夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E14

Part 1 May 31, 2023, 8:28 p.m.

你好啊尼尔
-Hello, Neil.
能在这见到你太好了
-Better now that you're here.
好吧
-Okay.
哦这场面可真是尴尬
-Oh, that was uncomfortable to watch
而且是在我已经见过奥利维亚想要抱孩子的情况下
and I've seen Olivia trying to hold a baby.
是因为尼尔喜欢我我是说
-It's Neil's crush on me. I mean,
他一直这么奇奇怪怪的
he was already being weird
而现在我知道了这事结果连我也变得奇怪起来了
and now I know about it, so, me weird, too.
这事我碰到过之前有个和我一起工作的法警
-Been there. There was a bailiff I worked with
他对我有意思
who had a thing for me.
马尾辫.卢
Ponytail Lou.
-哦那你是怎么处理的? -嗯有天晚上
-Oh, how'd you handle it? -Well, one night
他和他老婆睡一起的时候喊了声"古尔斯"
he yelled out, "Gurgs" while in bed with his wife
她直接把他的马尾辫从他头上扯了下来
and she snatched that ponytail right off his head.
于是他就只剩下卢了
Now he's just Lou.
下一案件对扎克和帕蒂.勒德洛的公诉
-Next up, the People vs Zack and Patty Ludlow.
勒德洛先生和夫人被控在预测孩子的性别失败后
-Mr. and Mrs. Ludlow are charged with criminal mischief
犯下了毁坏财物罪
in a gender reveal gone wrong.
他们在露比星期二餐厅里引爆了一个烟火装置
They set off a pyrotechnic device inside a Ruby Tuesday's.
露比星期二是美国的一个知名连锁餐饮品牌，成立于1972年，主营各种美国食物
哦天啊什么味这么冲?！
Oh, God, what is that smell?!
你掉进古龙水塘里了吗?
Did you walk through a geyser of cologne?
那不是古龙水那是身体喷雾
-It's not cologne, it's body spray,
我是从个优步司机那买♥♥来的
and I bought it from an Uber driver.
法官阁下我的委托人只是
-Your Honor, my clients were merely excited
对他们将举♥行♥的婚礼有点过于兴奋他们决定把婚礼放在
about their announcement, which they decided to hold
他们第一次认识的地方
in the booth where they first met.
也是他们怀上孩子的地方
-And where their child was conceived.
辩方认罪并请求法庭的宽大处理
-Defense pleads guilty and asks for the court's leniency.
我的小女儿是无辜的！
-My little girl is innocent!
犯人另有其人
There was a second shooter.
不好意思这是谁?
-I'm sorry, who is that?
啊这位令人印象深刻的准奶奶
-Ah, the distinguished grandma-to-be is
是勒德洛夫人的妈妈
Mrs. Ludlow's mother.
她对辩护策略有自己的看法
She has her own opinions about the defense strategy.
虽然她不是执业律师
And, while not a practicing lawyer herself,
而且很显然她在来这里的路上还顺道去了几家酒吧
obviously, she passed a few bars on the way here.
我需要的是一个真正的律师
-I demand a real lawyer,
而不是某个把房♥间弄的天旋地转的家伙
not some blurry guy who's making the room spin.
好吧额那么罚款外加损害赔偿怎么样?
-Okay, uh, how does a fine plus damages sound?
让我和我的合伙人"长岛冰蒂娜"商量商量
-Let me consult with my co-counsel, Long Island Iced Tina.
这名字捏他了鸡尾酒长岛冰茶（Long Island Iced Tea）
顺便说句，长岛冰茶度数很高，但外观和口感很像饮料，如果你想灌醉一个无知少女...
哦对了我才不在乎
Oh, that's right, I don't care.
我们接受
We'll take it.
这都是你的错！额...
-This is your fault! -Uh --
下个案子?
Next case?
嘿古尔斯你在这干什么？
-Hey, Gurgs, what are you doing in here?
-我要上缴我的警徽 -哦
-I'm turning in my badge. -Oh.
还有我的宝剑
-And my sword.
法♥院♥可不会给你这个...
-There's no way the court gave this to you --
哦哇哦 "纽约州资产"
Oh, wow, "Property of the state of New York."
我发过誓我要
-I swore an oath that I made up
不惜一切代价保护这个法庭
to protect this court at all costs and tonight
而今晚一套西装在我眼皮子底下被毁了
a suit lost its life on my watch.
啊古尔斯你知道有句老话叫
-Aw, Gurgs. You know that old saying,
"每当西装被毁天使就能得到西装"
"Every time a suit dies, an angel gets a suit."
这话的原句是出自电影"生活多美好"中祖祖·贝利的台词
"每当铃♥声♥响起天使就会获得翅膀"
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings"
但事实上在那个女人吐在她自己的手提袋里的时候
-But the fact is I should've known that woman was trouble
我就该知道她是个麻烦
the moment she puked in her purse.
我要进行一些自我反省
I have to do some soul searching.
如果你找我我就在屋顶吹我的萨克斯管
If you need me, I'll be playing my saxophone on the roof.
好了这事拖得够久了
-Alright, this has gone on long enough.
我们需要谈谈尼尔迷恋某人的问题了
We need to talk about this Neil crush.
哪个尼尔?!
-Neil who?!
德格拉塞.泰森吗？
DeGrasse Tyson?
尼尔.德格拉塞.泰森，是一位以从事科学传播闻名的美国天文学家，
现任罗斯地球与太空中心海顿天象馆馆长
在我想来!
In my dreams!
那个人会和星星结婚
That guy's married to the stars.
好吧我知道尼尔这事对我来说真的是个问题
Yeah, I know this Neil thing is a real problem for me.
这可比你的问题严重多了
-It's worse than a problem for you.
这是我的问题!
It's a problem for me!
他心烦意乱还闻起来一股
He's distracted, he smells like the inside
喜剧俱乐部演员休息室里的味道
of a comedy club greenroom,
还有看看他在我的
and look what he drew on the backside
犯罪现场照片背后画了什么
of my crime scene photo.
啊啊他给我带了个帽子
-Aww, he put me in a hat.
我应该多戴帽子
I should wear more hats.
听着我不知道他在想什么
Look, I don't know what he's thinking.
他明知道不可能有任何机会
He knows that nothing can happen.
我是说我已经有未婚夫了
I mean, I have a fiancé.
就在今天兰德给我寄了这个
Just today, Rand sent me this.
我没明白你的意思
-I don't get it.
这是什么性癖吗?
Is it a sex thing?
只是个私密笑话
-It's an inside joke.
而且也很好看啊
And it's cute.
听着我正在尽我所能
Look, I'm doing everything I can
断了尼尔的念想
to shut this thing down with Neil.
在我知道他迷恋我之前
Before I knew he had a crush on me,
但他说出什么好玩的话
whenever he would say something funny,
我都是这样笑...
I would laugh like --
而现在我是这样...
And now, I laugh like--
哼
heh.
你要知道这种事情
-See, stuff like that is what's
就是这样被一直拖下去的
just going to drag this on forever.
你需要直接了当的回绝他
You need to be swift and direct.
好吧也许尽快了结这事
-Okay, maybe doing it quickly
也是维护他体面的最好办法
is the best way to preserve his feelings.
真是够了! 就在我觉得事情不会更糟的时候...
-Great! Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse --
爵士乐!
jazz!
好了这里是最好的失物招领处了
-Okay, here's the best of the lost and found.
看起来这些衣服是从
-Looks like most of these clothes are merch
一个所谓Craig-Fest 2017那来的
from something called Craig-Fest 2017.
-这个Craig是谁? -相比这个
-Who's Craig? -Better question is
更重要的是为什么这些东西还是湿的?
why are these things still wet?
不过我觉得你能搞定这件
But I feel like you could pull this off.
把臂膀展示出来是那些人在说
-Exposed arms are just someone's way of saying
这些强健的肌肉是他们唯一的资本
that their muscle tone is their only currency.
我只是想就让那位女士
I'm just trying to apologize for letting that lady
和她的戴吉利酒给你来了次北佛罗里达洗礼而道歉
and her daiquiri give you a North Florida baptism.
戴吉利酒，一种由白朗姆酒、柠檬汁、石榴糖浆调制而成的鸡尾酒，成品会呈现红色
听着我是个律师
-Listen, I'm a lawyer.
这么多年我什么场面没见过
I've had things thrown at me for years.
至少这次不是什么带钩带刃着火的东西
At least this wasn't sharp or on fire
或者雪貂什么的那个可怜的小东西
or a ferret. Poor thing was just
只是在错误的时间出现在了错误的地点
in the wrong place at the wrong time.
等等这在你身上经常发生?
-Wait, so this happens to you a lot?
-是啊 -嗯以后不会了！
-Yeah. -Well, not anymore!
以这个凉帽之名发誓我会保护你的!
I swear, by this Sandals visor, I'll protect you!
唔哼哼
-Um, uh-huh.
哦哦等一下等等
Oh-oh, wait a minute, wait.
这是劳力士?!
Is that a Rolex?!
哦不！
Oh, no!
这是个蠹虫的巢
It's a silverfish hive.
啊！哇！
Aah! Ew!
真是的保护的可真好
Really, good job on the protecting.
我现在觉得浑身都痒了!
I feel like they're all over me!
哦他在那你的机会来了
-Oh, there he is. Now's your chance.
记住...直截了当
Just remember -- swift and direct.
好的
-Okay.
-嘿尼尔 -嗨
-Hey, Neil. -Hi.
我们得谈谈