泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E07

Part 3 Jan. 27, 2024, 11:39 a.m.

操
Ah, shit.
泰迪如果我永远都是处怎么办
Teddy, what if I'm a virgin forever?
我该怎么办
I mean, what do I do?
看
Look,
我知道找鸡洞的事没成
I know the glory hole thing didn't work out,
但至少我们参观了这座城市
but at least we got to see the city.
我们还遇到了那个友善的流浪汉
We met that friendly homeless guy
他给我们上了一课然后死了
who taught us a lesson and then died.
是啊但如果这就是我的未来呢
Yeah, but I mean, like, what if this is my future?
如果是的话你就得
Well, if it is, you just gotta learn
学会接受那种尴尬
to live with the embarrassment.
我是说情况可能更糟的
Yeah, I mean, it could be worse.
比如贝尔维迪尔先生坐在自己的蛋蛋上了
I mean, Mr. Belvedere sat on his own balls
不得不去医院
and had to go to the hospital.
什么 -没错
What? - Yeah.
我说那就是奇耻大辱
Yeah. I mean, that's humiliation.
你是说电视剧里那个贝尔维迪尔先生吗
Like- - like, Mr. Belvedere from the TV show?
对对
Yeah. Yeah, man.
他在好莱坞圣诞游♥行♥时
He was riding in a convertible
坐着敞篷车
during the Hollywood Christmas parade,
向后摔倒撞碎了自己的蛋
fell backwards, crushed his own balls.
我滴妈
Jesus.
如果是你的话你是想在游♥行♥中出这种意外呢
Would you rather have that happen to you at a parade
还是出肯尼迪那种意外
or what happened to JFK happen to you at a parade?
噢天呐我是真的说不好
Oh, God, I honestly don't know.
这很难回答对吧
Yeah, that's a tough one, right?
这个问题很难回答这是我听过的
That's a really tough one. That's, like, one of
最艰难的二选一了
the hardest would- you- rathers I've ever heard.
我知道这就像是个脑筋急转弯
I know. That's, like, a brainteaser.
天啊我太嗨了没法去想那事儿
God, I'm too high to think about that.
确实很难回答
Yeah, it's a tough one.
好吧不管了
Okay, all right, fuck this.
我们得弄点真正的大♥麻♥来
We gotta get some real weed.
嘿去问问希拉·博格瓦特怎么样
Hey, what about Sheila Borgwardt?
那个辣得要死的希拉吗
What, like, smoking- hot Sheila?
记得吗之前就是她帮我们介绍的
Yeah, remember, she hooked us up before.
她让我们去找的那个毒贩子就是布莱尔
She sent us to that dealer who turned out to be Blaire.
是啊确实不太妙
Oh, yeah, that wasn't good.
就像流浪汉乔说的
Well, it's just like Homeless Joe said.
当心如愿以
Be careful what you wish
啊我的心脏
Agh, my heart.
嗯 -对他死了
Yeah Yeah, he died.
Oh. Hey. 嘿
嘿
Hey.
泰迪是吧
Ted, right?
对没错
Yeah, that's right.
嘿你姐姐在吗
Uh, hey, is your sister here?
在
Uh, yeah.
希拉有人找
Sheila, you got company!
再见
See you later.
约翰
John?
哦你好贝瑟尼
Oh. Hi, Bethany.
嗨最近怎么样
Hi. How's it going?
挺好
Uh, it's going good.
我的我的泰迪熊在楼上
My, uh- my teddy bear's upstairs
从你姐那里买♥♥毒品
buying drugs from your sister.
挺好
Ah, nice.
那天的性教育课真奇怪
Wh- - sex ed class was weird the other day.
是啊太奇怪了
Oh, yeah, it was super weird.
是啊我还是忘不了
Yeah, I still can't get the image
梅纳德老师把避孕套套在香蕉上的画面
of Mr. Maynard putting a condom on a banana out of my head.
我懂你的意思对吧就像
Oh, yeah, I know, right? Like- -
就像你能想象你就是那根香蕉
like, can you imagine, like, being a banana,
然后你被摘下树然后你被放在船上
and- - and, like, you get picked, and then you get put on a boat,
然后你被放到市场上
and then you get put into the market,
然后你在路上想着啊
and- and you're thinking the whole time, like,
哦我希望我能被做成奶油派
oh, I hope I get to be made into, like, a cream pie
或者被人假装用来打电♥话♥
or, like, used as a phone for humor.
结果你最后到了我们的教室里
And then you're just sitting in our class,
假装是个鸡♥巴♥
pretending to be a dick.
我得走了
Well, I- I gotta go.
嗯好吧行
Oh, okay, yeah, for sure.
嗯 -嗯很高兴见到你
Yeah Yeah. Good to see you.
再见
See you later.
你保证这是给你自己的对吧
You promise this is just for you, right?
因为我不想因为教唆罪被抓
Cause I don't want to get busted for enabling.
我保证只是给我和嘟嘟乐队的其他成员的
Nope, just me and the rest of the guys in the doo- wop group.
那些人需要兴奋才能感受音乐你懂的
Those guys need a buzz to feel the music, you know.
我不吸的时候更厉害
Me, I'm good when I'm straight.
这就是为什么总是我
That's why I'm always the one talking
去和管理层讨论报酬的问题
to management about payment.
你知道这种逻辑问题
You know, anything logistic like that,
总是落在我身上 -嗯嗯嗯
it always falls on my- - Yeah, yeah.
你想要醇香的
You looking for something mellow
还是烈性的
or something more potent?
上次那个人
Well, my last guy gave me
给了我一些不错的东西
something that was pretty good.
叫自信大猩猩
It was called Confident Gorilla.
你有吗 -应该没有吧
You got any of that? - I don't think so,
但我刚买♥♥了一批新货叫“心跳手指”
but I just got this new batch called Heartbeat Fingers.
是啊不了那个不了听起来不太好
Ah, yeah, no, that- - no, tha- that doesn't sound so good.
还有什么
Uh, uh, what else?
让我看看
Uh, let me look.
那个希拉
So, Sheila,
无意冒犯但你有没有想过要改掉
no offense, but you ever think about doing something
你这难听死的名字
about that god- awful name?
搞定了
Got it.
好耶
Oh, hell yeah.
对了顺便说一句
Yeah, by the way, just FYI,
希拉是她死去的母亲的名字
Sheila is her dead mother's name,
所以我们以后不能再在这里买♥♥东西了
so we're not allowed to shop here anymore.
天啊卡夫卡之旅
Oh, man, Kafka Trip?
这玩意儿不就是让我嗨到觉得
Isn't this the stuff that made me think
老干妈生我气了那东西吗
the Land O'Lakes lady was mad at me?
她只剩下几批货了
Well, she only had a few other batches.
心跳手指浴室镜子清算
Uh, Heartbeat Fingers, Bathroom Mirror Reckoning,
那啥玩意儿还有我为啥尿不出来
What Was That, and Why Won't The Pee Start.
咦惹 -好吧走了
Yikes. AII right, go on.
把它放在你包里
Put it in your bag.
嘿
Hey!
嘿那大♥麻♥我们还要的你这个混♥蛋♥
Hey, we need that pot, you motherfuckerl
放开我
Get off mel
天啊好救
Jesus, nice save!
伙计去他的
Man, fuck that guy
我们应该报♥警♥
We should call the fucking cops.
也许也许在现在这个情况下我们不该报♥警♥
Yeah, maybe maybe under the circumstances, no
天啊你还好吗
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
嗨贝瑟尼
Oh, hey, Bethany.
嗯我没事
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
我真不敢相信你把那人扑倒了太酷了
I can't believe you did that. That was so cool!
不我只是一时冲动
No, I was just reacting in the moment.
没什么大不了的
It's not that big a deal.
不那需要勇气
No, that took guts.
你真是太棒了
You're, like, kind of awesome.
你知道当你对某种物质上瘾时
Well, you know, when you're addicted to a substance,
你可以做到任何你想做的事
you can do anything you put your mind to
我明天下午有游泳训练
I have swim practice tomorrow afternoon,
但那之后你想不想一起出去玩
but after that, would you maybe want to hang out?
看个电影吃点东西什么的
Maybe see a movie or get food or whatever?
嗯嗯好
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
七点来接我吗