泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E04

Part 4 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:31 p.m.

你是在耍我吗 -怎么了
Are you shitting me? - What?
什么叫怎么了
What do you mean, what?
我们在这儿浪费时间
We're sitting here wasting time
就因为那个老色批想上了你
because this fucking horndog just wants to bang you.
你说什么呢
Excuse me.
你是怎么得出这个结论的
Where the hell are you getting that?
我的天哪布莱尔这还不明显吗
Oh, my God, Blaire, it's so obvious.
他邀请你去他家还把你灌醉
He invites you to his place, he gets you drunk- -
我可没醉
OK, I'm not drunk.
你说什么呢 Ale
What are you talking about?
我最喜欢不带面包丁了
"I love that there are no croutons. "
这叫礼貌好吗
Yeah, it's called being polite.
你怎么会 -你也该试试
When did you become- - You should fucking try it.
因为一个老混♥蛋♥而讨厌面包丁呢
anti crouton just for this buttnut?
我只是在和人聊天
I'm trying to make fucking conversation.
顺便一提我猜这肯定是
And by the way, I'm guessing this is
他第一次见你这么打扮
the first time he's seen you dressed like this,
和你平时的风格不同
as opposed to your usual fashion,
简直就是逛跳蚤市场的梅丽莎·埃斯里奇
which is basically Melissa Ethridge at a flea market.
被人勾搭了我能察觉到的好吗
I know when I'm being hit on, OK?
我有七个叔叔 -我告诉你
I have seven uncles. - You know what else?
我就要直说那沙拉尝起来
I'm just going to say it, that salad tastes
就像达斯汀·霍夫曼的蛋蛋
like Dustin Hoffman's balls.
我又拿来几瓶酒
Here we go, more wine.
还是说我们调皮一点直接开始喝白兰地
Or should we be naughty and start on the cognac?
那个我们得走了
Yeah. Listen, we got to go.
我得回去吃治糖尿病的药了
I got to take medicine for my diabetes.
真遗憾你患了糖尿病
Oh, I'm so sorry. You have diabetes?
是啊可严重了
Oh, yeah, real bad.
一型还是二型
Oh. Type 1 or 2?
刚开始只是个普通的糖尿病
Well, it started with just one diabete.
然后疏于检查就
And then, you know, left unchecked- -
我完全理解
I completely understand.
我母亲和姐姐都是因糖尿病死亡
Diabetes killed my mother and my older sister.
好极了多谢你邀请我们布莱尔快走
Great, thanks for having us. Come on, Blaire.
咱们赶快离开这儿
Let's get the fuck out of here, huh?
很荣幸
Pleasure.
正如博尔赫斯所说
As Borges said,
每一次告别都是在学习
With every goodbye, you learn"
正如斯坦贝克所说
As Steinbeck said,
告别有一种甜蜜的不情愿的声音
Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance.
告别既短暂却又是终了
Goodbye is short and final. "
正如海明威所说我真想知道这枪子儿是什么滋味
As Hemingway said, "I wonder what this gun tastes like. "
好了我们走快走
AlI right, come on. Let's go, huh?
约翰尼你看上去还是很难过
Oh, Johnny, you still look so sad.
已经九点多了
It's after 9: 00.
泰迪说过这个时间会回来的
Ted promised to be back by now.
真遗憾宝贝
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
要是你想的话可以帮我
Well, if you want, you can help me clean
清理你♥爸♥的鸵鸟咬伤
your father's ostrich bite.
你认真的吗
Seriously?
你让我♥干♥这个处理我老爹的屁♥股♥
That's- that's your best offer, Dad's ass?
不如你邀请个朋友过来啊
Well, what if you invited a friend over?
你是真不知道吗我只有泰迪一个朋友
In case you haven't noticed, Ted's my only friend.
教会遇到的那个可爱的女人卡罗尔
That lovely new woman from church, Carol,
说她有个儿子
said she has a son.
我想他可能和你差不多大
I think he's about your age.
我不在乎
I don't care.
他可能和你一样成了个年轻人
He's probably growing into his body just like you.
我要邀请他过来吗
Should I invite him over?
什么鬼不要
What the fuck? No.
我打给卡罗尔问问吧
I think I'll call Carol.
为什么
Why?
苏珊纱布又掉下来了
Susan, the gauze came off.
又出血了
It's leaking again.
苏珊
Susan.
约翰尼拿件你不♥穿♥的T恤跟我来卫生间
Johnny, meet me in the bathroom with a T- shirt you don't wear.
不要带印花的
Nothing with a decal!
我天你特么能看着点路吗
Oh, my God. Can you fucking watch the road?
刚才是红灯啊 -我看见了
That was a red light. - I see it.
我只是选择不让它来定义我
I just- - I choose not to let it define me.
停车我来开车
Pull over I'm going to drive.
去他的吧
Fuck that.
是你非跟那个阴文学教授
You're the one who was chugging wine
不停喝酒
with that professor of cliterature.
就是文学这个词
You know, like- like literature, but like- -
嗯别说了 -然后前面加个阴蒂
Yeah, no. - With like, a clitoris.
我知道你什么意思 -好吧
I know what you mean. - All right.
我就怕你不知道嘛真是的
Just checking, God. Jesus Christ.
你就是个白♥痴♥
Yeah, and you're a fucking moron, by the way.
你知道吧 -我是白♥痴♥
You know that? - I'm a moron?
为什么我是白♥痴♥
Why am I a moron?
那个人是个杰出的作家
That man is a brilliant writer.
你是个啥
And what are you?
一个游手好闲的过期泰迪熊还有毒瘾
A deadbeat teddy bear with a drug problem.
嘿至少我还有毒瘾
Hey, at least I have a drug problem.
等等什么抱歉
Wait, what? Sorry.
草我真是操蛋
Fuck. I'm really fucked up, man.
太好了也许这样你就能承认
Great, well, you know, maybe then you can
你根本不知道
acknowledge the fact that you have no idea
自己在说什么
what you're talking about.
你能闭上嘴好好开车吗
Look, will you just shut up and drive?
开车的是你好吗
You're driving!
草
Oh, fuck!
好吧刚才那是个红灯
OK, that was a red light.
嘿亲我回来了
Hey, honey, I'm home.
我让你买♥♥的是咸味苏打饼干
I told you to get the salted crackers.
约翰尼下楼啊
Johnny, come on downstairs!
约翰这位是威尔我跟你说的那个男孩
John, this is Will, the boy I was telling you about.
哟哟哟
Yo, yo, yo.
威尔也正不知道万圣节做什么好呢
Will's also looking for something to do on Halloween.
约翰今晚需要个朋友
Oh. - John needs a friend tonight.
因为他的泰迪熊不在所以他有点不开心
He's upset because his teddy bear's not here.
没问题
That's cool, man.
哇这地方简直像个宅邸
Wow, this place is like a mansion.
我去给你们做点恐怖饼干去
I'm going to go make you boys some spooky cookies.
有羊排就好了
I'lI take a lamb chop, though.
如果你们有的话就当个开胃菜了
If you got one, just get it going.
我可以接受的
I'll take it.
那么你今晚打算干啥
It's so what do you wanna do?
你多大了
How old are you?
38
38.
我选择跟我妈一起住
I live with my mom by choice.
给你介绍下我自己吧
Uh- huh. A little bit about myself.
我在通用磨坊从事质管工作
I work in quality control at General Mills.
早餐的每一批麦片我都会严格检查
I inspect every batch of breakfast cereal.
我就是你的嘴和老鼠屎之间的
I'm the last line of defense between your mouth
最后一道防线
and rat feces.
我希望你擅长自己的工作
I- - I hope you're good at your job.
我不擅长别再吃麦片了
I'm not. Stop eating cereal.
还有什么呢
What else is there?
我有钢铁丹的所有唱片
I own every Steely Dan album.
我是个玩地下城的专家
I'm an expert dungeon master.
我涉猎了畜牧业
I dabble in animal husbandry.
我想说的是约翰尼
I guess what I'm trying to say, Johnny,
你也可以拥有这么多
is you can have it all.
要来口酒不
You want a Zima?
不用了谢谢
A Zi- - no, I'm good.
你想看小黄♥片♥儿吗
You want to look at some porn?
你有黄♥片♥
You got porn?