耻辱堂（2020）

Shameless Hall of Shame S01E03

Part 1 March 2, 2021, 10:06 a.m.

无♥耻♥家庭之无♥耻♥堂
第三集
利普和塔米从前有个菲利普·加拉格
三只小猪
大灰狼说 "小猪小猪让我进去"
And the wolf said, "'Little pigs, little pigs, let me in.'
"想都别想没门"
'Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chin.'
"那我就把你的房♥子吹倒"
'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down.'"
但那栋砖房♥子纹丝不动
"But the brick house wouldn't come down.
于是大灰狼爬到屋顶上
So the big, bad wolf climbed all the way up the roof,
沿着烟囱滑下去谁知...
he slid down the chimney, and then..."
大灰狼掉进了小猪们
"The big, bad wolf fell into the pot of hot water
生火煮沸的一锅热水里
that the pigs had on the fire.
这就是大灰狼的结局
And that was the end of the big, bad wolf.
小猪们从此过着幸福快乐的生活
And the pigs lived happily ever after."
你看见小猪们了吗一只两只三只
You see 'em? One, two, three.
他怎么样了
How's he feeling?
鼻子还塞还醒着
Oh, he's still congested and, uh, still awake.
这里闻起来一股我奶奶房♥间的味道
Smells like my grandma's room in here.
是的我给他涂了很多通鼻膏
Yeah. Yeah, slathered him in Vicks.
你想休息会儿吗
Hey, you wanna tag out?
-我来接替你 -不用
- I'll take a turn. - Uh-uh.
没事我照顾他
It's cool. I got him.
你去睡会儿吧
You get some sleep, all right?
好那我就在沙发看画家鲍伯·鲁斯的节目
Okay. I'm gonna pass out on the couch
看到睡着
to an episode of Bob Ross.
鲍伯·鲁斯啊
Bob Ross.
快点好起来我的小宝贝
Feel better, my sweet baby boy.
-谢了 -嗯
- Thanks. - Yeah.
好接下来轮到哪一本了
Okay, let's see what's next, what's next?
好吧我们...
All right, we've...
好像
I think we've read the...
把这里每一本都念完了
just about every single one of these books.
不过别担心
But don't worry about it.
我有个更精彩的故事
I got a better story for you, all right?
我告诉你一个真正的童话故事好不好
How 'bout we tell you a real fairy tale story, huh?
从前
Now, once upon a time,
有个小男孩他叫菲利普·加拉格
there was a little boy named Phillip Gallagher.
-菲利普 -是利普[唇哥]- Phillip. - It's, uh, Lip.
-我叫利普菲利普·加拉格 -利普
- I'm Lip--Phillip Gallagher. - Lip?
-利普 -利普在吗
- Lip. - Is Lip around?
-利普 -利普
- Lip! - Lip.
-菲利普·加拉格 -是利普
- Phillip Gallagher? - It's Lip.
-利普好哥们儿 -利普儿子
- Lip, my man. - Lip, muh boy.
我不想叫你利普希望你不介意
Not gonna call ya Lip. Hope that's okay.
我要称呼你主赐予的名字
Gonna call you by your lovely God-given name--
-菲利普 -好的
- Phillip. - Okay.
和先知同名
After the prophet.
菲利普或利普
And Phillip...or Lip,
他家人朋友这样叫他
as his family and friends called him,
他在一座魔法城♥堡♥长大
grew up in a magical castle,
他在一个充满爱与支持的家庭被抚养成人
and he was raised by a supportive and loving family.
操你的弗兰克
Fuck you, Frank!
你能去喝一杯然后闭嘴吗
Will you please take a drink and shut the fuck up?
闭嘴
Shut the fuck up!
弗兰克在厕所昏过去了
Frank's passed out up in the bathroom.
操他死了没
Fuck. He dead?
没死真倒霉
Unfortunately not.
让孩子们自主学习
You gotta let kids learn for themselves.
你是说让孩子们养活自己吧
You mean, fend for themselves?
授人以鱼可供一日
You give a man a fish, you've fed him for a day.
授人以渔可供一生
Teach a man to fish, you've fed him for a lifetime.
我是授你们以渔
I raise fisherman.
那他妈的是我的自行车
That's my fucking bike!
你能赠予的最好礼物就是忽略
The best gift you can give-- neglect.
-老爸 -儿子
- Dad. - Son.
狼入羊圈狼入羊圈
A rooster in the henhouse. Rooster in the henhouse!
把钱藏起来
Hide the money!
-早安奶奶 -奶奶早安
- Morning, Grammy. - Morning, Grammy!
嘿加拉格
Hey, Gallagher.
你妈进局子里了带钱去保释她吧
Your mom's down at the station. Bring bail money.
他妈的给我钥匙放我出去
Get the fucking key and get me out of here!
我刚刚把莫妮卡从局子里保出来
Just bailed Monica outta jail.
她让卡尔拿那辆别克当碰碰车玩
She let Carl play bumper cars with a Buick.
那你知道莫妮卡花光了所有的过冬基金
So you know Monica spent all the squirrel fund money?
在这个家你要学会的首要准则就是
The first rule you learn in this house--
你♥他♥妈♥要把钱藏好
you hide the goddamn money!
别冲菲奥娜发火过来
Don't be mad at Fiona. Come on.
妮卡你闭嘴
Hey, Monica, shut up.
我跟你说你缺席了我大半辈子的人生
You know what, like most of my life,
这事也和你没关系
this has nothing to do with you.
你儿子就是个混球
Your son's a real prick.
别再说爸爸没给你们买♥♥过宠物了
Don't say Papa never gave ya a pet.
操
Fuck!
-奶奶好 -我的天呐
- Hey, Grammy. - Oh, my goodness.
从没见过这么可爱机灵的小帅哥
I have never seen apple and spice looking so nice!
-在里面过得还好吗 -吃得不咋地
- How's it goin' in there? - Oh, the food's not so great,
但女人干得挺爽的
but the pussy's pretty good.
听上去还不赖
Sounds all right.
莫妮卡和弗兰克造你的时候
Weren't Monica and Frank on acid
不也全程在嗑迷幻药吗
the whole time you were in vitro?
主要是迷幻蘑菇
'Shrooms, mostly.
黛比是我们吸可♥卡♥因♥之后怀上的
We had one kid on coke-- Debbie.
-是卡尔 -不是卡尔是吃摇♥头♥丸♥时怀的
- That was Carl. - No, Carl was E.
-我还以为那是利亚姆 -利亚姆是吃迷幻药那回
- Thought Liam was E. - Liam was acid.
你不记得了吗
Don't you remember?
我们从没在吃液体迷幻药时怀过孩子
But we've never made a little rug rat on GHB.
老天
Jesus Christ!
伊恩恭喜你
"Congratulations, Ian.
你不是弗兰克·加拉格的儿子
You are not Frank Gallagher's son."
你竟然还和我兄弟搞过
You fucked my brother!
莫妮卡背着弗兰克偷腥这挺好
I like the idea of Monica cheating on Frank.
这让我对你的"好印象"得以保留老妈
You know, it really keeps my image of you right on track, Mom.
坦白说宝贝儿 1995年夏天有那么一周
Honestly, sweetie, there was the summer of '95
我嗑了好多天使粉
that I did a lotta PCP...
-你嗑了天使粉 -然后我...
- You did PCP? - And I--
不带上我吗
Without me?
我和莫妮准备把利亚姆带走和我们一起生活
Moni and I wanna take Liam to live with us.
-什么 -洛贝塔别他妈的痴心妄想了
- What? - No, out of the fucking question, Roberta.
他们要带走利亚姆吗
Taking Liam?
-不会的 -没有人有权带走这里的任何一个人
- No! - No, nobody's taking anyone anywhere.
我才不在乎什么狗屁DNA的检测结果
I don't care what the fucking DNA test says.
-不许你们带走利亚姆 -有什么问题吗菲利普
- You're not taking Liam. - We having a problem, Phillip?
我们来掰掰手指头你在我家扎营
Let's see--you're camped out in my house,
睡我老妈
you're fucking my mother,
还想偷走我的弟弟
and you're talking about stealing my baby brother.
你说我们有什么问题
Why would we have a problem?
-别这样 -恭喜你老妈
- Hey, stop it! - Congratulations, Mom.
你择偶眼光一直不错
You always knew how to pick 'em.
是啊你就在高脚凳上坐好了
Yeah, so please stay on your barstool
-继续灌酒吧 -拜托
- and just keep drinking. - Come on!
-我得走开了 -什么
- I've gotta walk away. - What?!
我再不走开我他妈就会揍他
If I don't walk away, I'm gonna fucking hit him.
管它的
What the hell?
操
Fuck!
下次你想回来拜访的时候
Next time you're thinkin' about dropping in,
免了吧
don't.
你已经把我们祸害得够惨了
You fucked up our lives enough already.
至少我没被一个大肚婊♥子♥困住
At least I'm not getting trapped by some pregnant skank.
-操 -你可能会从高中退学
- Fuck you. - You'll probably quit high school,
去百思买♥♥大卖♥♥场打工吧
huh, start working at Best Buy.
-给我说话注意点 -过不了多久
- Watch your fuckin' mouth! - I wonder how long it takes
就会开始吸食胶水
before you start huffing glue?
解决办法只有一个