耻辱堂（2020）

Shameless Hall of Shame S01E04

Part 1 March 2, 2021, 10:07 a.m.

无♥耻♥家庭之无♥耻♥堂
第四集
黛比卡尔和利亚姆他们成长得真快
现在用棒针钩起针洞
All right, now you take the needle, and you scoop the loop.
然后穿过去
All right, then you pull it through.
-我♥操♥ -拉紧
- Ow, fuck! - Pull it tight.
这玩意几时变成枕头了
When the hell does this turn into a pillow?
-你在干嘛 -织毛衣
- What are you doing? - Knitting.
你又在做个人雕塑吗
You making another self-sculpture?
跟你一模一样
Looks just like you.
滚蛋
Fuck off.
-又是大♥麻♥面包吗 -对能赚很多钱
- What, another weed bread? - Yeah, makes some good money.
我的全球性流行病女朋友没了
Well, there goes my pandemic girlfriend.
你有女朋友
You have a girlfriend?
曾经有过萨莎刚把我甩了
Had. Sasha just broke up with me.
萨莎
Sasha?
我甚至把名字改成了"利亚姆·罗登斯坦"
I even changed my name to "Liam Rodenstein."
想着如果"公鸭"德雷克当黑人犹太人有好效果
Thought if being a Black Jew worked for Drake,
嘻哈歌♥手父亲非裔母亲犹太裔
那对我也许也有效
it might work for me.
-没效吗 -差点成功了
- It didn't? - Almost.
结果她发现了我是加拉格家人
Till she found out I'm a Gallagher.
什么情况
What's going on?
弗兰克喝醉了正在找床睡
Frank, drunk, looking for a bed.
-谁允许他来的 -黛比
- Who the hell let him? - Debbie?
他干嘛不去睡门廊够暖和了
Why can't he sleep out on the porch? It's warm enough.
我要我以前的床
I want my bed back!
才不给
Oh, hell no!
早啊弗兰克
Morning, Frank.
这里是我家
This is my house!
没关系爸爸你睡我屋里吧
It's okay, Daddy. You can sleep in my room.
黛比偷了个孩子
Debbie stole a baby.
-为什么 -黛比嘛
- Why? - It's Debbie.
你为什么偷一个小男孩回来
Why would you steal a little boy
还把人家打扮成一个小女孩
and dress him like a little girl?
你送走了金吉姑妈
You took away Aunt Ginger.
谁是金吉姑妈
Who is Aunt Ginger?
社保的人想要跟金吉谈谈
Social Security wants to talk to Ginger,
他懒得去接真的来
and he was too lazy to go get the real one.
-她死了 -不
- She's dead. - No!
小黛你都没见过她
Debs, you never met her.
现在永远也见不到了
And now I never will.
-我在哀悼 -她什么时候死的
- I'm in mourning. - When did she die?
12年前
Twelve years ago.
你一直在兑领她的福利金那可是重罪
You've been cashing her checks. That's a felony.
-我们现在要怎么做 -好吧
- What are we gonna do now? - Well...
-我喜欢那个 -太清醒了
- I like that one. - Too lucid.
她怎么样
What about her?
一切都跟我记忆中的一模一样
Everything is just the way I remember it.
巨力多
-她是我的朋友 -你为什么带走那个男孩
- She was my friend. - Why did you take the boy?
他在哭没有人在意
He was crying, and nobody cared.
-所以我带他走了 -你怎么把他弄出来的
- So I took him. - How'd you get him out?
我用一根巧克力棒在他面前挥舞
I waved a Snickers bar at him.
亲爱的上帝感谢您赐予我们食物
Dear Lord, thank you for this food that we're about to eat,
另外恳请您让我的兄弟克雷顿
and please make my brother Clayton
万劫不复永世不得超生
burn in hell for all eternity when the time comes.
阿门
Amen.
阿门
Amen.
利亚姆想吃冰棒的话就给我看看你的手
Liam, if you want a Popsicle, show me your hands.
别摸鸡了不然没"冰爽"哦
Hands off your package, or no treat!
-我要自己住 -卡尔别玩了
- I need my own room. - Carl, quit it.
-我马上就要成为一个女人了 -别玩了
- I'm gonna be a woman soon. - Enough.
我没办法待在
I can't be in the same room
利亚姆全天候手♥淫♥的房♥间里
where Liam is constantly masturbating.
如果没东西射出来那就不算是手♥淫♥
It's not masturbating if nothing comes out.
现在是凌晨1点
It's 1:00 a.M.
那是我们万圣节讨来的糖果吗
Is that our Halloween candy?
-电影狂欢夜 -我们早上还有课呢
- Movie night. - We have school in the morning.
-《鬼影实录3》 -棒吧
- Paranormal Activity 3. - Right?
我哥们儿在AMC影院偷录的
My buddy shot this at the AMC.
好了拜托
Okay, please.
-是"限"制级的啊 -是肾上"腺"素飙升级的
- It's rated R. - For "really fucking scary."
坐稳了好好看
So sit there and learn.
把他放到棺材里去小心头
Get him in the coffin. Watch your head.
看上去跟死了一样卡尔多拿点冰来
Looks dead. Hey, Carl, more ice.
-来了 -我们对此深表遗憾
- Got it. - Sorry for your loss.
我们都很震惊
It was a shock.
我知道你在装死得了
I know you're faking it. Come on!
你是怎么回事看看他他死了
What's the matter with you? Look at him, he's dead.
-你们这就走吗 -他一入土就走
- And you'll be going? - Soon as he's in the ground.
我们得往棺材里放点东西
We need something to put in the coffin.
好了
Okay.
准备好了吗
Ready?
抬
Lift.
等等她因为你是加拉格家人就甩了你吗
Wait, she broke up with you because you're a Gallagher?
对她说我们全家都是疯子
Yeah, says we're all crazy.
去她妈的老娘弄死她
Fuck that. I'll fucking kill her.
-你一起吗 -当然
- Are you in? - I'm in.
我们可以注射新冠病毒到这面包里
We can inject the vid into this bread.
然后放在她门前让她中招她绝对想不到
Leave it on her front steps. She'll never see it coming.
好像不是这样传播的吧
I don't think that's how that works.
你懂什么难道你是医生
What are you, some kind of doctor?
你们都疯了
You're both crazy.
你真倒霉
Tough break.
操♥你♥妈♥ 我们都被他骂了
Fuck you. He said both of us.
-我才没疯 -天真
- I'm not crazy! - Huh.
给你的植物浇水
Watering the plants. Ha!
传♥单♥搞定了
I'm done with the flyer.
是"筹款" 不是"有趣的剃刀"
It's "fundraiser," not "fun razor."
想让他们觉得有人要挨刀子了
Want to make them think someone's getting cut.
不行不行不行
No, no, no, no, no, no.
这球棒防身用的不能带到学校去
The bat is for killing, not for taking to school.
菲奥娜没告诉过你别再给娃娃施电刑了吗
Didn't Fiona tell you to stop electrocuting dolls?
他们必须为自己的罪行付出代价
They have to pay for their sins.
我想去林子里杀点什么东西
I want to go to the forest and kill something.
孩子们做了纸模型
The kids have been making papier-mâché sculptures.
这个是卡尔做的
This is Carl's.
一坨纸做的大便
A papier-mâché pile of shit.
是谁他妈养出这个败类的
Who in the hell is raising this degenerate?
你应该给我画张感谢卡
You should be coloring me a thank-you note of gratitude
感谢你身上那一半我的DNA
that the half of you that came from me
没有射到你妈脖子上
wasn't spooged on your mother's neck,
鄙人可是射到了她体内
but instead was guided by yours truly
才有了你
to get up inside of her to start the life of you.
所以跟我说话要抱以感恩的心儿子
So walk and talk with gratitude, son.
开个玩笑啦
I was just kidding.
-头没事吧 -有点晕
- How's your head? - Little dizzy.
那就是没事快去吃早饭
You're fine. Go eat some breakfast.
别把家里一把火给烧了
Don't set the house on fire.
开玩笑的
Just kidding.
小破坏狂那可是我的烤面包机
Yo, yo, yo, Destructo, that's my toaster!
干嘛
What?
我♥操♥
Oh, shit!
卡尔去哪儿了
Where'd Carl go?
-忍♥者 -卡尔不要
- Ninja! - Carl! No!
不该死
No! Shit!
该死卡尔
Shit, Carl.
那好像还真起作用了
That actually kinda worked.
-他是初犯 -是他的初次刑事犯罪
- It's his first offense. - His first criminal offense.
他被停了十几次课了
He's got double digit suspensions at school.
你要再敢欺负这个傻♥逼♥
If you pick on asshead again,
我就把你的蛋咬下来