艾玛艾玛嘿
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!
这特么是弄啥呢
What the fuck is this?
你打算怎么着吧
What are you gonna do about it?
你是同性恋啊
You're gay?
泛性恋 -这特么你嘛意思啊
Fluid. What the hell does that mean?
意思就是我们只看中彼此的个性
It means that I'm attracted to personalities
而不在乎性别
regardless of their gender.
我的天哪
Oh, Jesus Christ.
你看中的是个性
You're attracted to personalities,
然后你居然选她了吗
and you picked her?
嘿 -去你的吧
Hey! Oh, fuck you.
你也就见过六个人
You've met six people.
一定是因为大学
It's that college.
一定是因为大学 -我的天哪
It"s that collegel Oh, my God.
苏珊我整天都是怎么说的
Susan, what am I always saying?
大学会把人变基
College turns people gay.
对极了
Absolutely rightl
每周末都在那校园里的草坪上
Out there on the lawn every weekend,
跑来跑去的扔飞盘
tossing the Frisbee around.
扔飞盘怎么就基了
How the fuck is Frisbee gay?
这游戏连个胜负都不分
It's a sport where nobody wins.
这只是为了好玩
It's only about the fun.
那又怎样
So what?
那这个呢
And what's this?
这算什么这一个动作重复来重复去
What's this, doing this all the time, huh?
这压根不是男人该做的运动
That's not a man's sport.
你还如不站在阳台上
You might as well be on a balcony
和爱人挥手说拜拜呢
waving goodbye to your lover.
两只手抓住飞盘的动作
Making those clap catches,
像是艾尔顿·约翰的前排观众一样
like you're front row at Elton John.
那拍抓飞盘的动作啊
Oh, the clap catch.
拍着手抓住你的亲爱的威猛奥玩具小飞盘
Yeah, clap catching your Wham- O Frisbee.
知道为什么叫威猛奥吗
You know why it's called Wham- O?
你转过身去蹲下来捡起
You turn around, you bend over to pick up
你的飞盘身后威猛一下
up your Frisbee, and wham- o!
你知道吗
Oh, you know what?
你还不如一个飞盘呢你这坨狗屎
You wish you were a Frisbee, you little shit.
真抱歉我们的性取向
And I'm so sorry that our sexual orientation
对大家来说如此冒犯
is so offensive to everyone.
去你的圣诞节
Merry fucking Christmas.
走吧莎拉
Come on, Sarah.
布莱尔
Blaire.
布莱尔亲爱的别走
Blaire, honey, wait.
谢谢了
Thank you.
马蒂你得跟她道歉
Matty, please apologize to her.
我 -是的你
Me? Yes, you.
是她该跟上帝道歉
She should be apologizing to God.
本上帝说了没事儿别担心
Oh, he says it's fine. No worries.
可今天是圣诞节
But it's the holidays.
我才不要和她道歉呢
I'm not gonna apologize to her!
是她自己在全家人还有在大火腿面前
She just made a spectacle in front of the entire family