泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E02

Part 3 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:30 p.m.

就那个穿的像个傻♥逼♥的蠢家伙
Dumb looking guy dressed like an idiot.
先生弗莱利餐厅到处都是蠢家伙你能说准确点吗
Sir, this is Friendly's. Can you be more specific?
穿水手服的那个孩子
The kid in the sailor suit.
我是他爹我有句话要告诉他
This is his dad. I got a message for him.
你父亲要我给你捎句话
I have a message for you from your dad.
他说他不会来了因为你很让他失望
He says he's not coming because you're a disappointment to him
他很高兴他离开了
and he's glad he left,
他更喜欢自己收养的韩国小孩
and he likes his adopted Korean kids better.
真抱歉
Sorry.
天啊这可比流产还悲哀
Man, this is way sadder than the miscarriage.
我们本想给孩子起名劳伦斯的
His name was going to be Lawrence.
我还是觉得昨天的事干的太没品了
You know, I still feel really shitty about yesterday.
我也是
Yeah, me too.
我甚至都要觉得克莱夫是个活生生的人了
It's almost like Clive's an actual human being,
有血有肉有心的人
with a heart.
肯定不会有事的
Well, you know, I'm sure it's going to be fine.
你们听说了吗克莱夫想要自杀
Hey, did you guys hear? Clive tried to kill himself.
我的天哪
Holy shit.
他吃了一整瓶维生素小熊糖
He ate an entire bottle of Flintstones vitamins.
连贝蒂熊也吃了
Even the Bettys.
他他有说为什么吗
Did he did he say why he did it?
管他呢我从没觉得如此畅快
Who cares? I never felt more free.
现在我能穿我的爱司基地T恤了
Now I can wear my Ace Of Base shirt
还不用担心被揍
without getting my ass kicked.
该死泰迪我们该怎么办
Shit, Teddy. What are we going to do?
这个我们可管不着
It's out of our hands.
要是他想穿那T恤就让他穿吧
If he wants to wear the shirt, he's going to wear the shirt
不不我是说这都是我们的错
No, no, I mean, this is our fault.
要是克莱夫不是个蠢蛋他现在就是个死人了
If Clive wasn't an idiot, he'd be dead right now.
好了知道吗
AII right. OK You know what?
我们可以搞定的
We can fix this
T恤真好看啊基佬
Nice shirt, queerOh!
自然界果然厌恶真空
Hm, nature abhors a vacuum.
准备好了吗
OK, you ready? - Yeah.
等等等等
Hang on. Hang on one sec.
那孩子的一颗心就握在我们手中呢
We got a boy's heart in our hands here.
我得保持头脑清醒
I want to make sure I got my wits about me.
好了可以了打给他吧
AlI right, I'm good. Call him.
喂 -嗨克莱夫
Hello? Hey Clive.
我是你爹
It's your dad.
你吃下去的都吐完了吗
You done barfing up Bamm Bamms?
别来打扰我
Leave me alone.
等等等等稍等一下
Wait, wait, just hang on. Hang on.
我想跟你道歉
I want to apologize.
抱歉我昨天没去
I'm sorry about not showing up yesterday.
你为什么不去
Then why did you do it?
又为什么留下那样的消息
And why did you leave that message?
那是一个测试
It was a test.
我想要测验一下你的男子气概
It was a test of your manhood.
你顺利通过了
And you passed with flying colors.
你说你更喜欢你收养的韩国小孩
You said you liked your adopted Korean kids better.
对哈
Oh, yeah.
我已经不再收养他们了
Well, you know, I don't have them anymore.
是吗
You don't?
那时候似乎是个挺酷的主意
No, it seemed like a cool idea at the time,
但花了我好大一笔钱
but it was costing me a shitload,
所以我就把他们放归大自然了
so I had to release them back into the wild.
所以你才对我如此重要克莱夫
But that's why you are so important to me, Clive
所以我们的关系才如此重要
That's why our relationship is so important.
那我能真的见见你吗
Well then, can I meet you for real?
好啊
Yes.
最终会见的最终会的
Eventually. Eventually.
但现在我忙着工作呢
But right now, I'm kind of busy with work.
你是做什么的 -我是做什么的
What do you do? What do I do?
一个想要孩子的广♥告♥经理
Ad exec trying to have kids?
老天你是跟这角色杠上了吗
Jesus, what the fuck is it with you with that- -
我有幸成为了一名洛杉矶的地下战士
I'm a soldier of fortune in the Los Angeles underground.
哇哦
Whoa.
我和其他突击队员
Yeah, me and these other crack commandos
开着货车同邪恶势力对抗
fight injustice from our van.
好酷啊
That's so cool.
如果有人遇到了麻烦
Yeah, if people have a problem
没人施以援手如果你能找到我们
and if no one else can help and if you can find us,
就能雇我和我的朋友去帮忙
maybe you can hire me and my friends.
这差不多就是我们的标语
That's kind of like our slogan.
我老爸竟然有辆货车
Wow. My dad has a van.
随便吧我会常联♥系♥你的好好上学
Yeah, anyway, I'll keep in touch and do good in school.
我在学校糟透了
I suck at school.
明天还有场数学考试我估计会挂掉的
I have a math test tomorrow I'm probably going to fail.
拜托
Oh, come on.
你肯定比你想象的更擅长数学
I bet you're smarter at math than you think.
这样如果一个恶霸因为性取向而胖揍了十个孩子
Like OK, like, if a bully beats up 10 kids for their sexuality
又因为其中的百分之二十参加了唱诗班
and 20%of them are in the choir
而多揍了几拳那么有多少人会进医院
so they get extra beatings, how many go to the hospital?
两个
Um, two.
猜猜怎么着没自信先生你刚做了一道数学题
Guess what, Mr. I Can t? You just did math.
待会儿再聊吧
I'll talk to you later.
我觉得我们处理好了
I think we fixed it.
我也这么想
Yeah, I think so too.
我现在感觉真棒
I feel really good right now.
我也感觉好棒 -我们真是大好人
I feel so good. - We're good people.
现在他要是还自杀那肯定是因为别的事
Yeah, if he kills himself now, it's from other stuff.
这些汉堡怎么好像
Why were these burgers just, like,
在水里泡过了一样
sitting in a tray of water?
是啊为什么会做成这样
Yeah, I don't know why they do that.
每次一到汉堡日
Yeah, every time it's burger day,
那些汉堡就泡在水里
there they are, just sitting in water.
我不知道看上去挺正常的
I don't know. It seems normal.
叫几个哥们儿泡上几个汉堡看看比赛
Have the guys over, water up some burgers, watch the game.
有件事很奇怪
Hey, you know what's weird?
怎么了
What?
我一直在想克莱夫的事
I've been, like, thinking about Clive.
我也是 -真的吗
Yeah, me too. You have?
是啊我真的在想
Yeah, like Ive actually been wondering
他考试考得怎么样
how he did on that test.
我也是这感觉糟透了
Me too. It's fucked up, right?
感觉像是我真的在乎他一样
It's like I actually give a shit about him.
约翰尼快看
Johnny, look.
真不知道他干嘛要和那些男生一起玩
I don't know why he hangs out with those boys.
他们只会带坏他
They're a bad influence.
我觉得约翰逊教练
I think Coach Johnson.
天哪我想那个就是他的考卷了
Holy shit. I think that's his test.
等等别看现在先别看
Wait, don't look, don't look, don't look now.
上面写了什么 -我不知道
What does it say? I don't know.
上面写了评级但我看不到
There's a grade on the front, but I can't see it.
我们得离近些看看
We got to get a closer look.
听上去很难
That sounds really tough.
他们知道怎么做爆米花却不碰它
They know how to make corn and they don't touch it.
你想干嘛本内特
What the fuck do you want, Bennett?
没什么没什么我只是
Nothing. Nothing. You know, I'm just
只是随便走走
I'mjust- - I'm just walking around.
你也知道我什么样儿 -是吗
You know how I be. - Yeah?
吃屌♥吧傻♥逼♥
Eat a dick, asshole.
他通过了
He passed.
天呐我就知道他可以的
Oh, my God, I knew he could do it. s
干得漂亮老兄
Great job, buddy.
我们的小天才
Our little genius.
马蒂你不能一直拖延呀
Matty, you can't keep putting it off.
为什么不行我的身体我说了算
Yes, I can. It's my body.
但是医生说
But the doctor said- -