泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E05

Part 6 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:31 p.m.

你不就是在集♥会♥上问正经问题的那个吗
Aren't you the guy who asked the question at assembly?
很多人想知道药物的
A lot of people wanted to know about the long- term
长♥期♥副作用
side effects of drugs.
本内特夫人这件衬衫是你自己挑的吗
Mrs. Bennett, did you pick out the blouse yourself?
是的
Yeah.
《老负鼠的群猫英雄谱》
"Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats"
裙子也是你自己挑的吗
Did you pick out the skirt yourself too?
是的
I did.
我的裙子有问题吗
Is there something wrong with my skirt?
除非是你觉得马歇尔折扣百货
I mean, not unless you're someone who thinks
太贵了
Marshalls is too pricey.
嘿艾琳
Hey, Erin
嗨泰迪
Hi. Ted.
我们从没正式说过话但我知道你这人怎么样
We've never officially talked. But I know your work
听着我觉得苏珊是个很棒的老师
Listen, I think Susan's doing a terrific job.
所以我想现在是告诉你
So I figured this is a good time
这事儿的好时机我们都知道你去年
to tell you, we all know about the nose job
做了鼻整形手术
you had last year.
大家都看出来了
You didn't fool anybody.
因为我们都记得手术前
Because we all remember before the surgery
你想亲丹尼·桑图奇
when you tried to kiss Danny Santucci,
结果你把他的眼睛戳出来了
and you poked his eye out
还有除了你镇上的人都知道
Also, and everybody in town knows this except you.
你♥爸♥爸其实是你的叔叔他可能潜意识下
Your dad is really your uncle, which may have subconsciously
把你搞得一团糟导致了你饮食失调
fucked you up and caused you eating disorder, which is also
这也不是什么秘密因为每个人
no secret because everybody's heard you
都听到过你在卫生间里呕吐
throwing up in the bathroom.
而且我最近发现你还是处
And also, I recently found out you're
这很有趣因为这事儿
a virgin, which is interesting, because you've
你也一直在撒谎
been lying about that too.
所以我希望你可以给你男朋友口♥交♥
So I hope you do give your boyfriend fellatio
因为至少你的喉咙里除了
because at least then there's something
你的手指还能进点别的东西
going down your throat besides your finger.
都说全了吧
That about cover it?
上帝啊泰迪
Jesus Christ, Teddy.
对不起
Sorry.
我们在家为苏珊做的还不够
We don't do enough for Susan at home.
所以我觉得有义务维护她
So I felt obligated to say those things.
好吧继续讲吧苏珊
Well, go ahead, Susan.
好吧你们先继续读
Well, go ahead and read
J·阿尔弗雷德·普鲁弗洛克的情歌♥
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. "
我马上就回来
I'll be right back.
在本老师来之前
You know, before Mrs. B. I didn't
我对读书一点也不感兴趣
care nothing about reading.
但是她让我睁开了眼睛
But she opened my eyes.
这些诗真的和说唱歌♥曲差不多
These poems really are just like rap songs.
哦亲爱的
Oh, sweetie.
你还好吗
Are you OK?
我是个彻头彻尾的废物
I'm a total fucking loser!
哦亲爱的
Oh, honey.
不不你不是
No, no, you're not.
你是一个非常特别的女孩
You're a very special girl.
我就是知道
Ijust know it.
我真是个灾难
I'm a fucking disaster.
我的整个人生完全就是一团糟
My whole life is an absolute fucking mess.
你才16岁
You're 16.
你的人生还没开始呢
Your life hasn't even started yet.
你仍然可以成为任何你想成为的人
You can still be anyone you want to be.
对不起我之前嘴太贱了
I'm sorry I was such a bitch.
我像你这么大的时候
You know, when I was your age,
总觉得自己的耳朵太大了
I used to think my ears were too big.
后来有一天我在杂♥志♥上看到一张照片
And then one day Isaw a picture in a magazine
照片上的女孩耳朵畸形因为她妈妈
of a girl with a deformed ear because her mother smoked
在怀着她的时候抽烟
while she was in the womb.
太可怕了
It was awful.
她耳朵就像一小块爆米花
It was like a little piece of popcorn.
然后我意识到也许我应该
And then I realized that maybe I had more
感激我拥有的一切
to be grateful for than I knew because at least I
因为至少我有两只耳朵
had both my ears.
我想到杂♥志♥上的那个女孩
I think about that girl in the magazine.
我就
And I just
我就希望有人能给她一份不用
I hope somebody gave her a job where she doesn't have
和公众打交道的工作
to interact with the public.
这太操蛋了这个故事的每句话
That's fucked up, like, all of it,
都很操蛋
every part of that story.
你本来的样子就很完美
You are perfect just the way you are.
我相信你父母每天
And I'm sure your parents tell you that
都这么跟你说对吧
every day, don't they?
不不完全是
No, not really.
他们只会沉迷于解决
They're just obsessed with solving
我弟弟那愚蠢的谋杀案
my brother's stupid murder.
说真的你们也有女儿不是吗
It's, like, you have a daughter too.
你想要一些巧克力牛奶吗
Would you like some chocolate milk?
不了不用
No, I'm OK
你真是位好心女士本内特老师
You're a really nice lady Mrs. Bennett.
所以全都跟我说说
So I want to hear all about it.
你会为她骄傲的布莱尔
You would have been wicked proud of her, Blaire.
她表现得很棒 -对
She did great. Yeah.
我是说我遇到了一道数学难题
I mean, I was having trouble with a math problem.
然后她把单位转换成
And then she converted the units
我们街上的物品
into items from my street.
我就懂了
And I got it.
这真是一次难忘的经历
It was a memorable experience.
天啊苏阿姨我不得不说我真为你骄傲
God, Aunt Sus, I just have to say, I am so proud of you.
你想做老师已经几十年了
You've wanted this for decades.
你终于做到了
And it's finally yours.
顺便说一句我说那些话的时候不知道
By the way, I didn't know that girl's brother
那女孩的弟弟被谋杀了
was murdered when I said that stuff.
我是说真的你进步了
I mean, really, you stepped up.
你做到了
And you did it.
怎么了
What's the matter?
布莱尔我不回去了
Blaire, I'm not going back.
你不回去了吗
You're not?
不回去了
No.
为什么
Why?
只是不适合我
It's just not for me.
嗯你看
Well, look
我肯定会有一些磕磕绊绊
I'm sure there were a few bumps.
但这只是你的第一天
But it's just your first day.
下次会更好的
Next time, it's going to be even better.
布莱尔我和你不一样
Blaire, I'm not like you.
你想要的生活和我想要不一样
You want something different out of life than I do.
多年前我想教书
Years ago, I wanted to teach.
但是在过去的某个时刻
But somewhere along the line
嗯现在不一样了
well, it's different now.
我很欣赏你的坚强还有
You know, I admire how strong you are and
你对这个世界的渴望
and what you want from the world.
但那不是我
But it's not who I am.
我对我的生活很满意
I'm happy with my life.
但你的生活不能只有巧克力牛奶
But your life can't just be about chocolate milk
和马蒂的大便
and Matty's stools.
我现在还在整理头绪
You know, I'm just putting it together now.
但你觉得可能是巧克力奶喝多了乳糖太多害他窜稀的吗
But you think all the lactose is maybe the reason he's so- -
哦布莱尔我完全不这么看
Oh, Blaire. I don't see it that way at all
我一天中最开心的事就是帮
I mean, the best part of my day was helping
那个做了鼻整形手术女孩
that girl with the nose job.
那个鼻整形手术太糟糕了 -那个鼻整形手术确实没做好
Oh, it's a terrible nose job. It's a terrible nose job.
我不想让她感觉难过
And I didn't want her to feel badly about it.
但陪在她身边安慰她让我感觉很好
But just being there for her made me feel so good.
这是我的特殊能力布莱尔
That's my special power, Blaire,