泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E04

Part 1 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:31 p.m.

♪我笨口拙舌♪
♪-*My words are lazy♪
♪我呆头呆脑♪
♪My thoughts are hazy♪
♪但有一件事我很确定♪
♪But this is one thing I'm sure of♪
♪每个人都需要一个好朋友♪
♪Everybody needs a best friend ♪
♪我很开心我是你的♪
♪I'm happy I'm yours♪
哦宝贝来吧
Oh, baby. Here we go.
节日活动快开始吧
Let the festivities begin.
一共有多少 -让我看看
How many have we got? - Well, let's see.
一共二十盒一盒12个鸡蛋
We got 20 cartons, 12 eggs in each.
那就是20打鸡蛋呢
That's got to be like, 20 dozen eggs, right?
真是好极了
Fucking fantastic.
你觉得我们现在干这个是不是太幼稚了
Do you think we're getting too old for this?
拜托约翰尼咱们这是为公众服务
Oh, come on, Johnny, we're doing a public service here.
要是一个孩子穿着丑啦吧唧的万圣节装扮
If a kid leaves the house in a less than stellar Halloween
我们就得尽早让他知道
costume, he's got to get the bad news
以免他在整个镇上出尽洋相
before he makes a fool of himself all over town.
我们是大善人
We're Samaritans.
还记得去年吗
You remember last year?
看看这个
Oh, check it out. There's one.
穿的真不错啊蠢蛋
Hey, nice costume, fuckface!
搞什么啊
Ah! What the hell?
你这穿的是什么
Hey, what the fuck are you supposed to be?
我是绿巨人浩克 -你才不是呢
I'm the Hulk. - Yeah, no, you're not.
我就是
Yes, I am!
浩克才不会在身上
The Hulk doesn't have a fucking picture
印一个自己的头像
of the Hulk on his chest.
对啊浩克的衣服上才不会写我是浩克
Yeah, the Hulk's shirt doesn't say "The Hulk" on it.
要是你想告诉我们你是浩克
Yeah, if you got to tell us you're the Hulk,
那你已经失败了
it's already a failed narrative.
去死吧
Fuck you.
你们俩混♥蛋♥
Ah! You assholes!
浩克生气了
Hulk angry.
是呢是呢 -随你吧老弟
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever, dude.
浩克要出击
Hulk smash!
回药店去出击吧
Yeah, go back to Walgreens and smash there.
你有没有注意到浩克只用第三人称
Hey, you ever notice how the Hulk only talks about himself
称呼自己
in the third person?
我知道他就像鲍勃·多尔
I know. He's like Bob Dole.
草
Shit!
我们还有多长时间
AlI right, how much time we got?
几小时吧
Uh, a couple hours.
你想做什么
What do you want to do?
看恐怖电影 -恐怖电影
Scary movie? - Scary movie.
等等怎么回事
Wait, what the hell?
《德州电锯杀人狂》呢
Where's"Texas Chainsaw Massacre"?
嘿布莱尔
Hey, hey, Blaire.
咋了
Yeah.
我以为你会去租些恐怖电影呢
I thought you were going to rent scary movies.
我租了啊
I did.
迪士尼的《时光倒流三十年》闹什么呢
Walt Disney's"Watcher in the Woods, "what the fuck?
电锯狂魔什么的又粗鄙又没深度
Chainsaws are lazy and obvious.
这电影很有头脑
This is cerebral.
而且非常恐怖
And it's a really scary movie.
这可是迪士尼的电影
Walt Disney?
80年代早期的迪斯尼暗黑时期
Early"80s Disney, the dark period.
狗屁暗黑时期再怎么也是迪士尼啊
Oh, what dark period? It's fucking Disney.
你们会被吓到的
You'll be scared.
拜托我看过《阿♥拉♥丁》没什么好吓人的
Oh, come on, I saw "Aladdin, "and I was fine
我也没坐在那儿大喊贾法尔好可怕啊
I wasn't sitting there like, oh, no, fucking Jafar
我们已经不是小孩子了布莱尔
You know, we're not kids anymore, Blaire.
就是
Yeah.
我连续四次剪头发都没哭
I haven't cried last four haircuts.
就是 -我都开始用除臭剂了
Yeah. I'm using deodorant now.
就是除臭剂
Yeah, deodorant.
那行啊我看你们敢不敢看
Fine, I dare you to watch it.
看看会不会把你们吓到屁滚尿流
See if it doesn't mess you up
行啊 -没问题
Fine, sure- No problem.
不不 -不不不
Oh, no. - No, no, no.
不不不 -要我不喜欢这样
No, no, no. - No, no, I don't like this.
这感觉很不好 -不
This is not good. No.
别啊
Nope.
不要不要不要
both: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
我不喜欢这样
Don't like this.
别这样 -住手啊
Come on. - Oh, stop.
别啊 -住手啊
Come on. Stop it.
别这样 -快住手啊
Come on. Oh, stop it!
别这样 -快住手
Come on. Stop it!
我去 -别啊
Goddammit! Come on!
搞什么 -拜托啊
What the fuck? - Come on!
草你这个混♥蛋♥ 布莱尔
Fuck, you're a piece of shit, Blaire.
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
草草草草草
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
快拿开 -快关掉
Get it off. - Turn it off.
赶快给我关掉 -我的天哪
Turn it the fuck off. - Oh, my God.
我再也不敢盯着镜子看了
I'm never looking in a mirror again.
我也是我的老天爷啊
Me neither fucking God!
我连胡子也不敢刮了
I'm never going to be able to shave.
我谢谢你全家布莱尔
Yeah. Thanks, Blaire.
他现在只能留胡子了
Now he's going to have to grow a mustache.
这会限制我的职业生涯的
Oh, that's going to limit my career choices
对啊他就只能当个警♥察♥或者消防员了
Yeah, he's going to have to be a cop or a fireman.
那可都是危险工作 -就是啊
Oh, those are dangerous jobs. Yeah.
万一他死了咋办
What if he gets killed?
天哪布莱尔你也太操蛋了
God, Blaire, you're such a fucker.
下次别因为一个除臭剂
Well, next time, don't be so smug with all
那么自鸣得意啊
your cocky deodorant talk.
你好
Hello?
恐怖电影里面出现镜子就是极度恐怖预警
Man, mirrors in horror movies are like a huge red flag.
嘿莎伦怎么了
Oh, hey, Sharon. What's up?
镜子还有小孩子
Mirrors and small children
指着你看不到的东西
pointing at things that you can't see.
草没错这太恐怖了
Oh, shit. Yeah, that's a bad one
天哪你没事吧
God, are you sure?
还有当一个黑小伙说
Oh, and when the Black guy says
我去看看地下室什么声音
oh, I'll go check out what the noise is in the basement
总会出事情
That's always trouble
多谢你告诉我
Well, thank you for telling me.
对啊为什么总是黑小伙死掉
Yeah, why does the Black guy always die?
不没关系我自己想办法
No, it's fine. I'll figure it out.
这难道不是种族歧视嘛
Yeah, isn't that kind of racist?
感觉就是啊
Seems like it.
这种电影里就应该只有白人
They should have only white people in those movies.
对啊这样黑小伙就不会死了
Oh, yeah, so then the Black guys won't get killed.
好我待会联♥系♥你
Yeah, I'll talk to you later.
布莱尔我们想到一个好主意
Blaire, we just came up with a great way
让电影不再那么种族主义
to make movies less racist.
莎伦特别不想去
Sharon is conscientiously objecting
今天的化妆派对所以我需要一个司机
to this costume party tonight, so I need a designated driver.
你能去吗 -我
Can you do it? - Me?
不今晚不行
No, not tonight.
我和泰迪有好多事要干呢
Yeah, me and Ted got massive plans.
可我自己开不了车
Well, I can't drive myself.
我肯定会喝了一肚子果冻酒
I'lI be full of Jell- O shots.
喝点酒而已那有什么的
So you have a few drinks, big deal.
你知道不人们从不告诉你醉驾是什么感觉
You know what nobody ever talks about with drunk driving?
超级有趣的
How fun it is.
约翰还没考驾照呢
John doesn't have his license yet.
而你 -这就好像打电玩一样
And you- - It's like a video game.
你欠我的 -欠你什么了
You owe me. - For what?
苏珊阿姨发现你们租的黄♥片♥
I took the heat went Aunt Suze found