泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E05

Part 4 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:31 p.m.

你还记得吧 -我当然记得
You remember that? Of course I do.
马蒂你真的这样做过
Matty, you did that?
是啊
Yeah.
那一刻美极了
It was beautiful.
她是个调皮又聪明的女大学生
She was this wicked smart college girl.
我想要给她留个好印象
And I wanted to impress her.
看到没我是个好人
See? I'm a good guy.
那个混♥蛋♥心理医生的话太他妈离谱了
That prick fuck shrink was way off.
所有人都去死吧
So fuck everybody.
妈我都不知道你还上过大学
Mom, I didn't know you went to college.
我也不知道
Yeah, me neither.
你学的什么专业
What did you study?
我本打算去教书
Well, I was going to teach.
你原本是要当老师的
You were going to be a teacher?
苏珊这也太棒了
Susan, that's amazing.
我考上了教师资格证
I'd gotten my credentials.
已经打算要去找工作了
And I was all ready to apply for a job.
然后我就结婚了
And then I got married.
你不能都做吗
Why couldn't you do both?
就是看上去不太实际
Well, it just didn't seem practical
每天那么多杂事还要洗衣服
with the groceries and the laundry.
你有想过重拾工作吗
Well, I mean, have you ever thought of going back to it?
我觉得你会做的很好的
I think you'd be great.
不了不了
Oh, no, no
那已经是很久以前了 -算了我不行的
That was a long time ago. No, I couldn't.
苏珊我真的觉得你可以的
Susan, I really think you could do this.
天呐她都说了她没兴趣了
Jesus! She said she's not interested.
我去弄点巧克力牛奶吧
Should I make some chocolate milk?
好耶巧克力牛奶
Oh, yeah. Chocolate milk.
巧克力牛奶 -不苏珊
Chocolate milk. - No, Susan.
老天爷啊 -治疗结束
For God's sake. Therapy over.
现在到了巧克力牛奶时间了
We're doing chocolate milk now.
家人们拜托
Guys, come on.
这位女性为这个家里的所有人做了一切
This woman does everything for all of us in this house.
但从来没有人为她做点事情
And nobody ever does a goddamn thing for her.
而她现在说了一件
And now she's sitting here telling us
她觉得重要的事情
something that's important.
瞎说我做了一堆事
That's horse shit. I do a ton of stuff.
你为苏珊做了什么
What do you do for Susan?
她吃的用的都是我买♥♥的
I pay for everything she owns and eats.
好那我们就听马蒂的
OK, how about we all just sit with what
让苏珊去做巧克力牛奶吧
Matty just said, while Susan gets on that chocolate milk?
我去给你做
I'|| get that for you.
好吧我想我已经证明了自己的观点了
Well, I think I just proved my point
这段婚姻是完美的
that this marriage is perfect.
哎呦我都没好意思当他们面说
Yeesh, I couldn't say this in front of them.
但他俩小时候显然都被性骚扰过
But they were both clearly molested.
无论你们相不相信
Guys, believe it or not,
我倒是觉得我们做得很棒
I think we did great.
真的吗 -真的
Really? - Yeah.
我刚才发现苏珊在家庭之外是没有身份的
We just found out Susan has no identity outside this family.
她是个妻子是个母亲
I mean, she's a wife. She's a mother.
但仅此而已
But that's it.
可她能做的还有很多闷
She could be so much more.
而且很明显她内心深处也想做更多
And it's so obvious that deep down, she wants to be.
她说他们会走后门你竟然听出了这么多
You got all that from her saying she does anal?
天呢你应该来扮演这个治疗师
Man, you should be the pretend therapist.
我懂你说的布莱尔
I mean, I hear you, Blaire.
但我们应该怎么做呢
But what are we supposed to do?
我还不知道
I don't know yet.
但我们得找个办法帮她发出她的声音
But somehow, we got to help her find her voice.
这只有我们才能做到
I mean, we're the only ones that can do it.
非常同意布莱尔
Couldn't agree more, Blaire.
妄想型自恋
Delusional narcissist.
什么
Excuse me?
提醒自己不要再把写的东西念出来了
Note to self stop saying what you write.
天呐你看她
God, look at her.
太性感了 -对啊
She's so fucking hot Yeah.
可惜她是个烂人
Too bad she's a bitch.
我不管
I don't even care.
她可以把我当垃圾我还是愿意让她帮我打飞机
She could treat me like crap. I'd still let her jerk me off.
你得和她说呀约翰
Oh, you should tell her, Johnny.
她肯定喜欢听 -好吧去你的吧
Im sure she'd love to hear it. AlI right, fuck you, man.
不真的这是她的荣幸
No, really, what a feather in her cap.
我只是在假设如果她提出的话
Hey, I'm just saying, hypothetically, if she asked,
我会答应的
I would say yes.
她现在就在和朋友聊这个呢
That's what she's telling her friend right now.
她在说看到那边穿李牌牛仔裤的男生了吗
She's saying, see that kid over there in Lee jeans?
我想让他达到高♥潮♥
I want to bring him to climax.
但他会愿意吗
But will he let me?
嘿亲们
Hey, guys
嘿安德鲁嘿波莉
Oh, hey, Andrew. Hey, Polly.
你听说乔治老师的事了吗
Did you hear what happened to Mr. George?
没有怎么了 -他被炒了
No, what? - He got fired.
不是吧为什么
No shit. Why?
他们抓到他在教工休息室
They caught him in the faculty lounge
对着他自己的鸡♥吧♥大叫
screaming at his own dick.
原来如此
Oh, that's what that was.
我昨天听到里面有人♥大♥叫来着
Yeah, I heard yelling coming out of there yesterday.
你不让我有性生活是吧
You're not going to let me fuck?
我也不让你尿尿
I'm not going to let you peel
有人接替他吗
Well, do they have someone to replace him?
不知道
I don't know.
应该在找代课老师吧
I think they're trying to find a sub.
泰迪 -怎么了
Teddy. What?
他们在找代课老师 -所以呢
They're looking for a sub. Yeah, so?
我妈可以啊
So what about Mom?
苏珊
Susan?
对啊有什么问题吗
Yeah. Why not?
你还记得布莱尔的话吗
I mean, you remember what Blaire said,
没有人为她做过任何事
no one ever does anything for her.
记得
I mean, yeah.
但你真的想让你妈来教你们班吗
But you really want your mother teaching your class?
你还记得托德·格林吗
I mean, you remember what happened to Todd Greene?
他和妈妈告别的时候语气不好
He yelled goodbye to his mother.
现在他就得和保洁一起吃午饭了
And now he's got to eat lunch with the janitor.
我不在乎
I don't care.
大家都在他的桌上拉屎
People are shitting in his desk.
泰迪我们至少得试一试
Look, Teddy. We got to at least try.
去找校长聊聊吧
Let's go talk to the principal.
不得不说
Well, I have to admit,
我们现在确实遇到了一点困难
we're in a bit of a bind here.
本内特太太以前有过教学经验吗
Does Mrs. Bennett have any prior teaching experience?
没有但她资质齐全
Well, no, but she's got all her credentials.
好的
I see.
是她教会了我
Oh, she's the one who taught me how
怎么自己上厕所
to use the bathroom by myself.
对去年八月对吧
Yeah, last August, right?
闭嘴吧你
Oh, shut up, man.
滚蛋 -行吧老弟
Fuck you. - All right, man.
说什么呢 -我瞎说的
What's that? - I don't fucking know.
你知道你的妈妈
Do you know if your mother would
是否愿意接受这个任务吗
be willing to take this on for what
不确定会持续多长时间
may be an indefinite period?
她一直想当老师
I mean, she has always wanted to be a teacher.
但她得洗衣服所以当不了
She just couldn't because she had to do laundry.
太多衣服要洗了
There's a lot of laundry so- -
我知道她会教得很出色的
I know she'd do a wicked good job.
这样吧
OK, listen. How about this?
你雇佣她
You hire her.