夜间法庭（2023）

Night Court S01E09

Part 3 April 28, 2023, 11:21 a.m.

老熟人关系找来菲尔丁的？
through a good ol' boy network?
事情不止如此
There's more to it than that.
因为这听起来像是你利用体制
Because it sounds like you manipulated the system
去帮助一个你父亲的老朋友
to help out one of your father's old buddies.
这些椅子怎么越来越小了？
Are these chairs getting smaller?
这有点太热了
It is hot out in here.
-这是什么? -这是关于我们假恋爱
- What's this? - It's everything you need
你所要知道的所有事情
to know about our fake relationship.
怎么啦? 如果我们要这么干
What? If we're gonna make this work,
我们就需要尽可能让它看起来是真实的
we need to make it seem as real as possible.
好主意宝贝
Good thinking, babe.
你马上就能在第一页看到
You will immediately see on page one that
我们不是那种会称呼"宝贝"的情侣
we are not a "babe" couple.
你可以在第三页找到可用的昵称
You'll find approved nicknames on page three.
这不就是我们的名字吗？
These are just our names.
没错是我想出来的
Yeah. I came up with those.
请随意加上你的姓
Feel free to add whatever your last name is.
好吧嗯这里边有很多内容都是
Alright, well, there's a lot in here covering
我对"温达普规则"里每个人物该有什么感想
how I'm supposed to feel about everyone on "Vanderpump Rules,"
"温达普规则"，2013年美剧
但却没有任何关于我们感情的内容
but nothing about where we are emotionally.
比如我们到底有多认真?
Like, how serious are we?
这段恋情到了哪一步了?
Where is this relationship going?
这些都是哪冒出来的？
Where is this coming from?
嗯如果我要做你的假男朋友...
Well, if I'm gonna be your fake boyfriend--
男朋友? 喔! 好吧
Boyfriend? Whoa! Okay. [ Chuckles ]
省省这些标签吧先生
Save those labels for the runway, mister.
哈!
Ha!
接下来你就要告诉我你怀孕了
Next, you're gonna tell me you're pregnant.
猜猜怎么着? 你要独自抚养孩子
Guess what? You are raising that baby alone.
丹我搞砸了我把事情搞砸了
Dan, I messed up. I messed up bad.
这访谈适得其反
The interview backfired.
关于我雇你的时候
I sorta let it slip
走了一点捷径的事情我说漏嘴了
that I may have shortcut a few rules when I hired you,
现在雷米卡要把我也干掉了
and now Remecca wants to take me down, too.
发生了什么事？
What happened?
你和那个播客女士搞砸了？
You mess things up with the podcast lady?
-是啊 -事情有多糟？
- Yeah. - How bad is it?
嗯我对她说了 "那时候情况特殊"
Well, I pulled out an, "It was a different time."
好吧
Okay.
-所以我们有麻烦了 -为什么这么说有问题？
- So, we're in some trouble. - Why is that bad?
在出问题的时候有三句话是禁语
Three phrases you don't use in problematic situations--
"那时候情况特殊"
"It was a different time."
"我只是在开玩笑"
"I meant it as a joke".
还有"我知道这么说不太好但是..."
And "I know it's not okay to say, but..."
反正就是别说！
Just don't say it!
我真不敢相信白人学校竟然连这个都不教
I can't believe they don't teach that in white people school.
公平的来讲并没有官方意义上真正的白人...
To be fair, there's not really an official white--
达特茅斯
Dartmouth.
达特茅斯学院，八大常春藤之一，实行精英化的招生政策，
目前招收的白人占比大约75%，但我并没有找到说是白人学校的具体出处
好吧听着我要去和雷米卡谈谈
Okay, look, I'm just gonna talk to Remecca.
我是说我相信只要我能够心平气和的
I mean, I'm sure if I just sit down with her,
进行两个卡尼阿特勒斯人之间的谈话我们就能解决这个问题
one Skaneatelan to another, we can sort this out.
我是说我们都是在同一个地方长大的
I mean, we grew up playing in the same parks.
我相信她对人犯蠢的人的遭遇肯定也有自己的想法
I'm sure she even has a theory on what happened to Billy Muggins.
你知道也许艾比真能说服她
You know, maybe Abby can convince her.
也许吧但是啊我有个更好的主意
Yeah, no, no. I got a better idea.
我有三个更好的主意
I got three better ideas.
不能涉及争吵
It can't involve wigs.
好吧就用你的办法吧
Okay, we'll go with yours.
那来吧
Come on.
喔
Wow.
好吧我只希望那东西还在下边
Well, I just hope this thing is still down here.
听着记住不能让艾比知道我们在做什么
And listen, remember, Abby cannot know what we're doing.
她需要合理置身事外的理由
She needs plausible deniability.
我明白的每个人都需要作掩护
I get it. Everybody needs a cover story.
所以我把刻着我挥手样子的纸板
That's why I keep a cardboard cutout of me waving
放在保龄球馆的洗手间里
in that bowling alley bathroom.
"我们所说的这个古尔斯那晚在哪?"
"Where was Gurgs the night in question?"
"她在保龄球馆的洗手间里表现得非常友好"
"She was in that bowling alley bathroom being super friendly."
哦你知道吗？我觉得...
Oh, you know what? I think...
额...唔没错！
Uh-huh. Yeah!
就是它!
This is it!
我没搞明白这老旧的金属探测仪怎么
I don't get it. How is some old metal detector
能够解决那个播客女士带来得问题?
gonna solve things with the podcast lady?
这可不是什么老旧的金属探测仪
This is not just some old metal detector.
我们叫它"梅格·瑞恩" 因为长时间暴露在它之下
We called it "Meg Ryan," 'cause prolonged exposure
梅格·瑞恩，美国演员，塑造过众多可爱的“甜女”形象，享有美国甜心的称号♥
能融化人的心(物理)
was known to melt people's hearts.
而对我们来说更重要的是这东西里的磁铁...
More importantly for us, though, the magnets in this thing--
它们会烧毁任何靠近它的电子设备
they'll fry any electrical equipment it comes near.
这会抹掉所有东西
It'll just erase everything.
很巧妙吧嗯哼?
Brilliant, huh?
这是我放备用品的地方
This is where I keep my spare.
好了我已经准备好和雷米卡的谈话了
Alright, I am all set for my chat with Remecca.
我拿了些洛甘莓汽水一些白热狗
I imported loganberry pop, some white hots,
这些都是卡尼阿特勒斯最棒的美味
all of the finest Skaneateles delicacies.
白热狗？
White hot dogs?
说是"美味"可能不太合适
"Delicacy" may not be the right word.
说"食物"可能也不太合适
"Food" may not be the right word.
那是什么还有为什么它会让我觉得牙疼?
What is that, and why is it making my teeth hurt?
哦只是额外的安保措施
Oh, just some extra security.
我知道在州北部你们只要扔点钉子在地上
I know upstate you just throw some tacks on the floor,
但这里是大城市我们都穿着鞋
but here in the big city, we wear shoes.
那些警告用的是俄语？
Is that warning in Russian?
-哦不要 -不要(俄语)
- Oh, no-- - Nyet!
我知道这事情有古怪
I knew something was weird.
-到底是怎么回事？ -这都是丹的主意
- What is going on? - It was Dan's idea.
我在保龄球馆的洗手间
I was in the bowling alley bathroom.
好吧听着唯一解决这事的办法就是让她
Alright, look, the only way to fix this is to get her
穿过这个机器并且抹掉她从我们这得到的所有信息
to walk through that machine and erase everything that she has on us.
这东西肯定不安全
There's no way that thing is safe.
安全性没有问题
It is definitely safe.
而我提醒你下我没有发过誓
And I remind you, I am not under oath.
你为什么这么生气？
Why are you so annoyed?
我只是问你生不生我的气
All I asked is if you were mad at me.
哦你也许... 嗯
Oh, you prob-- Mm. [ Machine whirs ]
尼尔多数时候我的情绪怎么样和你一点关系都没有
Neil, sometimes my mood has nothing to do with you.
哦你都把我搞傻了
Oh, you were driving me so crazy,
我把我的包忘在餐厅了
I left my bag in the cafeteria. [ Machine whirs ]
事实上我把你的包带过来了
Actually, I have your bag right here,
因为我是顾念着你的呀
because I think about you.
哦你可真是我的"英雄"
Oh, my hero.
我会离不开你的
I'd be so lost without you.
哦又是这样你的这种冷嘲热讽
Oh, there it is. Your sarcasm.
这就是妨碍这段关系的第三者
The third wheel in this relationship.
哈！我不想打击到你
Ha! Hate to break it to you,
但你才是那个妨碍宝贝！
but you're the third wheel, babe!
哦所以我们是"宝贝"情侣了
Oh, so I guess we are a "babe" couple.
我们不是情侣尼尔！
We are not a couple, Neil!
看在上帝的份上别站在那了！
For the love of God, don't stand right there!
我们结束了
We are through.
我受够了像你的...你的小牛犊一样被关在围栏里
I am done being fenced in like your-- your love veal.
我是被放养的小鬼！
I am free-range, buster!
为什么我的冰咖啡这么烫？
Why is my iced coffee so hot?
等等！
Wait! [ Machine whirs ]
-那是怎么回事? -我也不知道
- What was that about? - I don't know.
但我们必须让他们保持冷静
But we have to keep them calm.
他们现在快成浩克了
They're Hulks now.
等等喔哦别走等等你要去哪？
Wait. Whoa, no. Wait, where are you going?
你还不能走我们需要你做诱饵
You can't go. We need you as bait.