泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E01

Part 1 Jan. 15, 2024, 7:35 p.m.

LET'SGO
1985年小约翰·本内特
narrator: In 1985, little John Bennett
向流星许愿
wished on a shooting star
希望自己的泰迪熊能活过来
that his teddy bear would come to life.
神奇的是他的愿望成真了
Magically, it happened.
泰迪随即走红全球成了现象级明星
Ted was an instant, worldwide phenomenon.
但如今时间来到了1993年
But now, it's 1993.
和所有爆火的事物一样
And like every phenomenon,
最终都会过气
eventually, nobody gives a shit.
我的言语懈怠
* My words are lazy J
我的思绪朦胧
J My thoughts are hazy J
但有一件事我确定
But this is one thing I'm sure of J
所有人都需要一个好朋友
J Everybody needs a best friend
很开心我是你的好朋友
I'm happy I'm yours ∫
草,不动了,我来弄弄看
Fuck, it's not working. Here, let me try something,
你得吹吹
You got to blow on it.
我正要吹
That's what I'm doing.
不不你得用力吹
No, no, you got to like really blow on it.
拿来
Here.
哟以后被你这么吹的男人不得舒服死
Wow, you are going to make some guy very happy one day
滚一边去
Fuck off.
再来一次要有眼神交流
Try it again with eye contact.
滚蛋吧
Fuck you, man.
看看好了没
See if it works.
SONY
好了蘑菇王国
All right, Mushroom Kingdom.
看到我的车钥匙了吗
Anybody seen my car keys?
刚才在地上呢
Yeah, they were on the floor
老爸踩到了还生气了
Dad stepped on them and got mad.
他把我的钥匙怎么了
What'd he do with'em?
应该是扔了吧
Think he threw'em.
我去
Shit.
马里奥和路易吉本来就是小锉子吗
Hey, are Mario and Luigi supposed to be midgets?
什么意思
What do you mean?
他们也太矮了
They're wicked short.
他们的角色设计的就是
Like, is it part of their character
小矮子吗还是
that they're midgets, or is
老天爷你是认真的吗
Jesus Christ. Seriously?
怎么了
What?
矮个子
Little people.
对啊我问的就是这个
Yeah, that's why I'm asking
他们本来就是小锉子吗
Are they supposed to be midgets?
你不能说小锉子你得说矮个子
You don't say "midget." You say "little people."
一小锉子很冒犯的一为什么
" Midget " is rude. - Why is it rude?
因为就是很冒犯啊这就是个烂词
Because it just is. It's a fucked-up word
如果你身高不高有人叫你小锉子
I mean, how would you like it if you were a little person
你会怎么想
and :
someone called you that?
严格意义上来说我确实
Well, I mean, technically -
-这不一样-怎么不一样了
- That's not the same. - Why not?
你是个泰迪熊
You're a teddy bear.
那又怎样有什么关系呢
So what? Doesn't matter.
对对这么说吧我就是个小锉子
Yeah, yeah, you know what? I am a midget
就不麻烦你教导我们小锉子
And I will thank you not to tell our community
怎么说话了
how to use our word
干得漂亮泰迪
Well done, Teddy.
谢谢
Thank you.
苏珊就说一次嘛
Susan, just say it once.
不-就一次
- Nope. - Just one time.
-不-她不会说的
- No. - She's not going to do it.
来嘛就说个草
Come on, just one "fuck."
不她不想下地狱
No, she doesn't want to go to hell
说嘛苏珊
Come on, Susan.
我不用说这种话也能表达自己的想法
I can express myself without that kind of language
谢谢了拜托了我们在打赌呢
Thank you. - Come on, we got a bet going.
就一次-打什么赌
Just one time. - What's the bet?
赌泰迪能让妈妈说脏话
Oh, that Ted can get Mom to swear.
哟呵太特么成熟了
Oh, wow, so fucking adult.
艾我们在吃晚饭呢
Hey, we're at dinner.
就说个我♥草♥
Just say "shit.'
我去
Shoot.
竖个中指也行
Just give us the finger
竖了
There's your finger.
说波兰佬
Say " Polack."
泰迪不是吧
Ted, really?
这又不是种族有什么不能说的
It's not a race. You can say it.
对啊不就是一群人吗
Yeah, it's just a bunch of guys.
好了赶紧吃晚饭吧家人们
OK, just eat your supper, fellas.
她不会说脏话的
She's not going to swear, man.
我赢了-草
I win. - Ah, fuck.
给钱
Pay up.
谢了
Thank you.
你都没穿裤子哪掏出来的钱
Wait, you're not wearing pants. Where'd you get this?
我怎么装东西用不着你操心
Don't you worry about where I'm keeping stuff.
马蒂亲爱的这都第四瓶了
Matty, honey, that's your fourth beer.
对我今天过得太糟心了
Yeah, I had a shit day.
四瓶啤酒对于波士顿人来说就相当于一瓶
Yeah, four is like a Boston one.
没问题的
He's OK.
真遗憾你今天过得不顺利亲爱的
I'm sorry your day was hard, honey.
你遗憾有什么用又修不好车
Yeah, well, sorry doesn't fix the car.
车怎么了爸爸
What happened to the car, Dad?
后挡泥板撞烂了
Whole rear fender got smashed.
严重吗
Well, how bad is it?
至少得400刀
It's go ing to be at least 40o bucks.
-谁撞的-我没看见
- Who hit it? - I didn't see.
但我当时停在香港自助餐厅外面所以
But I was parked outside the Hong Kong buffet, so.
你们懂的
Do the math.
等等你什么意思
I'm sorry, what?
我就说说嘛
I'm just saying.
这也太扯淡了
Wow, that is such complete bullshit.
哎大家在吃晚饭呢
Hey, we're at dinner.
这就是毫无道理的刻板印象啊
It's a bullshit stereotype.
和我的车说去吧
Tell that to my car.
上帝啊
Swear to God
这家人太落后了
this whole household is so goddamn backward.
泰迪今天下午说了两个悔辱词
Ted has used two derogatory terms this afternoon.
你现在又来掺一脚
And then there you go
发表如此无知的言论
topping it off with that ignorant comment.
我就说了个小锉子另一个是啥
I said "midget." What was the other one?
我不知道
Yeah, I don't know.
你和我的家人生活在我的家里
You're living in my house with my family,
吃我们的食物喝我们的牛奶
eating our food, and drinking our milk.
看不惯就自己受着吧
Tough shit if you don't like it.
这这太好了
That's just --that's great.
很开心你没有把我
I'm so glad you don't count me
看作家庭一员马蒂叔叔
as a member of the family, Uncle Matty.
是不是波兰佬啊
May be " Polack "?
不不可能是这个词这词多好呀
No, couldn't be that. That one's fine.
布莱尔你当然是这个家庭的一份子
Blaire, you are absolutely a member of this family.
马蒂和她道歉
Matty, tell her you're sorry.
他怎么可能道歉
Of course he won't.
要是道歉了不就承认我是对的了吗
Because if he did, he'd be admitting I'm right,
也承认了他就是个典型的波士顿种族主义者
which would also be admitting he is a classic Boston racist.
我不是种族主义者
I'm not a racist!
我最爱的电影可是《洛奇》
My favorite movie is " Rocky.'
这有什么关系吗
How the fuck does that make you not racist?
里面有阿波罗·克里德啊
Uh, Apollo Creed is in the movie.
所以呢
So?
他是个黑人打赢了白人
So he's a Black guy who wins against a white guy.
我勒个天啊
Oh, my God.
当然前提是把意大利人看作白人
I mean, it's assuming you count Italians as whites,
我一般都这么看