泰迪熊（2024）

Ted S01E02

Part 6 Jan. 20, 2024, 1:30 p.m.

好真是够了你冷静点
Yes. Jesus Christ. Calm down.
早上好本内特先生
Good morning, Mr. Bennett.
我们都准备好了马上可以开始手术
We are all set to begin your procedure.
行这是我侄女
Yeah, listen, this is my niece.
她会跟我一起进去
She's going to be with me in the room there.
这恐怕不行
Oh, I'm afraid that's not allowed.
你特么什么意思
What do you fucking mean?
这违反了医院规定
It's against hospital policy.
不不不不不不等会
No, no, no, no. No, wait a minute.
等会你不明白
Wait a minute. You don't understand.
每次做结肠镜检查她都陪在我身边的对吧
She's always with me for every colonoscopy, right?
我就是喜欢看而且今天是我半个生日
I love watching and it's my half birthday today,
所以算是送我自己的礼物了
so treating myself.
你们还挺逗的但这里只允许医务人员进
Well, that's interesting, but it's medical staff only.
非常抱歉
I really am sorry.
给我们点时间好吗
Give us a minute, OK?
你钻轮床底下去 -什么
Get under the gurney. What?
藏到轮床底下啊 -我才不要
Hide under the gurey. I am not doing that.
布莱尔你必须得进手术室啊万一我要说话呢
Blaire, you got to be in the room in case I talk.
马蒂这些人不在乎
Matty, these people don't care about
你那愚蠢的秘密好吗
your stupid goddamn secret, OK?
他们都是专业人士他们什么没听过
They're professionals. They've heard everything.
我不信任他们
I don't trust them.
除非你有什么诡异的地方否则谁会做
You don't become a butt doctor unless you're into
一个屁♥股♥医生啊
some really weird shit.
对于某些人来说这是有性倾向的
Some of these guys, it's sexual for them.
这跟性没有关系好吗
This is not sexual for them.
我给你300块
I'|| give you S300.
真的 -你不总是抱怨
Seriously? You're always whining about
自己的课本太贵吗
how expensive your textbooks are.
300块
300 bucks.
你真特么疯了
You have lost your fucking mind.
费舍医生请到三号♥手术室
Dr. Fisher to OR prep room three.
费舍医生请到三号♥手术室
Dr. Fisher, OR prep room three.
好了本内特先生
AII right, Mr. Bennett
我需要你从100开始倒数
I need you to count backward from 100
100 99 98
100, 99, 98
好了他过去了
AII right, he's out.
太好了真是个怪人
OK Wow. What a weirdo
居然要自己侄女跟着进来
Guy wanted his niece to come in here with him.
我听见了太匪夷所思了
Oh, I heard that That's bizarre
就是说啊
Absolutely.
让我们看看他的真容吧
Let's see what he's working with here
我的天 -看看那个啊
Oh, my God. Damn, look at that!
尖上长毛太稀奇了
Hair on the tip. That's a new one.
恶心他可怜的老婆
Yuck. His poor wife, huh?
我也这么想呢
I was just thinking that.
各位说实话这总会让我有性冲动
Guys, I got to be honest. This is sexual for me.
听着我们得告诉他真♥相♥
Look, wejust got to tell him the truth.
你知道他会收拾我们的
You know he's going to kick our asses.
听着在战斗中不受伤的诀窍就是
Look, the key to not getting hurt in a fight
保持冷静和放松就像事故中的醉汉一样
is staying loose, like a drunk guy in an accident.
所以肯尼迪一家每次出车祸
That's why the Kennedys are always fine
都能毫发无损
after they fuck up their cars.
嘿克莱夫我们能我们能聊两句吗
Oh, hey Clive, can we can we talk to you for a second?
你们俩傻♥逼♥想干啥
What do you two fucknuts want?
听着说出这话真的挺不容易的
Look, there's no easy way to say this,
但这事关你♥爸♥
but, um, it's about your dad.
我爸怎么了
What about my dad?
你♥爸♥
Um, your dad, uh,
邀请我们去参加你的生日趴
invited us to your birthday party.
他说他也会在场
And he said he's going to be there too
而我们只是想说
and we just wanted to say
我们能被邀请感觉很兴奋
we are so excited just to be part of it.
你瞎说啥呢
What are you talking about?
我就没打算开趴
I'm not having a party.
而且他说他根本就不在
He said he wasn't going to be around
那是因为这是个惊喜啊
That's because it's a surprise.
对啊 -不我把惊喜给破坏了
Yeah. Oh no, I spoiled it!
哦泰迪
Oh, Teddy, oh!
我们本来什么都不该说的
We weren't supposed to say anything.
靠 -我就知道
Fuck. I knew it.
我就知道他会来
I knew he'd show up.
如果连你们两个废柴都被邀请了
Oh, it's probably going to be huge
那这趴体肯定小不了
if even you two losers are invited
忒好了
Hell yeah.
你特么是有什么大病吗
What the fuck is wrong with you?
我知道但你看见他的眼神了吗
I know, but did you see the look in his eye?
简直跟查尔斯·曼森一样吓死个人
He's like fucking Charles Manson.
那我们现在该特么怎么办
What the fuck are we supposed to do now?
他认为他爸会出现 -不知道啊
He thinks his dad's showing up. - I don't know.
我们就找个人扮他爸吧 -找特么谁啊
We find somebody to be his dad. - Well, fucking who?
不知道找个演员什么的
I don't know. We find an actor or something.
靠
Ah, shit.
好吧我们准备了气球蛋糕
All right, we got balloons, a cake.
你觉得他玩打糖马是不是岁数有点大了
Do you think he's too old for a pinata?
我觉得你还是别把棒子
Yeah, I don't think we want to put
放他手里吧约翰尼
a bat in his hands, Johnny.
也是哈
Oh yeah, good call.
怎么样了
Oh. How did it go?
简直是场噩梦
It was a living nightmare.
马蒂你感觉怎么样了
Matty, how you feeling?
医生说都清理干净了
Doc says I'm clean as a whistle.
没什么好担心的
Nothing to worry about.
医生说的可不止这些
That's not all the doctor said.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
简直是我听到的最恶心的事
It was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
布莱尔发生什么事了
Blaire, what happened?
马蒂非逼我跟他一起进手术室所以
Matty made me go into the operating room with him, so...-
布莱尔你搞什么啊
Blaire, what the hell?
为了防止他在麻醉后
To shut him up if the drugs made him
说起越南的事
say some shit about Vietnam.
300块我不给你了
You're not getting those 300 bucks!
我不在乎这事到此为止了
I don't care. This has to end.
什么都弥补不了我今天经受的
Nothing is worth what I went through today.
你知道他们用完那根棍子
Do you know where they put the wand
放哪了吗我可知道
when they're done with it? I do.
什么秘密她说什么呢啊
What secret? What is she talking about?
别问了苏珊 -不马蒂我真是疯了
Forget it, Susan. No, Matty, this is insane.
你必须拿出来跟大家分享一下然后继续生活
You have to talk about it and move on,
因为五年后我特么再也不要
because I am not fucking doing that again
再经历一遍这破事儿了 -别说了
in five years. Just drop itl
你到底做了什么抛弃了你的野战排
What'd you do? Desert your platoon?
擅离职守
Go AWOL?
你不小心击中了鲍勃·霍普
Did you accidentally shoot Bob Hope?
到底是什么 -我倒是想
What? - I wish.
这样我至少还能接受
I could live with that.
不管是什么我们都能理解
Whatever it is, I'm sure we'll understand.
不你不会的那是战争
No, you won't. This was war.
天啊马蒂我们是你的家人啊
For Christ's sake, Matty, we're your family.
快告诉我们
Just fucking tell us.
我给一只狗打了飞机
I jacked off a dog!
啥玩意儿
What the fuck?
天啊
Oh, my God.
你们说过你们会理解的
You guys said you'd understand.
这事儿谁理解得了啊
That was before we knew how fucked up it was.
你从没上过战场万事皆有可能
You've never been to war. Things happen.
这事儿怎么个可能法啊
Not that. No.
那你到底为什么要去给狗打飞机啊
Why the fuck would you jack off a dog?
那是谁的狗
Whose dog was it?