泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E03

Part 3 Jan. 17, 2024, 11:49 a.m.

这就是这就是鲍伯·鲁斯
It is. It is Bob this is Bob Ross.
差不多就是你哥们儿
Well, you're a tough fit, pal.
要么用他要么用一双UGG靴子
It was either him or a pair of UGG boots.
你现在尽管笑吧但很快
Oh, yeah, laugh it up now, but pretty soon,
我就会在我朋友身边高♥潮♥了
I'll be having an orgasm next to my friend.
等等等等还不行还不行
Wait, wait, not yet! Not yet!
那个混♥蛋♥还在那
That other bastard's still there.
假装我们只是来租电影的
Act like we're just here to rent a movie.
嗯很好
Ah, yes.
这看起来是部不错的非色情片
This looks like a good, non- sexual film.
对我听过很多关于这部电影的
Oh, yes, I have heard many great,
很棒的与性无关的好评
non- sexual things about this movie.
彼得·特拉弗斯称之为一场无性场景的大笑暴♥乱♥
Peter Travers calls it "a sex- free laugh riot. "
《时代》杂♥志♥ 就和老妈拉肚子一样性感
"Time"magazine says, "about as erotic as mom's diarrhea. "
啥玩意儿
The fuck?
啥 -那是啥玩意儿
What? - The fuck was that?
你是什么意思我只是在扩展你说的话
What do you mean? I'm just expanding on your thing.
我不是说的那种
That's not what I was doing.
即兴表演的关键就是“是的然后” 好吗
Improv's all about"Yes, and..."OK?
你不能在戏演到一半的时候
You can't just shut me down like that
就这样让我闭嘴
in the middle of a scene.
别先说”老妈拉肚子”这种话
Don't do"mom's diarrhea"
然后告诉我该怎么即兴表演
and then tell me how I'm fucking supposed to do improv.
真的服了
Jesus Christ.
嗨 -嗨
Hey Hey.
好吧
AII right.
我要走了 -回见
I'm out of here. Later.
祝你过得愉快
Have a good one.
好了走吧
AlI right, let s move.
抱歉未成年不许进
Excuse me. Uh- uh. Adults only.
啊对当然
Ah, yes. Of course.
我们多健忘啊 -噢别担心
How forgetful of us. - Oh, don't worry.
这这种事经常发生
This, uh, this happens all the time.
我理解你为什么会犯这种错
I understand your mistake.
天啊
Oh, my God
怎么啦
What?
你是鲍伯·鲁斯
You're Bob Rossl
对
Uh, yes.
我就是
Yes, I am.
鲁斯先生我是你的超级粉丝
Mr. Ross, I am a huge fan of yours.
好吧谢谢
Oh, uh, well, thanks.
我超爱你的整个艺术哲学贬耵醚
I love your whole artistic philosophy.
你给每棵树和每一片云都分配了动作
The way you assign a motion to every tree and cloud.
嗯是挺好
Yeah, well, great.
听着我们要去成人区给自己
Um, listen, we're going to head to the adult section
找个快乐的小灌木丛
and find ourselves a happy, little bush.
一会儿见
See you in a bit.
看起来你们打算看很久啊
Looks like you're having quite a marathon.
嗯是的是为了筹款
Uh, yes. It's for a fundraiser.
为什么
Oh, for what?
打飞机
Jerking
为治疗肌肉萎缩症筹款
for Muscular Dystrophy.
啊嗯机肌筹款很合理
Oh, yeah. JMD, of course.
嘿你这儿租几盘磁带有限制吗
Hey, is there a limit on how many tapes you can rent?
你不用遵守这个规定鲁斯先生
Not for you, Mr. Ross.
好了这些录像带周四要还回来
AlI right, these tapes are due back Thursday.
丢失或损坏的磁带要付80美元
There's an $80 fee for any missing or damaged tapes.
好贵
That s a lot of money.
好多片
That's a lot of porn
你知道吗别人也要看这个的
You know, other people want to masturbate, too!
今晚不行伙计
on all Not tonight, pal.
看看这个地方
Look at this place.
这可真是个神奇的夜晚
Isn't this a magical night?
我的袜子破了一个大洞
My sock's got a big hole in it.
如果我把袜子扯下来你能把它塞进包里吗
If I tear it off, will you shove it in your purse?
看马蒂
Oh, look, Matty!
他们有专人给人拧胡椒哎
They have a whole man just for the pepper!
我们去点个需要胡椒的菜吧
Oh, let's get something that needs pepper.
我像他这么大的时候
When I was his age,
正在一个小屋一个小屋地解放越南芽庄
I was liberating Nha Trang hut- by- hut.
但是是的当然给人拧胡椒也不错
But yeah, sure. Pepper boy's good, too.
天哪一切都好高端了
Gosh, everything's just so fancy- schmancy.
我感觉像颁奥斯卡金像奖现场
I feel like Academy Awards.
大家好今晚过得怎么样
Hi there. How are we doing tonight, folks?
我的袜子让我难受
My sock's bugging me.
真是很抱歉
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
您要点菜吗
Can I take your order?
马蒂他太贴心了
Matty, he's so sweet.
你叫什么名字
What's your name?
凯文女士
Kevin, ma'am.
凯文你回家打电♥话♥给你妈妈
Kevin, you go home, you call your mother,
告诉她弗雷明汉的苏珊·本内特说
and you tell her Susan Bennett from Framingham
你干得很棒
said you did an excellent job.
我母亲患有老年痴呆症晚期
My mother has advanced Alzheimer's.
她根本不知道我是谁
She has no idea who I am.
我要螃蟹
I'll have the crab.
我问你个问题小凯
Let me ask you a question there, Kev- o.
为什么纽约客牛排要24美元
Why is the New York strip 24 bucks
在里科超♥市♥却才8美元
but at Rico's Market, it's like 8?
超♥市♥的价格和餐厅的
Well, supermarket prices and restaurant prices
价格不一样 -对对对
are different- - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
加价挺高的煎一下就加价16块
It's a pretty sweet markup, 16 bucks for heat.
你觉得公平吗凯文
That seem fair to you, Kev- o?
您可以花9美元
You could order the junior steak
点儿童菜单上的小牛排
off the kids menu for $9.
这倒是有点合理了好
Now we're getting somewhere. OK.
看到了吗苏珊他先眨了眨眼
See that, Susan? He blinked first.
随附儿童活动书
Comes with your choice
或弯弯吸管您要什么
of an activity booklet or a silly straw.
都要小凯
Both, Kev- o.
堆得高高的
Pile it high and good!
好的先生
Yes, sir.
给 -谢谢
Here you go. - Thank you.
稍等帮我个忙
Hang on. Do me a favor.
帮我把这个扔了好吗
Throw this out for me, would you?
在游轮上当服务员不是更有趣吗
Wouldn't it be fun to be a waiter on a cruise ship?
因为下班即到家
Because when you're done, you're already home.
我要讲给他听
I'm going to tell him that.
好了开始吧
AlI right, here we go.
♪黄♥片♥时间黄♥片♥时间♪
♪Porno time, porno time♪
♪黄♥片♥ 黄♥片♥ 黄♥片♥时间♪
♪Porno, porno, porno time!♪
黄♥片♥时间
Porno timel
好放一部进去 -好
AII right, let's put one in All right.
等等等等等一下
Wait, wait. Hang on a second.
在我们开始之前我们得树立一些基本规则
Before we start, we got to have some ground rules.
你是什么意思
What do you mean?
嗯比如你坐在哪儿
Well, like, where are you sitting?
在沙发上
On the couch.
哦不不不不
Oh, no, no, no, no.
我不想让你进入我的视线
I don't want you in my eyeline.
好吧我们可以建个隔板之类的东西
OK, we could, like, build a divider or something,
比如枕头堡垒
like a pillow fort.
嗯我说不好也许我们应该单独看
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe we should watch alone.
就像轮班一样
Like in shifts.
嗯我不想一个人看黄♥片♥
Yeah, I don't want to watch porn alone.
感觉特别悲惨
That feels tragic.
好吧那我们一起看
AlI right, then we'll watch it together.
一起看感觉很诡异
Yeah, well that feels creepy.
约翰我们是要看黄♥片♥
John, we're watching porn.
要么很诡异要么很悲惨
It's either going to be creepy or tragic.