夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E09

Part 2 April 28, 2023, 11:20 a.m.

D...
死人
ceased.
没错我输给了一个死人
Yes, I lost to a dead man. [ Chuckles ]
但我是活人里得票最高的
But I was the highest living vote-getter,
而且我相信如果我发的是
and I seriously believe I would have won
20块而不是10块我就能赢
had I handed out 20s instead of 10s.
你是说你在用钱买♥♥选票？
You were trying to buy people's votes?
你必须要了解时代背景
You have to really understand the time.
那是80年代的纽约
It was New York in the '80s.
那时要让人们出门投票是非常非常困难的事
It was very, very difficult to get people out to vote.
那时还有...还有很多其他事要做
There were-- There were other things to do.
比如可♥卡♥因♥
Like cocaine.
吃豆人也刚刚问世
And Pac-Man had just come out,
那是用来抽可♥卡♥因♥的绝佳平面
and that was the perfect surface to do cocaine off of.
这个是为什么就请各位自己去看其他有关吸毒的影片了，不多做解释了
我还是觉得这听上去像犯罪
Still, sounds to me like a crime.
这不能这么说
Yeah, no, no.
你必须了解这事的背景
You have to understand the context.
我在听
I'm listening.
哦不
Oh, no. [ Coughs ]
我刚是不是吞了只虫进去?
Did I swallow a "g-nat"?
哦所以我是...我不是丹！
Oh, also, did I-- I'm not Dan!
我不是我不是
No, no, no.
我是他的..他的哥哥奥格斯特
I'm his-- I'm his brother, August.
我去叫他我这就去叫他
I'll go get him. I'll just go get him.
待着别走接着录
Stay right there. Keep rolling.
没事的
It's okay.
哦丹你在这啊
Oh, Dan, good.
我想听听你的意见
I need your opinion on something.
我刚才听到了我录的内容
I've been listening to my voice,
我的声音听上去真的是这样的吗？
and is this really what I sound like?
八十七年前
Four score and seven years ago,
这句出自林肯的葛底斯堡演讲
我们的先辈们在这个大♥陆♥上给我们带来了...
our forefathers brought forth on this continent--
好吧我觉得你是在用两倍速播...
Right, I think you're playing it at double the--
不你就是你的声音在我脑子里响的时候的样子
No, that's exactly what you sound like in my head.
为什么你要听你自己的声音？
Why are you listening to yourself?
嗯在你的采访之后
Well, after your interview,
雷米卡找我也做一个
Remecca reached out to me to do one.
这太令人兴奋了
I'm so excited.
不不听我说
No, no. Listen to me.
你不能参加这个采访
You can't do the interview.
事实上你必须禁止
As a matter of fact, you have to bar
那个播主走进法♥院♥
that podcast crew from the courthouse.
我为什么要这么做？
Why would I do that?
当我在列举我的成就时
When I was listing my many accomplishments,
我可能漏出了一点做过的违法行为
I may have implicated myself in just a smidge of malfeasance.
我先是说了很多可♥卡♥因♥的内容
I started talking about cocaine a lot.
现在雷米卡想扳倒我
Now Remecca's out to take me down.
也许你如果不那么自私
Maybe if you talked about the court
多说点关于法♥院♥的内容你就不会有这麻烦了
instead of being so selfish, you wouldn't be in trouble.
但你就是想要全世界
But you need the whole world to know
都知道那个拼字比赛不是吗？
about that spelling bee, don't you?
那是个起源故事
It's an origin story.
好吧我现在就要过去
Well, I'm gonna go in there
然后谈谈我们在这做的工作
and talk about the work we're doing here,
也许着能够鼓励其他法♥院♥以我们为榜样
and maybe it will inspire other courts to follow our example.
我不会因为你的过错而错失这个机会
I'm not gonna lose that chance just because you biffed it.
我和你说了这是个陷阱
I'm telling you, it's a trap.
她耍了我...丹
She tricked me-- Dan.
丹！
Dan!
你改变不了我的想法
You're not gonna change my mind.
好吧好吧好吧
Yeah, alright, fine, fine, yeah.
但当事情不顺的时候你就准备好听到
But when it doesn't work, just be ready to hear
那五个所有人害怕听到的...
the five words that everyone dreads--
"我早就和你说了"
"I told you so."
-那是四个字(英语是四个字) -嗯我把我在说
- That's four words. - Well, I'm counting
这话之前那声刺耳的笑声也算了一个字
the raucous laughter before I say it as a word.
事实上我要从现在就开始练
Matter of fact, I'm gonna start practicing it now.
哈！
Ha!
哇哈哈！
Ha-wah-hah!
不对等等嘿嘿！
No, wait. Hee-hee!
我解决了案子现在我也能和离岸投♥注♥人
I cracked the case, and now I'll crack
一起解开最新的分差
the most up-to-date point spreads, with Offshore Bet Boys.
当他们都是板上钉钉的时候那就不是赌博了
It's not gambling when they're stone-cold locks.
我从来没见过有人那么渴望上播客
I've never seen someone so thirsty to get on a podcast.
我已经有好几个朋友的伴侣
And I have several friends whose spouses went missing
在加入邪教之后失踪了
after joining a cult.
这是我媒体战略的一部分
It's all part of my media strategy.
第一步上播客
First step, podcasts.
第二步成为抖音法律网红
Second step, TikTok legal influencer.
第三步像乌比那样对错误的优步司机大吼
Third step, Whoopi yells at the wrong Uber driver,
乌比.戈德堡是"观点"节目主持之一，曾对另一与其不和的主持罗西.奥唐纳大吼
"我受够了你的狗屎了"(I’m really sick of your s**t!)
宾果这样你奶奶我就能上"观点"了
and bingo, mama's batting cleanup on "The View."
但我甚至不能让雷米卡看我一眼
But I can't get Remecca to even look at me.
-我感觉我都快像尼尔了 -嘿！
- I feel like Neil. - Hey!
-喔！ -别不声不响的靠近别人！
- Whoa! - Don't sneak up on people!
我也在试着引起雷米卡的注意
I've been trying to get Remecca's attention, too.
但问题是她的注意力全在丹那里
The problem is she is all-in on Dan.
我不是针对谁
Don't take this the wrong way,
我要说的是在座的各位都太无聊了
but you all are boring.
你要让事情具有戏剧性
You need to sell the drama.
我的建议是...
May I suggest...
一场禁断的办公室恋情？
a forbidden office romance?
你是说我和他？
With me and him?
不可能
No.
听着播客是为那些不喜欢听音乐的孤独的人准备的
Look, podcasts are for lonely people who don't like music.
但是你知道孤独的人喜欢什么吗？
But you know what lonely people do like?
我觉得我应该知道
I feel like I should know this.
谋杀和浪漫而你在很多场合里
Murder and romance, and since you've made it clear
都很清楚的表示过
on multiple occasions that you're a stick in the mud
对于谋杀你毫无可取之处所以我觉得应该是...
when it comes to murder, I'd go with...
秘密的工作恋情！
secret work love!
你看见了吗？
Did you see that?
这是她第一次正眼看我
That's the first time she's looked at me.
那就这样吧尼尔我们在谈恋爱
That's it. Neil, we're in a relationship.
"美丽女人"规则
"Pretty Woman" rules.
不准接吻而且大多数时间我要和哈克特.埃利桑多在一起
No kissing, and it'll be mostly me hanging out with Hector Elizondo.
这很有意思
That is very funny.
我都要笑出来了
I am laughing.
还有请告诉多纳泰洛我会带
And please, let Donatello know that I will be bringing
哈利克斯夫妇来周日的聚餐
the haricots verts to Sunday's dish-to-pass.
啊！
Ah!
你是斯卡尼阿特勒斯人是吗？
You're from Skaneateles, aren't you?
斯卡尼阿特勒斯，美国小镇，位于纽约州五指湖区
-你是怎么... -我也是那里人
- How did you-- - That's where I'm from.
这是我所知道唯一个把这称为"dish-to-pass"的地方
It's the only place I've ever heard it called a "dish-to-pass."
其他地方他们都把这叫potluck（聚餐）
Everywhere else, they call it a potluck.
我是说就像一只该死的小妖精
I mean, like a damn leprechaun
往柑橘沙拉里加了许多橙子
supremed all those oranges for that citrus salad?
"幸运"...个鬼啊
[ Scoffs ] "Luck," my butt.
-那么我们可以开始了吗？ -可以了可以了
- So, shall we start? - Sure, sure.
嗨我是艾比
Hi. I'm Abby.
-你要找个座位吗？ -不用不用
- Would you like to take a seat? - No, no, no, no.
就装作他不在这里
Just pretend like he's not even there.
就当是闲聊
This is just a conversation.
那我们就从这个话题开始聊你对丹.菲尔丁
Why don't we begin with, how have you found
在这工作有何看法？
working with Dan Fielding?
我对把丹带会这个法♥院♥从来没后悔过
I have no regrets about bringing Dan to this court.
我父亲说丹比任何人都更值得他尊重
My father always said there was no one he respected more,
而你要知道我觉得我们没聊到
and you know, I feel like we're missing
-这里更重要的故事... -所以你是通过
- a bigger story here-- - So, y-you found Mr. Fielding