耻辱堂（2020）

Shameless Hall of Shame S01E02

Part 4 March 2, 2021, 10:06 a.m.

I didn't get a diploma, and look at me.
给我认真点小凯
And don't be giving me no shit, Kev!
我的声音才不是那样
I do not sound like that.
一个罢掌拍不响好吧
Takes two to tangle, you know.
是巴掌那么多次我都想和你打炮
It's "Tango," And I've tried to fuck you plenty of times.
她俩不是同卵双胞胎她们是...
They're not identical twins. They're...
反正不是同卵的双胞胎
whatever it is when- when you're not identical.
她们是两个不同的人
Separate individuals.
亚洲的国家也太多了
Too many damn countries in Asia.
应该搞成一个国家
They should just make it one country.
不不不中暑
No, no, no. Heatstroke.
难道不就是被热浪
Isn't that when the heat...
轻轻地打了一下吗
strokes you gently?
小凯简历两个字你就写错了
Kev, you misspelled "Résumé" on your résumé.
我的肿瘤是良性的但恐惧却是非常
It was benign, but the scare was very...
该死那个词是什么来着
v--shit. What is the word again?
-恶性的 -恶性的
- Malignant. - Malignant.
你不记得医生说的话了吗
Do you remember what the doctor said?
他们是近亲繁殖万一他们要吃我们怎么办
They're inbred. What if they try to eat us?
-我觉得你说的是食人族 -好吧随便
-I think that's cannibals. - Well, whatever.
让她吃几个小药片
Why is it so much worse for her
就把她逼疯了相比之下我呢
to take a tiny little pill that makes her "Crazy"
我可是睾丸都要被切除了
than it is for me to get my testicle lobbed off?
你的睾丸不会被切除先生
Your testicle will not be "Lobbed off," Sir.
只会把你的输精管堵上
Only your vas deferens tubes are blocked.
来吧
All right.
我觉得我太过强调自己的背景了
I think I went overboard with my background.
不像牛仔反而更乡下了
It's less cowboy and more hick.
你老婆可真是个大美人
Your wife is...a knockout.
没准会是我老婆的表姐妹
Hell, she could be cousins with my wife.
这也是家族遗传吗
Oh, that runs in the family, too.
还是乡巴佬
Or hillbilly.
土包子我还有好多要学
Bumpkin? I have so much to learn.
我们在下周圣斐理祺大日的庆典上
We need a Jesus for the Festival
需要一个耶稣
of St. Felicity pageant next weekend,
而博尔先生看起来经常健身
and Mr. Ball looks like he works out.
你们想让凯文扮演耶稣
You want Kev to be Jesus?
也许我会去吃屌♥
Maybe I will go suck a dick.
我可能像你一样是水性人
I could be all gender liquid like you.
-你可说不清 -你是说流性人吗
- You don't know. - You mean genderfluid?
管他是流是水随便什么
Fluids, liquids, whatever.
小维我们该做什么来着
V, what the hell are we supposed to do again?
编一个跟全麦饼干有关的背景故事吗
Make a face story on graham cracker?
我们都干了什么好事小凯
What have we done, Kev?
我们增加了商品需求量...
We have increased our demand...
或是供给量
or our supply.
反正我们增加了那两个量的其中之一...
One of those two things, we've increased...
或是减少了
or decreased.
我们不能像"咸味儿蛇"那样
We can't keep going around in circles
一直兜圈子
like the "Our-oh-beris."
-什么 -"咸味儿蛇"
- The what? - The "Our-oh-beris."
我们不停重复进入死循环
We keep going around in the same circle
就好像蛇在吃自己的尾巴
like the snake eating its own tail.
衔尾蛇
The ouroboros.
对我之前念错了
Yes. I was saying it wrong.
这个词听起来屌♥炸了
Oh, that's such a badass word.
我们请个家教
Maybe we get a tutor.
没钱啊小维
No money, V.
我们需要一个愿意免费工作的人
We need somebody that'll work for free.
斯维特拉娜
Svetlana.
太可惜了她现在不在这里
Too bad she isn't here right now.
我们最需要的三人家庭不在了
Where's our throuple when we need it most?
小维
V...
我去
Eh, what the hell?
怎么
Uh--what the?
我做饭打扫
I cook. I clean.
做妻子的工作
Wifely duty.
开什么玩笑我不是同性恋
Are you kidding? I'm not gay.
反正舌头都一样
Tongue is tongue, no?
管他呢
What the hell?
反正我都快高♥潮♥了
I'm halfway home already.
我♥操♥
Oh! Holy fuck.
我的天
Mother of God.
算是我的房♥租了
Consider it like rent check.
我去拖地了
I go mop now.
我先洗澡谁想帮我擦背
First shower. Anybody wanna wash my back?
别把热水用光了
Don't use all the hot water!
-闺女啊 -我来吧
- Girls... - I'll do it.
四抬腿
Four, and lift...
带着孩子看酒吧吗
Cover bar with baby?
没事孩子我带吧
It's okay. I babysit.
斯维特谢...
Ah, Svet, thank--
我本以为我俩床上功夫够厉害了
I thought we were good in the sack,
可她就像是情♥色♥界的迈克尔·乔丹
but she's like the Michael Jordan of erotic stimuli.
-算完了 -什么怎么可能
- It's done. - What? How?
我对数字特有天分
I'm good with numbers.
我们什么时候有伴唱机了
Since when do we have a karaoke machine?
半小时前
Since half-hour ago.
我们开工了皮条客看着孩子
We strip now. Pimp, watch babies.
你们为了要孩子都让你老公操♥你♥妈♥了
Your husband fucked your mother to make babies.
你以为自己有多高尚
You want to ride on high horse?
家庭会议今晚
Family meeting tonight.
他对小女孩没兴趣
He will not be interested in baby girls
得等到她们至少十岁
until they reach at least ten years old.
我准备好来开会了
Ready for our family meeting.
我们是要讨论家庭经济状况
This is about family finances.
坐下
Sit.
我♥操♥
Oh, shit.
妈的移♥民♥局的妈的
Fuck. Immigration. Fuck!
别忘记台词
Don't forget your lines.
来了
Coming!
早莱斯特美国公民及移♥民♥服务局的
Morning. Lester from USCIS.
移♥民♥局的
Immigration?
你和前妻以及两个孩子
This is the home you and your ex share
就是住这里
with your two children?
是的没错
Yes. Yes, it is,
直到她爱上了那个该死的共♥产♥主义婊♥子♥
until she fell for that no-good commie slut.
好吧你发现你的员工即将被遣返
You discovered your employee's being deported.
随即你的多年伴侣就甩了你
Moments later, your live-in partner of many years dumps you.
你♥他♥妈♥能相信吗
Can you fucking believe that shit?
不
No.
他一点也不信吗
He didn't buy any of it?
一个字都不信
Not one word.
他什么时候再来
And when is he coming back?
可能明天可能下周
Could be tomorrow, next week.
下次要是再让我那样飞奔下楼
I'm gonna break my neck
我非摔断脖子不可
flying down those stairs like that again.
要不你就睡楼下吧
Maybe you should just stay down there.
我们要制定个滚床单计划
So are we gonna have a fuck schedule,
或滚床单日程表吗
or a fuck calendar?
比如说星期日是小维和小凯
You see, like, Sunday will be V and Kev.
湿毛巾你从来不挂
You never hang up wet towels.
制冰盒你从来不装
You never refill the ice tray.
星期一是小维小凯还有斯维特拉娜
Monday will be V and Kev and Svetlana.
不你还不能高♥潮♥
No, you cannot come yet.
现在可以了
Now you may come.
星期二只有小维和斯维特拉娜
Tuesday will just be V and Svetlana.
我能单独和斯维特拉娜睡吗
Am I gonna get my own night with Svetlana?
天哪太棒了
Oh, shit. That's awesome.
我脑子里有一部分想炫耀但另一部分想着
Part of me wants to brag, but the other part's like,
"这有点不正常吧"